Uh oh, seems like your urges are facing a more successful competitor

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by Stichting, Mar 15, 2021.

  1. Stichting

    Stichting Fapstronaut

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    During a moment of relapsing or the urge that leads to it, there isn't much opportunity to think straight and decisive, so let's use those moments around it.

    A key part of maintaining NoFap discipline consistently is anticipation and preventing situations.

    And also important is what you actually DO want to do. Having that on your mind strongly makes it difficult for urges to appear, because all the activity goes to that subject. And that lasts for a while because that increased activity in the mind remains for a while and slowly returns to as it was before.

    In other posts I have mentioned some things you can do in those moments without urges, when you can think clear and decisive, but another thing you can do is asking yourself certain questions unravelling what actually happens. It will give some clarity and it will make a difference for those moments with urges.

    Then you may think: "But the problem is that only at those non-urge moments you can think decisive, so how can it be a solution?"

    While that's true, that doesn't say that what you do at the non-urge moment can't influence the urge-moment. So you have to see those moments as something you can take into your advantage.

    There is a chain of events involved in a relapse or edging session. There is a key element in there that eventually makes it happen because it supposedly is uncontrollable.

    You can find what that element is by unraveling the whole event by asking a series of questions about it. You can for example start by asking:
    "What made me eventually start fapping, and is it really too difficult not to do it?" Then an answer could be: "Some kind of strong feeling around the genital area."
    Then a following question can be: "But how could only that make it happen?"

    When I think about it, there are 3 options, either I chose to do it and didn't care about relapsing, I was somehow too unconscious to think about it and so it happened by itself, or it was by choice because it was supposedly too hard at that time to not do it.

    Then again you can ask for each why it would have been too hard to not ignore it. For each case followed by:
    "I didn't actually chose to do it, there was an underlying excuse for it, like the fear of nofap not being healthy, the 2nd case for me is laying down, which is altering my awareness, the 3rd is because of doing things earlier that created the urge, like doing something stressful, or having been fantasizing about triggering subjects."
    So then you can again ask for those cases why that would make it too difficult or what you could change about it.

    It will give a sense of clarity to see what is actually going on in the process and why those are actually no logic reasons for relapsing. And that makes them less powerful for the eventual next relapse. Apart from the way you will do the above thoughts, just thinking about it in general will have some positive effects.

    You can also ask yourself how wonderful it would be when you're totally independent from those urges, and never have to relapse again and able to focus on other things. And realizing that that's possible despite not an easy task, but only more worth it.

    That will give a boost of confidence and motivation, and as a result of that, act as a competitor during the next thought of relapsing.
     
  2. Doc. Tinker

    Doc. Tinker Fapstronaut

    YES !!
    I recently thought of that and can confirm that REASON beats AN URGE. Like just asking yourself right when you get the urge and give yourself a little bit of TIME- small urges can be chased away like a fly.

    Of course! I will try to implement it more. I can see the logic behind it. You can also just think about the inevitable moment of getting an urge, but rather than thinking about how bad and unpleasant it will be you can think of how you will act, what questions you will ask yourself, what are the negatives of giving up, what are the positives of holding strong and all that. Thank you for that insight. I was trying to suppress all thoughts related to nofap, even quit the site for some time but all that does is making you less mindful and weaker to those urges. Maybe some people get the benefit of not thinking about it so they don't fap, but it didn't work with me. But know when I made some tracker sheets, journal and when I think of my dreams and how I feel after fapping, how it feels to break a streak etc. I find myself being stronger and more determent than ever!
     
  3. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    There's always an element of a lack of personal agency involved when you relapse. It might be present at different levels and places in the chain of causation, including in places you'd be rather surprised to consider.

    "Is it even possible for me to quit PMO?"

    Instead of the above question, ask instead: "How much change, sacrifice and discomfort do I need to take on and endure to get off of PMO?"

    There will always be a finite answer to that one. You have to make the effort to think, to analyze and to design lifestyle solutions.

    Keep coming back at it and keep adapting.
     
    Faceless Void likes this.

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