Ugh... Hi I guess...

Okie, so a little about myself and why I joined up... Right?
Right... So, once upon a time, I had a fiancée. He used to talk about 'NoFap'. I always thought it was some made up thing, fore before him,I have never even heard the word Fap. lol. I laughed at him and we forgot about it. Then he died and months later, his younger brother starts talking about 'NoFap', but this time like it was some sort of religion and follows it like one would with a religion. Again I raised my eyebrows and brushed it off.
Soon, there came a time where I got bored and decided after many months of hearing his younger brother preach to me and anyone who would listen about 'NoFap' and I thought, "Screw it. Why not?" and gave it a try. To 'NoFap'. If a girl can call it 'Fapping'. XD lol.
Its been months. I don't count due to I tend to loose track of time and days. lol. I literally only did it because my depression over losing my fiancée made my libido drop to non existing levels. So, I had nothing to lose.
I don't know, yet here I am. Finally. Checking this 'NoFap' stuff out. I have no clue whether it's out of desperation or simply curious on the thing I've been blindly following.
(I guess I should add in a few nit bits about myself and porn and such...)
1. I used to be a big weebo hentai porn addict.
2. Used to draw hentai alot as well. Seemed my normal doodles with their clothes on weren't as liked as my nude and well you get the drift boy and girl doodles. Soon realized if i draw hentai I'll get more likes and attention.
3. Becuase I looked at porn/hentai all the time (since a child), I became blind to it. I didn't hide it nor shied away when other looked on my walls and through artbooks or my computer. Or even the words that came out of my mouth. I was too open when it came to anything sexual.
4. Relationship wise... I have always had shitty ones since I was little, (except my fiancée( He was the only one to treat me like a human and not like a possession ).
5. I had fetishes, was a kinky things.

But all that has slowly became, how should I put it? Weird to me. I now do shy away. I don't like doodling hentai nor do I enjoy it posted all over the internet. I mean I don't hate but it doesn't make me smile no more.
I'm guessing that's a good thing.
*shrugs*
Anyways, Yup.... No clue... Laters

 

Thanks Wellnvm123, everything you said sounds exactly like my fiancée's younger brother. I've heard it all before and read quite a bit on my own with the younger brother's guidance. He is quite a devout follower. I have been 'No Fapping' since mid winter... Like i said... "I've been blindly following this". I do feel different, but not amazingly so. My depression pretty much wipes out all positive affects of the 'NoFap'. As to why I'm here wondering how so many people with depression or other shytting life problems and doing the N.F. or PMO can lead such normal lives. I've seen how happy and calm the younger brother is even though his brother is now gone from this world. I personally can't fathom how this cult following could have eased his grief and super bad anxiety. He's sociable and goal driven. It's very inspiring. I want that.
As for what I want... the MO of your PMO is too easy. Fore, since mid winter I've got that down pat, but... yus, Porn/Hentai is the thing I need to challenge myself on.

 

Well, (I'm so giving you a nick name...) Holmes,
* So, it's like apply cognitive behavior therapy tools to rewire the brain and behaviors to this everyday life situation. Hmmm, Interesting.
* Wow, I'm not the only one who always thought the norm of sexualizing everything in life was weird, but decided Screw it and joined in on it.
* But what if i have flaws I don't wanna admit to the world? Can one still cleanse thyself if one can not admit? <.< *rolls eyes* (Sorry I write old world style sometimes.) But yeah. You get my drift, right?

 

I didn't mean cult in a bad way. I do enjoy the enthusiasm and support so far since I've arrived. Thankies, I will do my very best to keep my mind clear of the filth plastered everywhere in today's society. XD As for the actual benefits: I just had a long conversation with a devote follower and even if he doesn't understand why I joined here besides my curiosity of what he's been talking about. He supports me joining... "Any addiction and abstaining from it will lead to good benefits."(words the devote said to me) So even if mine if just trying to rewire my brain to see porn and kinky things as not a norm, will do me justice, since i was introduce to it at such a young age.

 

I embrace all crappy sides of me. All the shytty flaws and all the darkness that I try to hide yet seeps out. I have been slowly trying to change my ways. I followed the MO of your PMO blindly without even knowing this was a thing. I now just got try a teensey bit more to change a few more things. Then maybe I'll be normal... Well, morally normal... not socially. Lol.

*stares at all your replies and chooses to conquer this one first. I flutter up and place my hand on your forehead and take a deep breath* I now dub thee... *makes a quizzical face and flutters back a bit thinking* ummmm.... *taps my finger to the side of my chin* Ummmm.... *jumps up and squeals excitedly* I know! You are now named Floof! *giggles and smiles evilly* Becuase you one... *holds up a finger* threatened to do cutsey revenge and two *holds up two fingers* Your avatar pic has very flooffy looking hair! *flutters upside down chanting* FLOOF FLOOF FLOOF!

*laughs and then frowns* To be honest. It's a bad coping thingy I hide behind.I write in character. I write as I would when role playing. It's actually a crutch. I hide behind my character. I know this. I have trouble dealing with humans. I can not relate to most. So, I write like my OC (original character) in order to not feel anxious or socially awkward.

But on a side note. Thankies. *smiles happily* I would never change my writing for boring old normality. So, even if i do hide behind my OC... my fairy is a part of me and that I do not wish to discard as a flaw. I just need to learn... to be myself... Maybe? IDK... *waves as I poof away* Laters

 

*smiles and tilts my head to my side* Nice! I keep hearing that from people around me. Maybe in time I will be able to. *shrugs*

 

Floof! Does it make sense that my fairy is me? A happier me? A me I once was? I don't suffer in my own skin. I suffer from a negative mind. I mind that isn't so happy.
Awkward situation... No problem. I'm awkward all day everyday. I'm weird.
So, I hide behind a character i once was. Is it wrong to wanna be like that again? *shrugs and starts staring at my feet as I move one to stand upon the other in mid air*

 

*raises an eyebrow and cracks a smile and mutters to myself* 'Did he just... old world chat?' XD

*taps my chin debating whether to tell a lie or be real.* Screw it... I might as well be truthful. Not like you can judge me, fore you're nothing but a human... *bends my pointed ears and does a silly and ungraceful walk as I poke fun at humans*

So, happiness went poof. *flutters out my fingers and quickly pushes out my hands to my side stretching out my arms as much as possible as i say poof* Like over a year ago. When someone died.
This trash.... *points to the side of my head* It is repeats of things once said. Since that day over a year ago, the words once said when I was but a little lass became loud. These words became like shouts. Telling me the same things over and over. "I was nothing but a mistake", "I'll never amount to anything", "Worthless", "Waste of space", ect,ect... (some are more harsher and crueler than those)

Did you just call me twinkle toes? *loses train of thought and cracks up.* Bad FLOOF! XD

 

Really FLOOF?!?! That old ass book series? *falls over laughing* You named me after a donkey or old ass horse... *ponders a bit* oh I can't remember which.

*Pouts* You named me after a ass.... *tears fall from my eyes* No, couldn't name me after any other.... I'm kidding.

I actually like Dapple. It sounds yummy... like apples XD and it was a book series I read as well when I was itty bitty. Rupert the little bear or something like that