I relapsed a few days ago and after that I've been feeding into the toxic cycle. Not out of uncontrollable urges, not out of desire but because their is that one thought at the back of my mind that keeps on saying "just look" which I gave into. I relapsed and although I'm not dejected I hate what I just saw. I've never encountered trans P in this context before, and after catching a glimpse of It I hate what I've done to my psyche. Here's to 90+ days again, but I hate what I just did.