Unavoidable triggers?!

I am going to tell you something you may not listen or accept. Because I did not when someone told me this first. so here it goes:

I work at customer service: I always see amazing, hot girls in very short shorts or skirts....I look at them eye to eye...to purposely let them know that I think they are sexy. I always look at them and feel tempted...and I go home and PMO.
This happens all the time....

So i told this to someone (who has been sober for 2 years) I said...my TRIGGER IS HOT GIRLS...IN SHORT SKIRTS....right? i mean after all I see these girls ...I feel aroused...and I go home and PMO....therefore the trigger is hot girls in short skirts and shorts right??

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. WRONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG (TRUMP STYLE)


I thought the guy (who is sober for 2 years) is wrong. and stupid.

He killed me with the why questions...

I said Hot girls are my trigger....he said why are they trigger?
I said...they are so sexy...i wish i had them as gf so i can do stuffs with them.....he said why?
I said...well...they are hot...i am male...they are females...i love them....he said why?
well...i dont have a girl friend so...i look at hot girls...they turn me on.....he said why?
well...i am not in a relationships....i dont have a wife or gf...and i am straight..so hot female girls arouse me...he said why?

well....i had a gf before and we broke up...and for 3 years i dont have one...busy with work...so i dont get to see girls a lot...so when i do...i want to PMO.......he said why??

well...i am working all the time....i dont have good connections with my friends because i moved to different state/province for my job...so i dont know anyone...and i dont have a gf...so they arouse me....so i go home and pmo....he said why???

well...i dont really know anyone in this city....most of the time im working....rest of time im home alone...so i watch porn...and when i see hot girls...i know i cant get them..so i go home and pmo....

he said why?

well...im home alone...i dont like to go out when im free...so i stay home and watch porn.....and watching hot girls at work is just a trigger...he said why?

well...im lonely some times....kind of makes me depressed to stay home and do nothing..so i just watch porn...as i dont have much friends here..so i pmo...he said why?

because im lonely...and little depressed...and i dont have the confidence to talk to girls and ask them out...so only thing i can do is pmo....


AND THERE YOU HAVE IT GUYS.....HOT GIRLS IN SHORT SKIRTS IS NOT YOUR TRIGGER...

why are you tempted by a girl in short skirts?? i am kind of tempted right now as i imagine a young university student girl with blonde hair in short shorts or skirts.....but always ask the question why?

HALT stands for ...hungry....angry....loneliness.....and tired....these are real triggers to us...

to me..it was loneliness....that was the real trigger.....seeing hot girls....subconsciously tells me that i am alone..that i do not have girl friends...to hold hands and walk and go to movies...or have wife....or kids....so seeing a hot girls and being triggered by it...is BECAUSE IM LONELY...

if i have a gorgeous girl friend at home....that girl in short skirt wont tempt me...i would be like wow she is hot...JUST LIKE MY GIRL FRIEND.....i would think she is hot....but not go home and pmo....

there is always a deeper reasoning why we are tempted by small things.....fixing those small things wont fix the core problem....fixing the core problem fixes the core problem...

core problem here is....i am watching porn..and paying $ for sex...
real trigger is : i am lonely....depressed....and lack self confidence to talk to girl and get a gf....
smaller not so important triggers : hot girls in shorts...hot images online....girls in bikinis....

as you can see....you can try so hard to fix the "smaller...not so important triggers" but as long as you do not fix the real core problem...the real trigger.....NOTHING WILL GET FIXED

 

This is what I do sometimes when people are complaining or are afraid of something.
Thanks for the reminder. I'm gonna use it in my journal to process an important issue.

 

I only glance and move on to something else if my thoughts start fantasizing about women I have never met before also I try not to stare even if they are not facing towards me also since staying away from porn I can look most of them in there eyes and just smile plus the eyes are the window to the soul I'm not saying that it's always the case but I make it a point to look more women in the eye and smile ti can't make the triggers go away but you can learn and take opportunities to not let them control you

 

i still struggle with it. but i change my mind to something else. i think of them as my sisters. or genuinely look at them and say wow she is beautiful. thats it. i dont try to fantasize.

also, please read my other post on shame cycle. it will help you as well. to me not having a gf or wife is the problem. im a good guy and i have all this energy to give...the caring...the love...money...and all...but i have no one because i cant date or get married to whoever i want....because im brown and we need to get arranged marriage..so have to wait...its on the horizon...the marriage...but have to wait...that was my real trigger...

 

Great post. A must read. Awesome and educational.

 

Damn! That is a 100% Grade-A post right there! Excellent (and eye-opening!)

 

Very dood ground-level explanation, @Gnathan. That's a great friend you have.

Nearly always is this the truth in my experience observing maybe a dozen PA friends irl and over a hundred PA online nofap friends over quite a few years now. Nothing wrong with feeling lonely, btw!! Just need to figure out the behavior you want to accept in yourself. Transmuting the need-energy, if that's a thing, to seek after the social construct you desire... that will be met with success after some work. Not saying this to just one person, this is true for all of us.

In my case, sometimes I felt alone laying in bed next to my ex, or on the computer in another room, because I wanted time to talk. Didn't know how to process this, didn't understand my own feelings. And, indulging in bad behavior caused an escaped numbness so it took some degree of distance, a good abstinence streak, to reset the mind and get clarity. Strength to actually persist on a path of more happiness was the last thing to achieve.

Never give up, friends. Know thyself

 

so guy who have girlfreind nad tons of freinds cant be triggerd by hot girl in skirts?

 

Great, thought provoing post, thank you!

 

if a guy has a girl friend, and tons of friends...and still sees a hot girl in skirts and wants to fk* her and have sex with her and starts to fantasize her....something is wrong here...

1. why is he triggered by the hot girl?
2. why are you triggered by the hot girl when you have a girl friend?
3. because you are triggered by the hot girl....does that mean you dont like your gf?
4. if you dont like your gf...why are you with her?
5. maybe just like her...but not love her? why are you with her if you dont love her?
6. is it because you are insecure..? afraid if you lose her...you wont get another?
7. afraid if you lose her...because you dont really love her...or care for her...then you become lonely?
8. maybe...when you do become lonely because you broke up with her.....will you be now insecure with your tons of friends...?
9. well if you get triggered by the hot girl..and like her....do you have the gut to turn and tell your gf...and break up with her?
10. will you go after the hot girl? if not...is it because you are insecure and afraid she may reject you?
11. why are you afraid she may reject you? because you think you are not good enough for her? is that why you still have an ok girl friend....yet you look at other woman....because you rather keep the ok gf...and be "with someone" than be alone and look at hot chicks...and watch porn....because dont have self esteem to go ask that hot girl?

we can keep going with the questions..till we get the end...but at this point there are lots of possibilities...but these are some of the questions one would ask.

 

i think it is more like Nature thing but i respect your opinion, maybe I'll start seeing things differently after longer streak..

 

There is a magic in your WHY. Really seems yo be a miracle why
What a brilliant people you are. I admire your beautiful thoughts
Thanks for the share

 

HI mate

i have the same as you

and many guys

seeing the problem is part of the solution to be honest

for mee, the only thing that works is staying out of trigger zones like gym or city

and if you go there, try not to look as much