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Unpopular opinion time: sex is over-rated

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Porn Free Wanderer, Dec 30, 2018.

  1. Porn Free Wanderer

    Porn Free Wanderer Fapstronaut

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    Yes, this is posted in Self-Improvement for a reason. Read on and you'll see what that is.

    I have come to the conclusion that sex is just about the most over-rated human activity in existence.

    Now let me be clear on something. This is not some incel/MGTOW/misogynist rant. I personally have had plenty of sex in the past, with women in ten different countries. I have experimented with transwomen and even men. I have had threesomes and been with women who did things I didn't even see in over 25 years of watching porn. So understand where I'm coming from here. There isn't much I haven't done (at least not much legal that I haven't done - I've stayed away from illegal activities such as things involving minors or animals).

    The thing is, none (or at least very few) of these experiences are things I would repeat if I had the chance to do it all again with the benefit of hindsight and knowing what it was like. I remember when I was 27 and paid an escort to stamp my "v-card" (yes, I did wait that long). The thing that most stands out about my memory of that experience was thinking "wait, this is it? This is the thing that I've heard so much about?" Of course, being young and dumb as I was back then, I thought the problem was me. I thought "maybe I picked the wrong woman/was in the wrong mood/what the fuck ever" As an aside, I never thought my virginity was some special or "holy" thing. About the only thing that changed in my life after that experience was that my wallet was a little lighter.

    So I continued to pursue sex. I spent a ridiculous amount of money on escorts, I travelled to foreign countries thinking "there must be something special or magical about this - I just need to find it!" I experimented with transwomen, I even experimented with men (the only time I ever suffered from ED by the way). After all, I heard the line that "only a man knows how to touch another man". Boy was that bullshit. The thing that I came to realise was that sex is not magical or special. Oh, sure, it can be fun sometimes (it can also be as boring as batshit sometimes), but special or life-changing? Not unless you get an STD or an unplanned pregnancy (and somehow I don't think that's a life change too many of us want). The bottom line here is this. We, as men (and probably a lot of women too) try too hard to get sex when it just isn't worth the cost or the effort.

    Now I can hear the counter-argument already. "B-but sex is a natural human drive, I can't just turn off my sex drive". Fair point, but do you know what else is a natural human drive? Excretion. Taking a dump. That's just as much a human instinct as sex - probably even more so. Now I'm not suggesting we try to suppress that instinct, but we should at least be selective about where we do it (and most of us generally are, for fear of being arrested if nothing else). Why can't we be like that with our sex drives?

    We give up far too much to obtain sex. We lower our standards because certain people offer to have sex with us. And I'm not just talking about escorts - how many of us hang around in bars and consume copious amounts of alcohol - draining our bodies and our bank accounts in the hope that some bar woman with 100 guys on the odometer will 'throw us a bone'? How many of us get upset because some girl who didn't give a fuck about us said she woudn't have sex with us? And for what? A few minutes pleasure? Maybe, if she's into it and actually good at it.

    You know, in 2019 I'm planning a lot of changes to my life and to my daily habits. I'll write a post here on the three levels of change tomorrow, but for now I'll leave you with this. The change I'm aiming for in 2019 is less time spent chasing sexual gratification (which includes staying the fuck away from porn and escorts) and more time spent working on myself. If I happen to meet someone of a high standard who is working on herself who wants to share a relationship with me then I'll consider it. If not, however, I'll focus on other things that are more rewarding in the long term. Things like Travel, Spending time in Nature, Working Out, Working on my Career, and probably a heap of others I could think of with more time.

    I believe that people (and especially men) who can refrain from being distracted by chasing sex because a few PUA's trying to sell us bullshit bootcamps tell us "it's wonderful", have a huge opportunity for self improvement.
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2018
    Mordobarn, ccml, u376 and 5 others like this.
  2. HereAndThere

    HereAndThere Fapstronaut

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    These are all the things you managed to notice, but there is so much more things we do unconsciously to get sex and validation, thinking it will solve our problems. Getting over it, and gaining control over ones sex drive, over one self in general is one of the hardest and most crucial things a man can do in life.
     
  3. Tankus

    Tankus Fapstronaut

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    I agree with basically all of what you're saying and that's an awesome positive change to start enacting in your life. But I didn't notice you talking about having sex with someone you are deeply in love with and comfortable with. That is on a completely different level to regular sex, especially something you've paid for. When you get to know a partner and be super comfortable with them over months or years and get to explore every sexual aspect of them in great detail, it is simply beautiful. In my experience not much casual sex has compared to it.

    But yeah totally agree that as humans we lower ourselves way too much for sex, especially in all the situations you described. I think pursuing genuine connections with women is much better than just straight up pursuing sex. I'll get a lot more fulfillment out of a date if it's all authentic and genuine. Just my thoughts.
     
  4. CTRL + DEL

    CTRL + DEL Fapstronaut

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  5. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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  6. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    I heard it is much better if you love the person who you are doing it with, but what do I know.
     
  7. Porn Free Wanderer

    Porn Free Wanderer Fapstronaut

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    You make some valid points. The reason I didn't mention sex with someone I love is because it's one of the few things I'm yet to actually experience. I've been with people I liked who I thought were good people, but that's about as close as I ever got. If I'm totally honest, the best times I've ever had with women have been with women I didn't even pursue for sex (either people I wasn't attracted to, or situations where we just had better things to do). In fact, even if I'm with someone who is physically attractive, after a while the desire for sex just seems to fall away and I'd much rather just go to a concert together or climb a mountain.

    Reading your post reminds me that I need to stop chasing cheap "highs" like casual sex with someone "hot", and focus on things that seem boring but will ultimately be more satisfying in the long run. When I look at the number of people who have affairs in relationships, I suspect I'm not the only one.
     
    payooli, Tankus and Deleted Account like this.
  8. Themadfapper

    Themadfapper Fapstronaut

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    I experienced the same thing with a WTF this is it feeling as well? I also thought it might have been the girl, but later realized sex wasn't all that.
     
    Porn Free Wanderer likes this.
  9. Average2Alpha

    Average2Alpha Fapstronaut

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    Men have a superpower and that is converting that sex energy into some greater purpose rather than just doing physical acts. Sex is the greatest force and when used properly, we can achieve great things.
     
    ReclaimedLife likes this.
  10. GratifiedSlave

    GratifiedSlave Fapstronaut

    I needed this post. I think I'm longing for sex way too much and I should better focus on other aspects of life rather than desiring for sex 24/7
     
  11. Clarke

    Clarke Fapstronaut

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    All you've proven is that sleeping with whores and lose women is unfulfilimg. No shit.
     
    payooli likes this.
  12. Porn Free Wanderer

    Porn Free Wanderer Fapstronaut

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    Get back to me when you have some proof that sex with anyone has some kind of magical, life changing quality.
     
  13. Porn Free Wanderer

    Porn Free Wanderer Fapstronaut

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    You're the only one who tried to "move the goalposts". The title of the thread is "sex" is overrated, not "Casual sex with whores is overrated".

    Either way, you're just another incel troll with nothing else to do. I haven't blocked anyone on this site before, but you can be the first.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  14. Clarke

    Clarke Fapstronaut

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    The title is that sex is overrated, but you asked my to prove that sex is magical and life changing. That's virginal thinking. In your post you only mentioned how unsatisfied you were with all the whores, bar slags, transgendered people, and men you had sex with. No mention of girlfriend or wife, hence my comment that you've only proven casual sex to be overrated.

    Feel free to block me if you find the truth triggering. Just remember the next time you're filled with ennui while you're sucking off a train of guys at the local glory hole, that rampant hedanism and prudishness are not your only two options.

    However, I would like to make a serious offer. If you truly find sex to be so overrated, I will personally pay for you to have your testicle surgically removed. I have cash money that I will put in escrow. I'm not joking at all, I want nothing but the best for you.
     
    payooli likes this.
  15. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Uhm... It did for me actually.
     
  16. Coolyorky

    Coolyorky Fapstronaut

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    Having sex with a girl you love and holding her all night is the best feeling
     
    ReclaimedLife likes this.
  17. Marik757

    Marik757 Fapstronaut

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    I became a Wizard a few months ago. I realized how much energy I've been wasting trying to get lucky. Hurting my confidence as a human. When instead I could have been out there doing things I enjoy and improving myself.

    Studying the dark arts of PMO wasnt worth the time.
     
  18. Retentionman

    Retentionman Fapstronaut

    Maybe not overrated, just under-practiced. If you know how to do it properly it's actually healthy. No need to ejaculate
     

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