Un nuevo comienzo / A new start

Hoy 24/02/2021 empiezo a reportar mi jornada para dejar el porno. Tengo una motivación enorme para hacerlo (primer laburo). La idea es ir reportando mis sensaciones dia a dia y en lo posible ir listando objetivos a cumplir y ver si mas o menos los voy cumpliendo.

 

Buenisimo KillerBr. Sos bienvenido
DIA 0
No tuve ninguna tentacion, simplemente el habito de abrir una pestaña de incognito casi por defecto, pero no pasa de eso.
Me levante muy tarde debido a que anoche me acoste tardisimo, esto es algo que debo mejorar en el corto plazo.
De animo ando medio triste, principalmente por los problemas de vista post cirugia, pero bueno, con muchas ganas de pelearla.
Algunos objetivos a cumplir en el corto plazo:
* Dormir en horarios normales, por lo menos durante la semana
* Terminar el proyecto de una materia
* Entrenar minimo 3 veces por semana
Objetivos a cumplir en el mediano/largo plazo:
* Aprender herramientas importantes para estar lo mejor preparado posible en mi profesion
* Ver que se puede hacer con el tema de la vista, consultar todo (incluso lo que te da verguenza), decidir y darlo por terminado de una vez por todas.

 

I'm gonna try to write in english as a mean of involving more people.
DAY 1 and Day 2
Not so much to tell. Not feeling much urges. Continue to struggle with my vision.
The positive thing is that i've been out and interacting with friends
The negative thing is that i didn't reach any of my short term goals (good sleeping times and advancing in a project)
GOALS
SHORT TERM
* good sleeping times and mainly at night
* Advancing in a project of a subject
* Training at least 3 times a week
MEDIUM TERM
* Going out at clubs at least twice a month and interacting more with women
* Learning important skills related to my work

 

DAY 3 and 4
More of the same. It worries me that it wasn't even the fourth day and already started to fantasize.
Of my short term goals the only one i'm achieving is advancing in the project.
A phrase that appeared on my twiiter wall:
" The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new ". Socrates

 

DAYS 5 to 7
Ok. one week completed (without PMO). I've been feeling pretty bad, all the anxiety caused by my vision situation and for what were these last years is rising without nothing to suppress it (porn was my way to decrease anxiety).
On the good side, i've felt incredibly powerfull training yesterday, and i am satisfied with what I did this week.
The three short term goals have been achieved at least at some grade
* I've been sleeping at night these last 4 days
* I trained 2 days already this week
* A mild advance in the project i have to do, but a progress at last

 

DAYS 7 to 14
i'm glad to have reached two weeks. Emotionally i'm still feeling anxious and angry with my situation. There are some progress though: the sense of stiffness i have been feeling has improved, and thats no lesser thing to me.
The three short term goals have been achieved, and i could add a fourth one that i didnt think before: cooking.
Related to the medium term goals, in the club part i'm in debt despite of some issues that came up last weekend and didnt let me go

 

DAY 21
Nothing new, or maybe it is. I'm dealing with my anger in a healthier way than before. This means i'm feeling like sh*t almost every time, especially around my family. I still don't have the balls to confront people though.
Related to my goals:
* the 3 short term goals have been more or less achieved.
* I'm trying to learn new things, but did almost nothing about the going out club. Another important thing is to confront people when i consider necessary, but i'm to f*cking weak sadly

 

DAY 30
Ok. things are getting though. I'm losing will power. I'm starting to forget why am i doing this at the first place. But i will continue, i want at least to reach my longer streak (45 days).
In 30 days, nothing has changed. The only thing i notice is that i have more time available (but most of it get wasted anyway). And i'm just so weak to ask the questions that i know will at least bring some answers that could help me.
That is THE GOAL for me: stop avoiding situations i know i have to confront, and start to impose myself over people when needed (for example, i know i have to go to the ophthalmologist and ask "unusual" questions that will for sure help me, but i just can't. The idea of this idi*t treating me like if i was exaggerating overwhelm me).
Not much more to tell, i had two wet dreams in days 20 and 24 aprox. And in the next days i'll be very busy so i hope this will help me to continue in this way and not stress me enough to destroy my little to non progress in this days

 

DAY 0 AGAIN..
A combination of situations made me fall this weekend. But it's ok, i could see again in this two days the destruction this generates and the great loss of time it produces to me. Also, at a physician level, i could see that something is wrong beyond my penis, but that this is very probably caused by my p*rn marathons.
All this days, the initial idea was to abstain mainly from P, but i ended up doing a hard mode. Now, the goal is still the same, the rival for me is P, and anything related to it, but not M or O.
On a side note, this is something new to me (relapsing and coming back only two days after) so i can feel that i really started a path to a healthier life, and all the progress made so far didn't vanished.

 

DAY 0
Ok, no much to say, I'm starting once again. I know how good this is for me so I'll keep trying