Trying to get over my weird fantasies.

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Dioplleo_547, Oct 24, 2021.

  1. Dioplleo_547

    Dioplleo_547 Fapstronaut

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    I honestly think these fantasies are really taking a toll on my confidence with women but the problem is some of these fantasies come from fetishes I have developed from when I was a young boy and others... Well for right now it's kind of distorted. Long story short, I'm just trying to get rid of these fantasies and fetishes because I think they are the main reason I have low confidence with women and keep giving me impure and evil thoughts about things. Only problem is as I mentioned a few had developed on me since I was a young boy. But I would like to do my best to try to eradicate these.
     
  2. PegasusKid

    PegasusKid Fapstronaut

    The way I think of fantasies is that they're coping mechanisms to take our minds out of the present and into a situation we wish we were in. It can sometimes provide temporary relief but when you come back down to reality, it only hurts even more knowing you don't have it. What if its the other way around, that your low confidence with women is what leads to you needing to fantasize in the first place? I have a big problem with fantasies too but what helped me is writing down when I fantasize, my triggers, how I feel during the fantasy and how I feel after, and how it affects my motivation to take action on the thing I'm fantasizing about. For me personally, the fantasy almost feels satisfying enough and it actually reduces my chances of actually taking action. I justify to myself that its not just a fantasy but its actually brainstorming and I'm coming up with a plan to make my fantasy reality, which has been bullshit 99% of the time.
     
    Dioplleo_547 likes this.
  3. AtoZed

    AtoZed New Fapstronaut

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    I feel something similar with you both.. I think it was really well put by you PegasusKid to say that the fantasies can be coping mechanisms to take our minds out of the present and into some situation we so much wish could be true - but it of course isn't, and that can turn into a very destructive way of distracting yourself..

    I'm kind of stopping here thinking whether it could also be so that if you actually manage to "reboot" yourself for some time and you manage to find the new ways of finding affection and satisfaction from a real life relationship (that would hopefully come around the corner if one manages to "reboot" and become interested in intimate relationships with real people, and in that process also indirectly becoming a more attractive partner in those people's minds as well, also increasing one's likelihood of finding such relationship) maybe that could actually help to reduce the need for "escaping" and hence also controlling the fantasies better?

    Just a thought.. As I wasn't sure if you were meaning that it has helped you to "work on" your fantasies? Or did you mean that despite working on your fantasies they keep bugging your life and mind anyway? My feeling is that working too much on those fantasies (in essence, giving them more mind share and space in your life) may be counter-productive, and the better way could be to try to "detox" from those fantasies as well (I know, not easy at all, not for me at least..) instead of "just" detoxing from masturbation and porn and then see if over time the fantasies will at least fade a bit or take less prominent role in your mind, leaving space for getting kicks out of real intimate relationships?
     
  4. Probably not the best solution given the nature of this site, but I was able to weaken my weird fetish (not completely remove) by just switching to normal porn, and losing my virginity really helped too. I had this fetish ever since I could remember, maybe ever since I was 8 years old. It's not completely gone and I don't think it ever will be. I can still get off to the fetish, but I can also get off to normal porn and real sex just as well now (and sometimes better than the fetish). Maybe just start having sex if you haven't already and that might be enough to supress your fetishes to a controllable level. Most peoples' first few times suck so don't feel ashamed if yours do.
     

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