Trying to understand women who cut themselves?

Like porn, cutting is a maladaptive coping mechanism that can serve multiple functions. It comes from a psychological disturbance the cutter does not know how to resolve, so they turn it into a physical pain they do know how to deal with. There’s also a component if self-loathing in it. It can also be used as attention seeking or a “cry for help,” leaving a physical wound representing an emotional one.

Cutting is a mechanism associated with age, usually with teenagers to young adults, more than with gender. Like the dopamine rush with porn, self-injury carries a rush of endorphins and an immediate sensation that easily distracts from the problem the cutter is avoiding. And similar to porn, the original problem doesn’t go away just because they distracted themselves for a moment. Neither cutting or porn is a sufficient substitute for identifying the problem, coming up with a plan to resolve it, and executing that plan.

I knew a cutter, but she wasn’t particularly interested in working on herself. She seemed to prefer the attention she received from naturally concerned friends, and when they caught on to her lies and manipulations, she’d move on and make new friends.

 

Leave her

 

A lot of borderlines self harm.

 

I was going to say something similar to what Meshuga already said, but yeah he's on the money.

 

I know a number of cutters addicted to self-harm from my other forum. Men and women. My son went to the psych ward twice because of it.
Self-harm is just as addicting as any other behavior or substance.

 

Life with a borderline is never boring. For some of us, the drama is attractive. At least at first. After 35 years, it gets old.
It is extremely difficult for borderlines to find healing, but it is possible. My wife is light years ahead of where she was 20 years ago when a therapist suggested she might have BPD. Many times I thought about leaving her because everything I read was pretty hopeless when it came to BPD.

 

Agreed. Had I known I probably would have chosen differently. We said for better or worse. We’ve definitely had worse, but we are having better.

 

Did she cheat on you and how many times?

 

She has not. But constantly accused me for years. I eventually did, partly because I was already accused of it anyway.
She was brutally sexually abused for years as a kid. So sex isn’t something she has much interest in.

 

That’s crazy man…so she basically spoke reality into being by constantly accusing you of it. Wild…

Does she know you cheated on her?

 

She knows about the guy from 7 years ago. I only hooked up with him a couple times.
She doesn’t know about the last 18 month hookup binge.

 

Daaaamn the more you know, the wilder it gets..

 

She is not ok with me hooking up, just to make that clear.

 

Are you a woman or man?

 

Man. And yes, I’ve only cheated on her with men.

 

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I can’t say with 100% certainty, but abuse all fits well with everything else.

 

Surprise surprise thanks for being open about all that