Uncontrollable and Fear

Hi guys,
I want to ask all of you read this thread and give your suggestion . I know maybe this thread is long but somebody needs your words.

Today i relapsed after 6 days

I am addicted to PM since 2002 and i wish never meet porn but unfortunately porn and masturbate trapped me and spread out in all my life and my mind . 6 months ago i realize quitting this shit is my key to be succeed in life and i start but until know i haven't quit PM for 90 days and my best record was 23 days . I am really proud myself to made decision to change my life and i am happy because i found my answers in quitting PM . First days i registered in NoFap , The @2525 very supported me and helped me a lot and he gave me a list of 50 habits can you do and control your mind in healthy ways . After couple of weeks i decided to do some of them and the list is really magical can helped you incredibly nice .

But my goal from this thread :

I am very Sociable and good looking , Every time i get away of PM like 3 or 5 days the behavior of any girl or any person around me changed and look like they smell my changes , I have very strong sexually energy and all those attributes of myself that i said makes me angry because i all the time say to myself : '' look the people who have not anything like speaking good and can connect well with people ( except girls because of PM i have fear of rejection ) and good face and be handsome which i am all of them " I know this is bad question because i shouldn't compare myself with anyone, so my point that people doesn't have my attributes but they are more successful in life but me because of PM always in this 26 years living on this planet always living in messy and and Unknown and harmful emotions and thought and always bother myself . Can you imagine , The every single day 14 years it means 5510 days doing PM and living with harmful emotions and thoughts and always The every single seconds be jealous to those people have good life and someone to love which i always want .
so this days i am on reboot duration, my mind filled up with big fear to lose on everything and lost all my dreams and big fear of : Am i suppose to be a defeated this time again in front of PM and in battle with PM ?
I know this question destruct my self steam and my confidence
I have big fear of not having control on my life because of PM
the bottom line is , I lose my power , i feel i can't defeat PM, This thought driving me crazy and i feel this monster(PM) are extremely huge to i defeated alone .
I need your words guys please help me there is no worst than a human feel have not any control on his life . I feel like a slave .
How can i get my freedom and get rid of this feelings like big fears and not having control on my life and i am a slave of PM ?

 

Thank you so much. I am so much in