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Uggh!!

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Open Parasol, Aug 24, 2015.

  1. Open Parasol

    Open Parasol Fapstronaut

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    GODDAMNIT (Sorry to whom I offend with that word)

    Damnit damnit damnit damnit damnit!

    I was doing so well! I was so freaking calm! No cravings, no anxiety, no nothing! And now I'm freaking out. I can't take this. I hate this. I worked so hard, damnit.

    I have something important I have to do this week, and I wanted to be at my best for it, but now what? I'm not sure I'll regain my composure by then. I'm not sure I'll feel as good as I felt by then.

    Damnit, everything was going well. I could think and freakin function in society, and now I can't stop shaking. And I likely won't for a while.

    And when my composure goes, everything goes. Do you know what its like to feel like your gender identity just stops existing? Like it never existed to begin with? And then to slowly gain your understanding of yourself back piece by piece, day by day, and deal with all the dysphoria that comes with that. I don't want that feeling again. I just want to feel like me and feel free, but that can't happen.

    I can't cry. I scream, and I flail. But I can't cry. I'm not sure how to move forward with my day. I'm tired. I'm really tired.

    And I know I'll fail again. And I hate that.

    Please don't hate me or pick on my because of my gender. I'm going through a lot right now, and I'd rather not lose nofap as a safe place. So please. Thank you.
     
  2. @Open Parasol, you feel like this now, but things will get better. Usually after relapsing it takes me a day or two to feel normal again. So don't give up! These feelings are transitory. You still have a lot of progress behind you. Your next journey will be easier, because you have already cut a path. Just take some time to calm your anxiety. Do some mediation. Go for a walk. Your body will heal itself quickly. You will be feeling normal again in a day or two.
     
    AlltheRageBackHome and JoeinMD like this.
  3. Keep going, mate.

    I believe in you. We believe in you, even if you don't believe in yourself right now. Keep pushing, man.
     
    HippyMinstrel likes this.
  4. Open Parasol

    Open Parasol Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, both of you. I'm a lot calmer now. And a bit more cheerful
     
  5. That's it. One step at a time my friend. Don't rush. The best thing to do after a relapse is to be as gentle with yourself as possible, do some deep breathing, drink some water and even go for a walk, and then resume on the journey. Try not to let it get to you too much.

    This thing is a process. Don't be too hard on yourself. We are all here to support you. Keep going.
     

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