Uhh.."Do one thing every day that scares you." challenge? :-)

Hey man.

I did try something, but I don't know if it worked.

I went out in a walk, and I decided I would smile at a girl I didn't know. Just a normal smile.

I did smile at one girl, but I looked away and didn't see her reaction at all. Lol.

 

IDK man. I feel like absolute shit today, so I think I should just log off.

 

I will do this as a 30-day challenge . It would be cool if you guys could drop some ideas of what to do.

 

Did it, got few good bits of advice. Not bad . Tomorrow I go out with a friend to the local club, and the challenge will be to talk to 3 ladies.

 

Much much better today.

I'm thinking of what task I should take up today. Will let you know if and when I do

 

I used to worry about people liking me, but ever since I started nofap I haven't been worried much about people's opinions.

For example earlier I would wear clothes that would hide my fat as much as possible. (I'm not very far, but I have a flabby stomach and weird chest)

But ever since I started nofap, whenever I go out I don't feel the need to hide anything. On the contrary, I feel like "this is me with my weird stomach and chest, and there's nothing wrong with me"

It's actually quite liberating.

 

It's like this:

There's a population of 7 billion or something on this planet right?

If you ask every single person their opinion of you, some are going to hate you and some are going to love you.

No matter if you're fat or thin or tall or short or whatever. So why bother thinking about their opinion right?

 

Hehe thanks a lot man!

 

Be careful when asking me for thoughts. I type 100 words a minute and can get very verbose.

I break people who don't like me into three different categories:

1. I've done something to them.
2. They don't like something about me I can't change.
3. They have a problem, that I can't fix.

1. When I'm wrong and I realize it right away, I try to admit my mistake quickly. Maybe I've interrupted someone or cut in line. I can apologize for the interruption and ask them to continue or I can tell the person I cut in front of that I think I took their spot in line and allow them to go first. Those are easy fixes and help me more than them - because I won't spin on my error for days.

Then, there are people I've wronged "in a big way". Maybe I borrowed money from a realative and didn't pay it back on the day I said I would. Today, I realize it's easier to call them and explain that I know I still owe the money, but don't yet have it. Even though it would be a hardship to pay it back later, I always have so far. Which is one reason I haven't borrowed money from a relative in a very long time.

There are also long ago harms I've caused that I've dealt with. In AA there is a process where we "make amends". I had a great AA sponsor at that time. My sponsor and I went over the fact that it's my job to make amends, not thier job to accept the amends. I had one amends to make to a former employer who had died. I didn't owe her money - it was more of a personal failure on my part. My sponsor and I worked out a way for me to make the amends in a different way (although direct amends are best - that's difficult if they've died).

2. People who don't like me because of what I am or how I live my life were the most difficult.

I was a chameleon. I'd hide parts of my life (like being gay) from people I didn't think would approve of it. I think religion and politics should be avoided as dinner conversation in general, but I'd hide how I felt on those topics just in case - or especially if I knew a person had different opinions.

Worse than hiding my life or opinions, I'd actually pretend to agree with people. In short, I'd be whatever or whoever I thought would make them like me. It's exhausting and made me crazy.

But, there was no conflict. They liked me and I didn't have to get into any conflict.

In business, I still do that to an extent. I become "generic business dude", projecting nothing other than just the likable guy. A blank slate onto which they can write whatever they wish.

But, in my personal life, I no longer do that.

3. Some people are just determined to be miserable. They don't want to let people in and don't much care for anyone. Oddly, I used to attract these people. I think because I was so quick to mold to their beliefs.

What I found, and didn't like at first, was that once I stopped molding myself to their way of thinking, they stopped liking me. It felt like rejection. Mostly, because it was.

After a bit of time getting used to presenting myself to the world as I am and trying to no conform to what I thought other people wanted to see, I realized it wasn't rejection it was freedom.

---

One of the things that I've learned in life came from a man who died way too young. A visionary, yet a normal man who owned a camera shop who was a San Francisco City Commissioner. He died 10 years before I moved to San Francisco where I lived for 12 years.

Harvey Milk was murdered on November 27, 1978. A man with a gun went into San Francisco city hall and shot him and Mayor Moscone were both killed that day.

Before he died, Harvey Milk had a philosophy of life and of the cause of equality that today sounds perfectly reasonable. But, at the time seemed impossible. He said that gay equality was not going to be won in the State Legislature or the Congress. Equality would be won at the dinner table.

You see, Harvey Milk knew that it was easy to vote and to be against "them" or "those people". However, it was much more difficult to be against your son, your daughter, your cousin, your friend, your aunt or uncle.

People under 25 have always known openly gay people. But, at the time Harvey Milk made those statements, almost nobody knew an openly gay person. He died before he saw his philosophy come true. But, he was right.

Living my life openly, being who I am makes my life easier - but also makes it a bit harder for people to vote against my rights.

The storefront where Harvey Milk's camera shop used to be is still there. It's been many different types of business, but thought of him every time I walked by that store.

One last thing. Many people, even gay people, have a problem with the term "gay pride". Normally the objection comes up around June of each year, which when the gay pride parades are held in many cities. It's not the best term to use in my opinion.

Before the Stonewall riots in New York in the summer of 1969, it was a very common event for gay bars or parties to be raided by the police. Men were arrested simply for being in the company of a bunch of men (it was against the law), they would spend the night in jail and charges would be dropped. But, the next day their pictures, names, addresses and place of employment were published in the local papers. They would lose their jobs.

One interesting story is that in New York it was legal for men to sun themselves shirtless in New York's Central Park. In fact, it was a common occurrence. However, it was only legal for straight men. A man sunning himself on a blanket with his wife or girlfriend was not breaking the law. But, for a "homosexual" to take his shirt off in public was a violation of law - he was being lewd. This law was used to arrest and get gay men's pictures published in the paper. Oddly, Harvey Milk was arrest in 1947 for being in a group of men in Central Park that were arrested while nearby straight men who were also shirtless were not arrested.

So, for decades gay me were shamed for being gay. Gay shame was a real an powerful tool used by the police and society in general. That's where the term "gay pride" comes from. Should it be changed today? I think so - a better term would be "equal rights".

OK, I did something scary today - not outing myself as gay. Hell, I put that in about every tenth post. I explained why it's so important to me to always live my life not as a lie.

L

 

Challenge completed! Not much has happened, but it was an ok experience.

 

I completely forgot to mention what I did yesterday:
I tried flirting with a girl I knew. It was kinda fun, but nothing really happened as she didn't seem that interested lol.

Today's task I will post later.

I hope everyone is having the best day of their lives today!