Unbroken

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by B3unbroken, Jan 22, 2019.

  1. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut

    82
    212
    33
    Snow day

    Not a fan. I don’t like cold. I’ve been trying to fight off whatever sickness I have before it’s full fledged. Today has been like double the work for me. Kids had no school which is really not fun when you work from home :confused:.

    Got up early bc I had an appt. Grab some groceries, filled kid2 prescription, made a PT appt, work, shower, kid3 doc appt, work, meeting. I’d still like to pray and get to the gym. Oh yeah and make soup for dinner. And do the dishes left in the sink...

    Never ending...but here I am...on NF journaling instead of executing..:oops:

    Hubs is leaves in the morning. Back Thursday night and leaves again Friday afternoon til Sun. Although all the running around will be on me, I’m kind of looking forward to the “me” time.

    Unfortunately I usually stay up too late but I feel like I get more done when he’s not home. It’s weird bc he does help me tremendously but I don’t sit down and watch tv when he isn’t home. I only watch it with him that leaves me time to do other things with that time. (Not always productive, but sometimes).

    I def plan on doing another 2d detox since I Carbed right back up after the last. NOT good! I feel fluffy and I don’t like it.

    I’ve got 6wks til we leave and I am determined to look good for vacation!
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2019
  2. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut

    82
    212
    33
    Self-care

    Self-care is something many codependents struggle with. Feelings of shame or guilt around doing something for yourself. You might even sacrifice your own basic needs due to feelings that something else is more important than your own self-care. Putting yourself, your needs, wants, dreams and desires aside. This is self neglect. You don't feel that you are worthy, so you neglect you. You are your a victim of yourself.

    Once I learned the art of and started practicing healthy self-care, I fell in love!! There is no going back now. But I do get lazy with somethings. I need to love on me with self care. Its not selfish, its being replenished. Pouring love into yourself so you can pour it into others.

    I've really stepped up my game this week and decided to stop putting off things I shouldn't any longer. I'm not getting younger. Things hurt longer, might be questionable, can't refill my contacts anymore without updated scripts, etc.

    - Monday I got a deep tissue bc I was seriously hurting.
    - Yesterday I went to dermatologist for first time. I have a small cyst I was concerned about but its not a big deal.
    - Today I got my nails done. I tried saving a little money last month by doing them by myself. Verdict: my time equals money and what takes the salon an hr to do, takes me several hours (and doesn't look nearly as nice).
    - Tomorrow I'm going to Physical Therapy for the first time.
    - Monday Eye Doc
    - Thursday Mammogram (eek). That's the the one I'm scared of....ouchie.

    It's crazy how I used to feel guilty about doing anything for myself. I never would have gotten a massage. I couldn't justify paying money for something that wasn't tangible. I would only get my nails done for special occasions. I'd hardly ever buy myself clothes or shoes. Or get my hair done regularly. I'd just get a box and do it myself (not that there is anything wrong with that), but it's okay to do things for yourself that make you feel good, obviously within reason (and budget). And you shouldn't feel guilty about it. You deserve it! Don't let anyone (including yourself) make you feel otherwise!
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2019
  3. Seren

    Seren New Fapstronaut

    1
    0
    1
     
  4. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut

    82
    212
    33
    @Seren your comment didn’t come through.
     
  5. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut

    82
    212
    33
    Valentines Day

    It’s a Hallmark holiday. It’s also my parents Anniversary (mom and stepdad) so it’s not something I’m super big on. Don’t need fancy big gifts like jewelry or anything. But a card or chocolate or something is nice.

    When my husband was working at his last job he used to stop at this chocolate factory and get the kids something and me a box of chocolates and a card. I love chocolate even though it’s dangerous bc I can’t just have one. I have like 5 at a time :oops:. A time hop came up yesterday that showed my husband making a salmon dinner for me (which he only does on special occasions like my birthday).

    He asked the other day what I wanted to do this year. We agreed that we would do a lunch date or something since I didn’t want the crowds from the holiday and he’d be away for the weekend. It ended up he had to work instead and didn’t get home until after 7. So he brought dinner home instead. It was last minute, but I still decided to grab him a card and a chocolate bar and new pillow since we both needed one.

    I have to say I was a little disappointed though. I know he had a long day and brought home dinner. But a card or something sweet would have been nice. Something to show a little effort on his part. He apologized for not getting me anything but it’s only because he didn’t expect me to do anything and I did so it made him feel bad.

    He’s usually so much better at this. He out does me often. I guess that’s why it’s slightly disappointing. But chin up. I can outdo him ever once in a while I guess. Plus he’s really good about doing these things randomly just because and not out of obligation.
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2019
  6. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut

    82
    212
    33
    Triggered

    It’s a little after 6:30a and I’m feeling triggered. Part of it is def my fault.

    I haven’t exactly done the behavior circle exercise with inner circle behaviors and all that, but I’d have to admit that I was acting out myself yesterday.

    I haven’t been on point this week. I didn’t even get one day of quiet prayer time. I hate saying that but it’s true. When I’m centered in Christ and my priorities are in line everything else pretty much follows suit. So it would only make sense that I lose my peace when I’m not aligned vertically.

    I contacted neighbor, which I shouldn’t. Not that it’s completely bad but it’s attention seeking on my part. Luckily nothing came of that. Then I drank a few glasses of wine and stayed up on the phone with a friend and ignored my husbands call. When I finally called him back 20mins later he was at the bar w coworkers “celebrating”. It’s was almost 2a so that didn’t make me very happy but I didn’t say anything. He said he’d call before bed which he did but I was already asleep, it was almost 3a at that point.

    Before I went to bed I texted him about a Vegas trip my friend is trying to have me go on. I was debating on not going because We have a big trip in a few weeks, (possibly two trips) so finding coverage for the kids is a bit tight. But after his “celebration”, it made me think yes I am going to go. Is it spiteful? Partially I guess. My feeling is that he can take off for those days and be the coverage. If he can let lose and have so much fun on his “work” trip away from home and make it into a vacation why should I feel bad about going on a girls trip to Vegas w my friend!? So I can be out “celebrating” and he can understand what’s it’s like to sit home and wonder what I’m doing til 3a.

    So him being out til 3a “celebrating” with his coworkers has me triggered, to say the least. I’m angry. I don’t want to angry. I don’t like thinking irrationally bc I’m triggered and going down the rabbit hole. I don’t want to be the controlling wife and I don’t want that behavior turned back on me either. He’s an adult. I’m not his mother.

    I may be bothered more because he has been slacking lately. He decided to stop going to the meetings he’s been going to. He has plans to attend a different one but work interfered and he didn’t end up going yet (so no mtg in weeks). He started seeing a new therapist but he’s only been to him once, again work schedule interference. He did reach out to someone, which actually impressed the hell out of me, but again he hasn’t been able to meet up with him yet bc of his schedule. So with all of that I am seeing the irresponsibility on his part. His carelessness. His IA waking up.

    I can see this two different ways.

    1. He’s a grown man and it’s up to him what time he decides to stay out and behave. I don’t want to be told what I can and cannot do either. I’m not his mother and don’t want that dynamic.

    2. As a married man away from home for work, not vacation, I don’t feel he should be out drinking w coworkers til 3a. That’s being of the world which is something we try not be. “In it but not if it.” I don’t necessarily feel it’s behaving like a married man.

    So I have conflicting feelings. But either way I’m triggered. I’m trying to process through the trigger and decide how to handle it. Decide if he broke a boundary, which I think it sort of is because drinking excessively when away is one of them. Staying out drinking til 3a is probably excessive. Even if he didn’t start until 1a. I can’t control what he does but I think a fair consequence is that it’s his responsibility to handle kids stuff while I go away with my friend. If he needs to find coverage that’s on him. I usually assume the responsibility of making sure everyone is set. His turn.
     
  7. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut

    82
    212
    33
    Thank you. I agree. I think irrationally and spitefully when I’m triggered but when I comes down to it I’m not that kind of person. I can’t be spiteful. I can care a little less though. His lack of “mindfulness” makes me care less.

    The trip was something we talked about I was looking at flights yesterday before he left. It wasn’t random but he mentioned kid coverage and how we are already asking a lot from our family in the nxt few weeks. He’s right so I was considering just not going because of that, but his mindlessness on top of already lack of vday effort pushed my decision the other way. He can take off the days I’ll be away and be the coverage, just like I’m always the coverage for him. He might fight me on it but then he can figure it out because I feel that is the natural consequence for him. I usually figure it all out for him between my family, his and some friends.
     
    Kenzi and Deleted Account like this.
  8. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut

    82
    212
    33
    Trigger continued...

    Talked to him this morning and let him know I was triggered last night/this morning. He asked why and I explained. Said he didn’t think I’d be bothered since they weren’t out “partying”, just hanging in the lobby watching tv and talking drinking their one drink each. Well I didn’t have the full picture last night because he didn’t communicate it to me. All I knew was he was having drinks til 3a and my anxiety paints it’s own picture. He asked what he could have done to help me not feel triggered then realized the obvious answer. I appreciated that. And I definitely feel better than I did earlier. He didn’t get defensive at all which is a good sign.

    Still booked my flight though. And told him he could take off for two days with the kiddos. I need this girls trip and so does she. Vegas here I come :cool:
     
  9. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut

    82
    212
    33
    Thank God it’s Sunday...

    So glad it’s the end of the week. I have been so ready to be done this week. It’s been exhausting.

    Today was particularly fun. Especially the part where the toddler locked my bedroom door and shut it. Did I mention we don’t have a key? Oh yeah and that I had a curling iron on!?! Hubs is still away. The teens were both out.

    ...I eventually got in...not fun though...

    In regard to my recovery, I was triggered the other night but didn’t stay there long. Keep myself busy with painting kid3 room this weekend. So he’s been sleeping in my room since hubs has been away anyway. (Hence locking my door). Meet a fellow group member before group tonight. That was good. Group was good as always. It was definitely a nice way to end the week.

    I think I only made it to the gym 1x this past week. Not good. Haven’t really stayed low carb. Need another jumpstart.

    I did manage to get up early pretty much all week. A little insomnia kept me up even more.

    Bed got made everyday except today.

    In the process of catching up w laundry.

    Prayer and quiet time only once this week.

    I’m hoping to get a decent amount done tomorrow. It’s the start of a new week.

    Goals:

    - Early bed/wake up
    - prayer and meditation daily
    - daily tidying
    - low carb/jumpstart
    - gym 3-4x
    - 2nd chapter of workbook
     
  10. You are going to kick this week's butt! God first .. everything else will fall into place.
     
    B3unbroken likes this.
  11. I’m going to be obnoxious and say “ traditionally Sunday is the first day of the week”
    In a very snooty voice. LoL
    ;):p

    How did you break in?
    You left me hanging. :eek:
     
  12. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut

    82
    212
    33
    Thank you! And yes you are so right!
     
    TryingHard2Change likes this.
  13. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut

    82
    212
    33
    Haha..

    Yeah yeah I JUST had this difference of opinion with my hubs the other day. With the whole..calendar starts on Sunday thing :rolleyes:..lol

    First he wanted me to get to the electrical panel (which is a pain bc a cover is screwed over it bc it’s in a finished basement). I had to keep flipping switches and running back upstairs until I found the right one. We accidentally did the same thing a few hrs ago so the plate on the door jam is missing. So I got a flat head screw driver and worked it in until it popped open. Luckily without damaging anything further. :cool:
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  14. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Pfft!
    Mcfly. What a foofer...
    Calendar starts on Monday!! :rolleyes::rolleyes:
     
  15. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut

    82
    212
    33
    I have Hashimotos so I really should stay “gluten-free”. Which is very difficult.

    I do a 2day detox which just basically kicks you into Keto along with a diabetic type eating every two hrs which balances your blood sugar. Then it’s supposed to be a balance after of 2 serving proteins, 3 vegetables, 2 fruits, 1 serving carb. And drinking half your body weight in ounces of water. It works great but with having a family it makes it difficult bc they don’t all follow the Sam or want to so...
     
    Trappist, Deleted Account and Kenzi like this.
  16. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut

    82
    212
    33
    Lol

    Well I mean work/school week starts on Monday. Sunday is still the weekend. A day of rest not work. ;)
     
  17. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Me too:p
     
    Deleted Account and B3unbroken like this.
  18. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut

    82
    212
    33
    Monday

    - Bed made
    - Prayer and Meditation
    - PT
    - Eye appt
    - Planned girls night w some ladies from group
    - Started to tidy but ended up going through a box of pictures and reminiscing.
     
  19. Awesome job!
     
    B3unbroken likes this.
  20. B3unbroken

    B3unbroken Fapstronaut

    82
    212
    33
    Thank you :). And thanks for the encouragement to start my day with talking to God. It honestly makes ALL the difference in my day!
     

Share This Page