Trying to Move Past It

Hey, Alexander told me to introduce myself, so here I am.

I've been struggling with PMO since I was 11 or 12. It was something I turned to when I was younger, but didn't fully immerse myself in until graduating from college. The main reason for that was a serious skin problem I developed. My self-esteem had never been especially high, but with the onset of a severe form of rosacea, it plummeted. I became so embarrassed by it, I socialized as little as possible. Being human however, there was still a desire for social interaction/sexual satisfaction. Since I'd determined not to risk the embarrassment of socializing with actual people, pornography seemed the most logical outlet.

So that's what I did. My confidence ruined by my skin, I eventually found an actress who had skin which appeared to be every bit as bad as mine. Long story short, I basically fell in love with her. Yes, fell in love with a woman who hadn't the slightest clue that I existed. More than that, a woman who wouldn't have cared in the slightest had she learned of my existence.

I suppose that was my lowest point. Thankfully, because I'm not sure how much more pathetic one could be. Anyhow, I eventually got rid of everything with which I could view pornography in my apartment-Internet connection, TV, DVD player, etc. Having no way to view it, I was porn-free for years.

I thought I had put it behind me, but ironically enough, getting married proved to be my re-entry into the world of porn. My wife is great, and I've spoken openly about my struggles with PMO with her. She's been supportive, though she has never much looked into the studies on the effects of pornography on the brain and therefore can't understand why I can't just quit looking at it. Anyhow, the problem re-surfaced due to the fact that my wife needs an Internet connection for work/study purposes.

So while my life has improved in a number of ways, it's still held back by my addiction to PMO. I recognize this, and I also recognize that a large part of the reason I've been unable to overcome it is due to my pride, which is expressed in an unwillingness to admit to others that I have a problem. So while I realize that real-life accountability partners would probably be best, I've started by coming to you and hopefully both offering and receiving support in the journey.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

 

Thanks for the welcome.

My current strategies include joining this website, exercising regularly, trying to be as socially active as possible (a tough one for me, as I much prefer solitude), reading books/websites on overcoming pornography, installing filters on devices. My struggle with pornography has gone on for many years, but the problem has worsened significantly over the past two months, as I left my previous job. I start a new one next Monday. The busyness of a new job will help, but it definitely won't solve the problem. So that's why I'm here, and thanks again for taking the time to welcome me.

 

That's good stuff. Thanks a lot for the link.