Unknowingly rebooted then relapsed

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Wancawi, Nov 5, 2020.

  1. Wancawi

    Wancawi Fapstronaut

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    I have a pretty absurd history with addiction, I was addicted to everything from a young age and being on amphetamines and masturbating I wreaked havoc on my dopamine pathways. Long, long story short I ended up in the jungle in Peru and the shamans here have been helping me to heal (I have eternal gratitude for this). I have been doing shamanic healing processes and have been starting to feel human again. Last month, I started to notice something incredible, my sexuality came back and not just that, my social abilities, confidence, all kinds of things were so high that I was able to connect with females in a way I'm not used to. Like I be feeling all this appreciation and admiration of their beauty (not just physically but emotionally the female energy) and it's like they can sense that so they'll initiate conversation and it's really beautiful to be able to experience this kind of connection, I never really experienced this ever since I was on drugs from the time I would have naturally opened up to this. During this short time period I even made a girlfriend.

    One night in a dream, I physically rubbed off a female shaman I know well and it turned into an orgasm, I had a wet dream (this hadn't happened since I was a teenager) and then I thought fuck it I broke the long streak of abstinence (I hadn't masturbated in months since this is part of the shamanic healing processes I been doing). I masturbated a few times that week and everything just crashed. I stopped feeling that ability for human connection and social anxiety came on strong. I started eating unhealthy a month before this an experienced my energy and motivation levels crash too.

    I made the connection that not masturbating has been a significant part of my healing process and most especially healing this aspect of myself. My social and human connection abilities. So I decided to commit to never masturbating again for the rest of my life and I read about this nofap thing and see it all makes sense now and there's a whole community of people here practicing this, amazing! I'm two weeks into it now and been in a pretty bad depression. I've also stopped drinking coffee, eating sugar and unhealthy foods, and started intermittent fasting. And meditating, especially very first thing in the morning. I'll be starting another shamanic healing process soon and actually have already started drinking plants.

    Synchronously just as I decided to write this thread I've been feeling the healing effects come back. Emotionally I can feel myself coming back to life. My sex drive is still completely gone but I sense it'll come back. I was badly depressed before but been meditating a lot and transmuting the pain and life is beautiful.

    There are so many different things I been doing to heal myself it's hard to know what's doing what but I'm actually healing which is miraculous, I didn't believe it was possible for someone so far gone as I was to heal but it is. I been through a process of healing extreme drug addiction and I can see from reading the threads on this forum that nofap is exactly the same thing as drug addiction recovery.

    I'm deeply blessed to be in the jungle with the shamans here, they are truly beautiful and lovely people here and most people in the west wouldn't even believe the power of the healing practices they do here and what the shamans can do (they diagnose your issues and see things psychically in Ayahuasca ceremonies and help you to remove negative energies and blockages and things like this). I wouldn't even know where to begin talking about all this. The shamans and the plant spirits have opened up a doorway to a whole other dimension of possibility for me in healing myself. But I got free from drugs and started this healing process before I came to the jungle, I've healed and crashed, recovered and relapsed so much that I have a pretty deep understanding of it all now.

    Healing is a wholistic thing, there is not just one thing or one method, everything is connected. Just making the commitment to never exposing yourself to porn for example is a spiritual detoxification process. When you drink Ayahuasca you can see the energetic connections between things. Deciding not to masturbate in order to heal and better yourself is a spiritual practice.

    This is only one aspect of it, the food we eat is another vital aspect of it, food is energy we take into ourselves. The junk food industries thrive on addiction just like the porn industry and that's a dark energy flow. The same thing applies to media, the kinds of things we expose our psyche to.

    Its really nice that an online community like this exists, I never even considered this aspect of it, that you can actually heal yourself by abstaining altogether from masturbation.

    May you all be healthy, happy and free
     

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