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Trying to set a foundation

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by CaptinCaveMan, Apr 5, 2016.

  1. CaptinCaveMan

    CaptinCaveMan Fapstronaut

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    Ugh...tried the 7 day no pmo but got to day 4 and just felt so weak and paralyzed. I couldn't move. I wasn't prepared for that.

    I guess my addiction has levels to it. The worst or most costly is cam sex. That has cost me a lot of money over the years. Before cam sex it was phone sex. I like phone sex better and was great full that cams got me away from it for several years now (cross addiction).

    I just get so excited when I have cam sex. When money gets low or I feel bad about it. I will just do porn and I feel good about my self for not paying for it but I can tell that any form of pmo has it's effects on me.

    It's amazing I always thought something else was wrong. I've stopped doing drugs, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, and even lost about 20lbs. this year. But this porn addiction is tough. It has a grip on me more than cigarettes did and that was/is (still have cravings) serious addiction for me.

    It's like that episode of family feud with Steve Harvey host (YouTube). The question is what will men do for sex? Steve is pounding is chest saying, "this is a guy question" "this is a man's question". Most all the men answer it buy saying they will kill, die, beg, steal, etc... for sex. This is how I get confused. I get caught up in the nature of sex and not the nurture.

    And well if I think about the nurture of sex. No one every told us it was bad. I mean churches went to an extreme (maybe they had the right idea). Yet science and my friends just seem to move on from it and not feel bad about it. One would say do you pray to God before or after you masturbate. He would laugh about it.

    Anyway I'm looking for solutions. I seem to be able to go a few days no problem but something happens and I feel like I get blind sided in one moment and everything is lost. Trying to pick up the pieces. I hate denial. Feels like everyone including myself has been lying to me for years.

    I need to find a way to re-socialize. I tried do sex addict meetings along time ago but couldn't relate to the people at the meetings. A.A was good for a few years but I wasn't really an alcoholic anymore. I exercise with caution. I start getting excited while I exercise and I will pmo. Ugh...feeling trapped.

    Thanks for the ear guys,

    CaptinCaveMan
     
  2. Sojourner7777

    Sojourner7777 Fapstronaut

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    Hey Captin, thanks for taking the time to share your experience with us. Rebooting is tough - most of us have invested thousands of hours in wiring our brains a certain way, and undoing that isn't easy.

    I notice you speak of your enjoyment of cam sex...get the sense that you still value it in your life at some level. Buddy, it is totally destroying your one-and-only life. It's ruining your potential. It's shut down your ability to even appreciate and enjoy other aspects of life. It's not just costing you money, it's literally costing you your future.

    I'm saying this to you because I believe there is a 'way out' for you - it's sticking close to this band of brothers in nofap, encouraging other guys and letting us encourage you. So keep writing and processing with us. Also, take time to read what other guys are writing and encourage them - it will help you. None of us remain unaffected after reading 20 posts from guys just like us, talking honestly about how their lives have been screwed by PMO, how difficult it is to break free, and how rebooting in community is helping them do just that. When we read each others' stories, we all grow to hate PMO more and more, and it becomes less attractive to us, because it's ugly addictive grip on us comes into view more sharply than the flesh on the screen.

    Also, become more and more informed on what's happening in your brain, in terms of the science of this addiction. IF you haven't watched it already, Gary Wilson's video is excellent (on yourbrainonporn dot com, the first video on RHS).

    Keep at the exercise, even though you wrote you feel you 'exercise with caution,' I'd suggest you dive into whatever exercise works for you, big time.

    Setting another goal, and getting an accountability partner are your next steps I hope. Know that you're not alone in this, and that many, many guys have broken free from situations just like yours, by processing with this community and getting back up when they've fallen.

    Strength to you Captin!
    Godspeed,
    Sojourner
     
    CaptinCaveMan likes this.
  3. CaptinCaveMan

    CaptinCaveMan Fapstronaut

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    Sojourner7777,

    Thanks man, that's helpful. Hmm...next steps? Getting an accountability partner? Not sure how to do that. I did book mark the emergency nofap deal. That's really nice. Sat and read a whole page of helpful material. I might have seen Gary Wilson's video on porn. I watched several Ted Talks last week. Which brought me to this site and has taken me out of my denial.

    You are right about the cam sex causing me not to see the whole picture. I mean I do at times and it becomes overwhelming and hurts a lot. So I want to stop the pain and repeat the insanity of cam sex. It's easy to justify (making a negative into a positive). It's my only social outlet. I don't have friends, kids, wife, and/or a girl friend. We all "need" intimacy and cam sex is their. Plus I don't always use it for sex. I talk to the models a lot. Which doesn't help me find real friends.

    Still it's going to take time for me to get things moving again. I have set goal in the past but I didn't have any "proof" that this is causing a chemical imbalance in the brain. One would think common sense would take over but it's surprising how my brain can deny something. At the same time I gradated college in 2005. No research had be done on male masturbation or none that had been reported to me during my attendance.

    Thanks for writing me back and any further explanation of the steps and finding an accountability partner would be appreciated.

    CaptinCaveMan
     
  4. Sojourner7777

    Sojourner7777 Fapstronaut

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    Hey Captin, good to hear from you. Sounds as if we can safely say that chatting with web cam models needs to become an absolute no-go area for you. If you're not ready to make that decision, then you're not ready to reboot and get free of this - just being honest with you.

    You can find an accountability partner by clicking on 'forums' at top left, then under 'communities' you will see 'accountability partners'...check out other guys requests, or maybe post your own.

    Strength to you!
    Sojourner
     

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