Two weeks into NoFap - insights

Hi there NoFap brothers,
I like to share my story with you, which no one knows but me. no one knows I'm a porn addict.

Since I was 13 (I'm 31 now), masturbation and porn were a major part of my life. I assume it is connected to the fact that my father is a sex addict himself. When I found his materials, I started using them myself. The internet outbreak toward the end of the 90s,combined with male curiosity, made it all too easy to get satisfaction. Quickly I started to download porn pictures and sharing them with friends (on floppy discs!), and downloading porn from the internet. Latter I found that I needed some quicker fixes to satisfy myself when I do not have computer access. I started collecting and printing out pictures and kept them hidden. Quickly I also started to masturbate on swimsuit pictures in magazines. Going forward, I kept on imagining every girl I met naked, and actually avoided healthy communication with girls. The encounter I did have were with similarly sex addicted girls, resulting in "porn" sex. I should add that I had serious troubles with healthy relationships. An ongoing solution that evolved from that was for me to have relationships with women themselves in a relationship at the time. Those were not sexual, as we didn't have any kind of sex, but they were very intimate and, both emotionally and physically. I had four of those, and they allowed me to relate to women without sexually objectifying them. During that time, I used to masturbate A LOT but without porn, and kept going back to having sexual relationship with sex addict women as a relief for desires.

That process left me without the crucial skills of a healthy relationship maintenance. Things changed when I met my wife, and I had some periods without any porn and masturbation. But I kept consuming porn and gradually started to masturbate again. It didn't lower my sexual drive, but it made me less tolerable and more cranky. The last two years, which which were difficult career-wise, I found myself turning to porn and masturbation in times of frustration. Every single setback or struggle, made me obsessed with sexual thoughts that I had to clear out of my head. I found myself watching porn everyday for an hour or so, and masturbating everywhere I could. After I finished reliving the stress, I couldn't focus on anything - I just felt powerless and guilty.

A month ago I made a decision - no more porn! It took me five days to watch porn again while tell myself it is fine, as i'm controlling myself. But I didn't... So two weeks ago I installed the free K9 filter software on my computer, and set it as strict as it can be. I tested it every way I could, and found out it provided me what I wanted - porn free internet access. The next day I felt amazing! only knowing I can't access it on my computer, made me so relaxed, as if I haunted me, and now no more. I had some almost relapses though... found myself staring at some revealing photos on non porn websites, checking out hot girls on the street, but I realize that this is normal and even desirable.Unrelated to sex with the wife, I masturbated twice, but did not use anything to stimulate myself. It made me feel this ugly feeling and I do not want to do that again.

I'm now fighting some behaviors I never had to deal with. I find it hard those days to deal with struggles, as I am not reliving stress with porn. I'm starting to develop rational thinking and solutions to problems I encounter, instead of masturbating, watching porn and ignoring reality. I now realize that up until now, this addiction might prevented me of having a more successful career, as I struggled facing real world problems - there was one job where I used to masturbate everyday when bored or facing setbacks.

I feel relived sharing those insights with you, and even more relived knowing I'm on the right path to normalhood...