Trying to take control of myself

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by glasgow, Nov 18, 2019.

  1. glasgow

    glasgow Fapstronaut

    Hello everyone,

    I'm taking a shot with this community and philosophy.

    All my life I have been a slave of my urges... fortunately I do not do drugs or drink alcohol, but ironically I'm not "clean" of bad habits.

    I have addictions to porn, masturbation, videogames and internet... oh, and sugar. Some people have told me that those things are not so serious, I don't know how right are they, but all my life I've been strugling to drop those habits of my life.

    I am a very anxious person, and altough I'm not diagnosed with depression, I feel sadness and anxiety all days of my life. It's a struggle to mantain composure, but I have the hope that all those bad feelings are things I can change or at least diminish with the right effort.

    I do not think that I will be someone important, i've screwed up big time in the past, throwing away good oportunities to improve my life just because I felt good with the instant gratification that my bad habits gave me... BUT my dream is to just be a master of myself, to control my urges and to have a strong willpower to do anything... I do really do not expect to be rich, or famous... I just want control over myself.

    I am a lonely man, I have the fortune to have a family and right now a girlfriend that makes my days happier enough. But I know that if I can't change my ways, I will lose them or make their life more complicated. I simply do not want that.

    The videogames are so easy to find and win, the give me distraction from my daily problems. I just made my life more difficult thanks to games like League of Legends and Minecraft... well, maybe the correct way to say it is: I ruined my life because I prefered those things over the important ones.

    The masturbation and porn gave me the sexual pleassure just needed to not feel miserable being alone in my days as a single person. Now that I have a girlfriend, I've discovered that our sex doesnt give me enough satisfaction, and she notices it. But I love her and want to feel good having sex with her, and want to satisfy her as well.

    I often masturbate to women that I meet and feel attracted to, I do think that this is normal, but damn, not if a fap more than 4 times a day. I often feel like a stupid child toying my wanger in my bed... I'm a full grown man now, but this is an habit that just happens almost unconscioussly now.

    The internet... god, I love the internet, I have meet good people with it, I have learn a lot of things, I have a bast vision of the world thanks to it, I like programming and want to make good things with my knowledge, I want to create things on the web, I want to improve human life with all the knowledge in here... but... I just end up watching stupid youtube videos, scrolling facebook main page, watching my recently verified email, chatting with my videogame friends... i feel just stupid, because maybe the things I do are harmless and good sometimes... but at the same time they are unproductive and are not what I really want to do, are just a response I have when im bored.

    Thanks to all those bad habits, I feel distracted all the time, I have good plans to improve my life one step at a time... but I delay every single step just for one more moment of fun playing games... or just a moment of pleasure with that hot girl inserting a huge dildo in her vagina just in front of her cam... or I want to check things on my game guild as I can't quit... because if I quit I will lose my internet friends.

    Today I had a boost of will-power and uninstalled my videogames, removed all the shorcuts to facebook, youtube, etc... uninstalled some distracting apps from my phone. But that's not the first time I did something like this. So, I do not know how much I will last.

    So... yeah... I will take a shot with this.

    If you've read this far, thanks.
     
  2. BiaForce

    BiaForce Fapstronaut

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    Brethren!!!! I admire your courage to take the 1st step. You are in the right place. Make sure you take advantage of all the resources that this website has to offer. We are a family here and we want all of our Kings to rise!!!!. We are here for you, Good Luck in your journey Brethren!!!!
     
    glasgow likes this.
  3. JamesTheSquirrel

    JamesTheSquirrel Fapstronaut

    @glasgow, you've made a great first step in realising your problem and finding this forum.

    I think getting rid of PMO will definitely help you with your other problems. One thing that happens with PA is that you mess up your "work-reward" system. You get so used to the instant gratification of dopamine whenever you want it that over time you lose your desire to put effort into anything. I've been there and it leaves you feeling down and empty.

    It's a similar story with junk food, video games and social media. They all make you feel happy for a short amount of time without putting any effort into them. Personally I don't think any of these are as bad as PMO but it's up to you to decide what you want. I uninstalled Instagram but I keep Facebook for the social side of messenger. I think video games can be relaxing and rewarding if played in moderation.

    To begin with you have to start forcing yourself into good habits and forcing out the bad ones. Set yourself goals and targets each day and stick to them. Do some exercise, plan something nice for your girlfriend, practice some programming. It's going to take time but eventually the things you do by conscious effort will become habitual.

    I would recommend you set yourself a target (standard is 90 days) to begin with and consider doing "hard mode" (no PMO) for some of that. Consider talking to your girlfriend about what you are trying to do and hopefully she will support you through this and see the effort you are trying to make. From my experience abstaining has made sex much more satisfying. Keep a journal on here and try to post in it every day - I will make sure to read it if you do. Good luck on your journey!

    One minor point I wanted to say as a final thing is the masturbating to random people you see in real life. One thing to remember is that these are real people with lives and personalities. They would quite likely be disgusted by the thought of some random guy M'ing over them. In your head all you have done is reduce them to a sex object - just something to think about.
     
    Jefe Rojo and glasgow like this.
  4. Hello and welcome! :)

    We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links to get you started.

    Getting Started Guide | How to Use the NoFap Forums | Panic Button | Day Counter | Rebooting Resources | Forum Rules | Glossary

    If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

    You can also take part in one of the many challenges available. It can be a tremendous help. Challenges

    Also, there are groups you can also join if you wish to do so. You can browse through them here. Groups

    There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!
     
    swordsman163 likes this.
  5. glasgow

    glasgow Fapstronaut

    Thank you all for your kind responses.

    I am going to write my journal and keep track of my progress in there. :)
     

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