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Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by B3unbroken, Jan 22, 2019.
Thanks old friend! Hope you are doing well!
Oct 27th...1 year...or was it?
Well today was supposed to mark the 1 year anniversary since my husbands last relapse. I wish I was here to claim victory over this stupid addiction but unfortunately I can't say that is true.
I have been pretty sensitive leading up to today. I asked him Tues how he's been doing and told me struggled. When I checked into that I discovered he'd been searching social media for inappropriate pictures, since his computer blocks porn or anything it might consider inappropriate. What I saw I considered a relapse. He apparently did not. I was angry and disappointed. I cried for the first time in almost a year. It sucks how I could be so easily triggered to the same feelings I had when we started this journey. Luckily I'm not stuck there and I believe I'm in a healthier place to deal. I'm surrounded with a good amount of support and people checking in on me who have been in the same place.
Since then he's been on the couch. He deleted his social media and asked if we could go to marriage counseling. Both of these are positive things but I'm not letting my guard down or settling. I don't trust him, I wonder if I ever can or will. I do however trust God and know no matter what I'll alway be okay because of that. I think if the mindset the addict has is "I will alway struggle, for the ret of my life" that you are setting yourself up for failure. You already have a defeated mindset. Jesus came to overcome. If your a believer then you too are an overcomer. Your mindset should be "I can do all things.." and "when there is temptation there will be a way out.."
I hear other women say they knew when their husbands were changed men. I guess I'll know when the that transition is complete...if ever. In the mean time, my goal is to stay healthy, stay aware of what he IS currently doing not what he did or says and live my life according to God's purpose whether that is with my husband or not.