Unpopular Opinion: Being Single is Awesome :D

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by REDLIPSTICKPOP, Jan 30, 2021.

  1. REDLIPSTICKPOP

    REDLIPSTICKPOP Fapstronaut

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    First of all, it's my personal opinion that society perpetuates the false idea that we need a romantic partner in order to be whole. The real question is, what's so dangerous about an independent, attractive (yes you reading this and me are attractive!), successful, confident, and intelligent woman (in my case), that people feel so threatened that they feel the need to question my relationship status. Throughout my whole nofap journey, and pretty much since I was a little girl, there have been so many pressures to be in a relationship, as if that was the be all end all.

    Tell me it is with a straight face.

    [Also disclaimer, I'm talking strictly about romantic relationships, not having friends. Friends are aweome! :p Or casual sex.]

    It's glamorized. Relationships are. Society and social media's obsession with relationships is completely toxic and unhealthy. Besides, it's not even like society is into the nitty gritty, hard parts of relationships, the arguments, fighting, and getting through hard stuff, it's about the picture perfect moments, the sex, and being able to say you have someone, rather than actually considering and realizing who you actually HAVE. Like sometimes the person people are with, completely and utterly sucks, but we're supposed to envy that, all so we can have someone to take pictures with? To f*ck with? I mean, explain this?

    People are really out here trying to force things that shouldn't be forced with someone, all so at the end of the day they can have something, rather than nothing. Even if they know they don't mesh! (I've seen it happen). It's literally a statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce... why is that?

    Being single is not a flaw? Like wth? If you really just think about it, it's weird. Like, why is it even a hot topic to be single and thriving? Also, this perpetuates the idea that we need a romantic relationship to be happy, and that we in and of ourselves, can't be happy if we're not romantically attached.

    Also a disclaimer, I'm not bitter about relationships at all. I think they're beautiful and wonderful (when they're made for the right reasons), and I'm close friends with a couple that has been together for 25 years.

    I just don't think being single and finding fulfillment are mutually exclusive. I fell in love with myself again (I know that sounds weird, but what I meant is, I like myself. I really do). I'm so excited for when this panorama ends and I can solo travel again, learn each different culture, try their cuisine, and meet random strangers and learn so much from them.

    I spent so much time in my teen years obsessing over my relationship status like everyone else, that I never realized how messed up that was.

    (**some points were derived from others in a conversation.)
     
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  2. blacklabel92

    blacklabel92 Fapstronaut

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    speaking as a guy, in my experience ppl just assume a role on me, either has a gf or multiple girls, feels good but far frm the truth. lol. only if they knew, appearances can be deceiving, dnt judge a book by its cover. i like seeing couples, yea it sucks when ur single and see a couple but thats a normal reaction. as long as you love yourself first youll find the one you just click with eventually or like most older folks who haven't been able to find anyone end up finding other older folks in the same position. your alone, im alone, lets do this! and thats what it comes down to at the end of the day. finding someone to keep u warm at night. (cue shitty pop song*)
     
  3. Slimjimjones

    Slimjimjones Fapstronaut

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    A lot of this has to do with sociology and the 'culture' that the west has developed. There are monks out there that are extremely happy with just being themselves. So long answer short, western culture is poisonous and you outta realize the extent people are influenced by the mob. Only you can find your own purpose in life :)

    Cheers!
     
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  4. again

    again Fapstronaut
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    This sounds awesome. It reminds me of my daughter. Good for you.
     
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  5. REDLIPSTICKPOP

    REDLIPSTICKPOP Fapstronaut

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    But I guess my question is, why does it suck to be single? Like, what is fundamentally wrong with being unattached? From what I've experienced, the other side of the fence ain't that great either (having a partner I mean). I'm not saying it's bad to want to be in a relationship, but I'm confused by why we feel like we're lacking or something is wrong with us, if we're single (talking about society here).

    And omg the "cue shitty pop song" part made me LOL! :emoji_joy:
     
  6. REDLIPSTICKPOP

    REDLIPSTICKPOP Fapstronaut

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    Amazing advice man! Thanks! And I totally agree :D
     
  7. REDLIPSTICKPOP

    REDLIPSTICKPOP Fapstronaut

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    Ahahaha! Thanks! Your daughter sounds pretty cool :p
     
  8. WHMvsPMO

    WHMvsPMO Fapstronaut

    Not to hijack the thread but I wouldn't stop there, like what about not having lots of money? Or I'll go so far as having a job. (I have one, but don't hold that against me) There are a lot of assumptions that are just unquestioned and unqualified for the persons specific situation, people assume human beings should be judged based on the few yardsticks we have like looks or money. It's really kind of sad. But then we internalize that and if it's not even questioned it's a way for people to criticize themselves even.
     
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  9. REDLIPSTICKPOP

    REDLIPSTICKPOP Fapstronaut

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    Omg yes, you completely hijacked my thread :(. LOL jk jk

    Yeah, I actually completely agree! Especially the one about the money/job. There's so much pressure about how much money/assets you have in society, and that determines your position in other people's eyes. Because of that, we're led to self-criticize if we feel we're lacking in that in someway, because we don't want to be seen as lesser, even though that bar for measurement is so stupid.

    Sometimes it even extends to what you do for work too! Like, there's a completely different reaction for being a Janitor vs. a Stockbroker, though I'm quite sure both of them work as hard, perhaps the Janitor even has to work harder to prove their worth because people devalue their position so much.

    The yardsticks are definitely money, relationship status, looks, even where you live, ethnic identity/race? I'm just done with it all :p.
     
  10. WHMvsPMO

    WHMvsPMO Fapstronaut

    Ohhhh... How about this for a Relationship status: Fake. Or Superficial. 80/20 respectively? Putting that on a profile might get people to think for one second. After all the only thing people are interested in is typically whether there's a romantic one or not, not the overall quality of both that relationship or any other relationship in the persons life.

    I'll definitely admit I'm not that great at deep relationships or anything, but at this point I appreciate it. I sometimes hang out with this younger guy who doesn't have a job right now but people trust him with their cars and money and stuff. He is in what might be called, stereotypically a hippie culture but it does make me question the values most people have because he has friends that recognize his virtues. A lot of people find out when life gets tough that people are not there for them, or maybe they assume other people won't be so they resort to money as a safety net. Contrast that with someone who is a working professional, which they put in a dating profile sometimes right.. Why is that even relevant? Just on the assumption the other person might want to mooch off you? What does that say about the persons character in any shape or form? Okay maybe they are industrious, but that's nothing about interpersonal relationship, that's about doing a job or having a career.

    I think we need to qualify it specifically. Even if say you're looking at dating a philosophy professor: Is it just book knowledge? Sure they're educated, you might have some interesting conversations, but that doesn't automatically translate into any other quality you might want in a potential romantic partner does it??
     
    REDLIPSTICKPOP likes this.
  11. Better to be single, than be with someone that doesn't match. I heard 50% of marriages end in divorce or separation.. Hmm, surprised? People often get in relationships to fill a void in their life (loneliness, acceptance, approval, etc.), thinking that a relationship will help or solve insecurity. Or they stick with someone they don't even match with due to fear - even worse when someone marries someone within a few months of knowing them, ouch.

    Society says go get married, have kids, make money, be accepted within society like everyone everyone else and follow the cycle - how silly. What people should be doing is focusing on being happy with themselves through investing in their mind, and then put themselves in situations to be seen, than the right one will naturally gravitate towards them, resulting in action being taken, and bringing the start of a good relationship
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2021
  12. WHMvsPMO

    WHMvsPMO Fapstronaut

    And the order is reversed a lot of times right - people look to be seen and that is supposed to bring happiness. And situations to be seen might amount to social media or something these days.. Meanwhile we don't know when we'll actually have the opportunity to actually be seen IRL for the most part. The system kind of supports people who want to focus on mass attention rather than deep attention.
     
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  13. REDLIPSTICKPOP

    REDLIPSTICKPOP Fapstronaut

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    Yeah! From most of the people who I know who have fulfilling relationships, they weren't actually looking for anyone. They were just being themselves and they found each other randomly.
     
  14. REDLIPSTICKPOP

    REDLIPSTICKPOP Fapstronaut

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    I heard this story about a Buddhist monk who asked this couple why they wanted to get married. The man said it was because his girlfriend made him happy and he knew being with her, she could make him happy for the rest of his life. The woman said the same thing, and the monk said to them "You should not marry each other because it will likely fail. You are marrying each other because of what the other can do for you. You have never considered what you could do for your partner--you both have selfish reasons."

    That was probably a bad paraphrase LOL, but basically with these sorts of idealized romantic relationships, even friendships too, it's all about what the other person can do for you, and not what you can do for them. We think of ourselves first and what we want, and that builds up a cycle of selfishness, that if the other person were to say, fail to deliver, we feel betrayed because we really only loved/liked them because of how they made us feel good and what they did for us. With this new craze for mass attention on social media, it's really based around this idea honestly, especially dating apps and stuff. What will you/can you do for me?
     
  15. WHMvsPMO

    WHMvsPMO Fapstronaut

    Takes 'what have you done for me lately' to a new level with the short attention spans and all.
     
  16. evenprincehaveproblems

    evenprincehaveproblems Fapstronaut

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    ''it's about the picture perfect moments, the sex, and being able to say you have someone, rather than actually considering and realizing who you actually HAVE''

    that sentence caught me.

    but best make it clear, what we actually HAVE is also the sex+status, it's part of the package of your partner.#

    of course, many people found out - too late, that partner with good sex+status doesn't make them happy, which is the final grade to all activities, so they quit and divorce.

    so if you believe, or if porn has influenced you so much that you still believe in sex+status too much, than don't marry.


    but it's important to understand that marriage was is and will always be a very good way to happiness. if you know what you are doing.
     
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  17. TheForsakeen

    TheForsakeen Fapstronaut

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    down with the criminal bourgeoisie.
     
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  18. REDLIPSTICKPOP

    REDLIPSTICKPOP Fapstronaut

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    Amen to that LMAO.
     
  19. REDLIPSTICKPOP

    REDLIPSTICKPOP Fapstronaut

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    Ah! I really like your explanation of the "package of your partner." Nice points :D
     

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