Trying to gain back my SOs trust

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Acky31, Mar 30, 2018.

  1. Acky31

    Acky31 Fapstronaut

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    Day 228.

    Yesterday and today have been super busy at work, so somewhat stressful, but managably so. Tiredness inflicted by our youngest doesn't help things.

    She woke up a few times in the night, and the only way we can get her to settle is by laying on the floor next to her cot until she falls asleep, which could take a while.

    We had food with my dad and gran last night, and talked about various pointless things, but it was nice to have them round.

    This morning Tan stayed in bed while I got ready downstairs and she got up when the youngest woke up. I felt like we were both in a decent mood (despite the sleep deprivation) and we parted in good spirits, with both kids joining in. The only thing damping the mood is the horrible weather.
     
  2. Acky31

    Acky31 Fapstronaut

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    Day 229.

    Today's been pretty good so far. Today is the 11th dating anniversary of Tan and I, and tonight we are going to a restaurant to celebrate child free!

    We have also just heard this morning, that we have had planning permission approved to build our extension, now we just need to sort out where the money is coming from...

    Work has been very busy this week, and we have got behind a little on the workload which is causing a bit of stress, but I'm managing it well I think, and we're hopefully gonna turn the backlog around.

    The youngest slept pretty well last night as well, and I didn't have to lie down on the floor until she fell asleep, so hopefully that is progress!

    All in all, I'm feeling pretty good today!
     
    ConfusedWife likes this.
  3. Acky31

    Acky31 Fapstronaut

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    Day 230.

    Our anniversary meal went very nicely, and may well become a more regular place to visit for food, as they are good with kids.

    Yesterday was pretty good, we had some good sleep, free from child interruptions, and we went shopping for Christmas, before I had to go to work for the afternoon.

    Yesterday evening, I tried to get the kids involved in shaving off my beard for "Movember" (where men sport a moustache to raise awareness of prostate cancer). They weren't interested really, and Tan helped me shave (she hates it, and now calls me Ned Flanders...). The eldest doesn't like it either, and wants me to have my beard back, and the youngest keeps just staring at my face. And to top it off, my face is constantly cold! Others at work have done it, so I don't feel too ridiculous there, but I still don't like it.

    Today has been okay so far, and work is still very busy, but not as stressful at the moment.
     
  4. Banjaxed

    Banjaxed Fapstronaut

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    Hi-diddily-ho neighbourino!
     
    Acky31 likes this.
  5. Acky31

    Acky31 Fapstronaut

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    Day 231.

    Today Tan has been at work, so I've had the day with the kids. I think I'm about as tired as going to work, even though, really, all I've been doing is playing like a kid myself!

    I love days spent with the kids, it might be exhausting, but there's no better way I could think of to spend my time.

    I have managed to do some housework as well as mess about, so the house isn't too much of a state.

    I need to try and do some of my portfolio work tomorrow, March is my deadline for getting it finished so I need to get cracking.

    Okaley-dokaley!
     
  6. Acky31

    Acky31 Fapstronaut

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    Day 233.

    Saturday evening was pretty good, we went for food when Tan got home, and the kids were amazing (Its really nice going out when the kids are so well behaved). We got back and had an early night, the kids slept through and we slept for about 10 hours!

    Yesterday was good as well. We just did the usual Sunday stuff (shopping, Sunday dinner and visit my dad and gran), but it felt really chilled and relaxed.

    After that we got home, ate some ice cream, made the packed lunches and went to bed. We spent a while talking, and other stuff... and woke up this morning without interruption from the kids again!

    I don't want to jynx it, but I could get used to this sleep stuff!
     
  7. Acky31

    Acky31 Fapstronaut

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    Day 234.

    Last night was a bit lazy. We had intended doing things once the kids were in bed, like portfolio and work outs, but both of us were exhausted and, after food and making packed lunches, we just headed for bed.

    This morning was okay. Tan told me she was concerned I wasn't being 100% honest about my avoids, but I tried to alleviate her concerns.

    Chances are that tonight we will have my dad round for his weekly meal visit after I help my sister dismantle my nephews bunk bed, so we probably won't get time to do the workout/ portfolio stuff tonight again to it's full extent.

    I have a fair bit of work to do with regards my job at the moment, so I may have to take some of it home soon, I hope it isn't too much though, I like to leave work at work...
     
  8. Acky31

    Acky31 Fapstronaut

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    Day 235.

    The section I'm on at work is the worst. It's very fast paced and if you get behind, there is little chance of catching up on a busy day. It makes work a bit more stressful.

    Last night was good, I didn't have to help my sister in the end because she already sorted it, so my dad just came to ours and we had some Chinese (I know it's a cheat when we usually cook for him, but we were knackered). We didn't stay up long after he left (even the the kids are sleeping through now, we are just as tired somehow...)

    This morning went well, Tan is off today so she stayed in bed while I got ready downstairs, and she appeared downstairs after our youngest awoke. I had to get in to work early so didn't have my usual meditation beforehand. Although I'm on the worst section at work, my mood is generally pretty good, and time always goes by quickly.
     
  9. Acky31

    Acky31 Fapstronaut

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    Day 236.

    Last night was good again. We put the kids to bed, had food and went to bed, where we talked a little, among other things.

    This morning was much the same as usual we rushed about getting ready, and the kids ready and headed to work.

    Work has been okay, I'm on a different section today, but it's still very busy. It wasn't as busy earlier and I got the opportunity to sort some other stuff out, but since then it's been hectic.

    I'm looking forward to the weekend to work on the house again, as it feels like it keeps slipping onto the back burner, and I'm hoping we can arrange some more quotes for building works soon.
     
  10. Hugoalsace

    Hugoalsace Fapstronaut

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    Well done on getting to day 326. You are an inspiration to me as I'm in exactly the same boat. My wife found out about my addiction about 6 months ago but thinks I've been clean since then. However after an initial run of 1 month, I relapsed and I'm back to my old habits. But today I'm ready to start again as I want to win this fight and live without porn. Your story shows me that it can be done
     
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  11. clarity&me

    clarity&me Fapstronaut

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    It is a hard road for sure. My SO made the choice to PMO and even after I caught him several times and said how disappointed I was and hurt by his betrayal he still found a way to continue. I have always been available to him and even told him how it made my self-esteem get low and how it made me feel inferior. He still did it. He allegedly does not watch pirn any longer but I still don't trust him. If you really want to stay with your family then you have to make the decision to quit and do it... Not create this I am weak and keep doing it and expect her to be okay with it.
     
    Acky31, Hugoalsace and Tan3110 like this.
  12. Acky31

    Acky31 Fapstronaut

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    Day 237.

    @Hugoalsace, I'm pleased that my journal has inspired you, but if you read it through from the start you will see that I've made a lot of mistakes over the journey. How well we do on this journey is not simply based on whether we stay off porn or not, but about being honest with our SO when we have slipped up, as honesty is the biggest reason we are in this place.

    Quitting porn definitely can be done, and has been done by many people on here, but gaining back the trust of your SO is a much bigger battle, and one that you will have to face, firstly, by telling her of your mistakes (that you have slipped back into your old ways), as being upfront and honest about it will make it more likely for her to be trusting of you than if you get caught in the lie. @AnonymousAnnaXOXO has some great advice on coming clean with your partner.

    There are also many other PAs and SOs on here who are always happy to give advice on anything you need.
     
    Butterfly1988 and Hugoalsace like this.
  13. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

    Thanks @Acky31 , yes @Hugoalsace if you need help with coming clean (and staying clean) with your partner you can PM me and I can give you a sample disclosure letter, and some other advice/encouragement on why honesty is so important not only to your SO, but also in terms of keeping you sober.
     
    Hugoalsace likes this.
  14. Hugoalsace

    Hugoalsace Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the advice, much appreciated
     
  15. Hugoalsace

    Hugoalsace Fapstronaut

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    Cheers, I appreciate any help I can get on this long journey to redemption
     
  16. clarity&me

    clarity&me Fapstronaut

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    So when is it to far gone that recovery is non existent? I ask myself if I have reached that path in the road.
     
  17. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Recovery is never nonexistent.
    It's a lifestyle change.
    Not a challenge.
    This isn't a fad or a task to be completed... It's forever.
    Having a 'short term' mindset is how you lead back to relapse.
     
    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 likes this.
  18. Tan3110

    Tan3110 Fapstronaut

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    That's cos you don't wanna make the effort cos if you did you've never think it was too late. Your making excuses..... try harder otherwise you'll end up alone.
     
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2018
  19. Acky31

    Acky31 Fapstronaut

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    Day 240.

    We've had a good, busy and productive weekend. We spent all of Saturday working on the front garden, preparing it for moving the drive and building a big garage, Tan did a load of heavy work as well, and we were kinda broken yesterday from it, but it was great to get so much progress made on it. We went for Chinese food afterwards with the kids and Tans parents (1st time for the kids, it didn't go down tremendously, though the youngest loved the rice, she's a bit of a carb fiend!)

    Yesterday we did the usual grocery shop, but skipped on Sunday dinner as we were invited to a baby gender reveal with some friends which was cool.

    We ended the day listening (prematurely?) to Christmas music whilst wrapping presents. We have never been so organised for Christmas, and I don't think I've ever wrapped Christmas presents before December before!

    This week is gonna be busy at work, but I'm off on Friday for Tan's birthday, and we have another busy weekend planned out, so plenty to look forward to!
     
  20. Acky31

    Acky31 Fapstronaut

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    Day 241.

    I'm worried that we have started listening to Christmas music too soon as we listened again last night while cooking and tidying...

    Yesterday was pretty good, we got the kids to bed pretty well and while Tan cooked, I cleaned up the kitchen (yes, while listening to Christmas music). After food I spent some time completing some work for my competencies at work, got them finished now I just need to concentrate on doing my portfolio again for work.

    Today I've got some time at work to do some stuff we don't usually get time for, and this afternoon I'm gonna do some portfolio stuff.

    I'm looking forward to this weekend already and it's only Tuesday (I'm off on Friday and we're gonna catch a film and a bite to eat together for Tans birthday then we're going for a "fancy" black tie dinner on Saturday. So plenty to look forward to :D
     

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