Turn your Eyes upon Jesus

What takes me away from Christ is usually self-pity. Today for example, I woke up fine after a clean night, but within minutes, before I could even get started with prayer and study, I was overwhelmed with a feelings of helplessness and envy. The voice of the devil through my flesh whispered that I was wasting my healthy manhood and my thoughts went to all the men who "at least have a wife" and I was jealous and felt frustrated. I wake up early to worship but it is not at all in my nature, I am a night owl. I am vulnerable in the morning.

I used to fall to self-pity almost all the time and it lasted for years. When I would indulge in self-pity I would experience an emotional crisis, it would sometimes last for weeks or months. The crisis could come for something as simple as meeting a man (usually a Christian) who had something I admired or wanted like physical features or friends or posessions. One time I met a brother who was traveling through Europe on his motorbike and I had a crisis that lasted for months.

It is only until very recently that the Holy Spirit convinced me that it was a sin (envy or coveting). I always thought coveting had to do with spying on your neighbor's wife... Well I am glad the Lord allowed me to see clear and repent.

The way self-pity worked in me is that it would lead to an emotion of sharp pain (I physically felt it) and a feeling of rejection (that overwhelmed me within seconds). It then lead to the idea that God was unfair or found pleasure in hurting me. I have repented of those.

Today was different. I believe I have dodged such attacks lately but today I was made aware of the mechanism. I applied what I have learned from God through many crises: I turned to Christ. I thanked him for the countless single men in the Bible and prayed he encourages other single brothers in Christ, I asked him to renew my mind and to give me his love for the Father whom he never stopped to love or called unfair even on the Cross.

Praise the Lord he has prepared a way and that way has nothing to do with our own efforts to attain holiness but rather with our faith in the Word of God where we learn what he has done for us and what he promises he will do until we are reunited with him.

The hymn you posted was my hymn for last night. It is one of my many favorites. I especially love this part:

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of his glory and grace​

It is exactly what happens with sin and with worldnliness. They grow awkwardly bizarre in our heart

PS. Thank you for faitfhully posting for a long time in this group. Your articles are centered on the doctrines of Grace and very refreshing. The Lord keep you dear brother.