Unsuccessful attempts at sex with my first girlfriend

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Kennjames69, Oct 17, 2019.

  1. Kennjames69

    Kennjames69 Fapstronaut

    So Iv'e been a porn addict since about 14. For the longest time I thought it was normal but looking back at my porn consumption it was definitely a bit excessive and only continued through college. Im 23 now and just got my first official girlfriend though I had a few flings in the past those were all short lived so my experience with sex is still minimal. Before I met my now girlfriend I had two encounters before where I couldnt perform. Though I was sure I suspected porn to be the issue. The next time I new it had to be. Im about a month or so in not watching porn. I did NoFap for a min but things got sexual kind of quick with my girl. I had to tell her about my PIED and so I did and shes been understanding. She also has limited sexual experience. She gives me boners just cuddling or putting her feet on me or sometimes just starring at me. Even in public with her Ill randomly get them. And we've fooled around abit, but when it comes to it I go soft. Maybe a bit of nerves takeover but Im pretty comfortable with her and shes been hella patient and unbothered. Hell (my penis) be ready when He's ready she says, but I cant help but feel frustrated because I know she wants me in that way and Im crazy about this girl and I dont want her to slip through my fingers. I I thought I was cured or at least otw to it, but we've tried to have sex 3 times now and the last 2 I didnt perform despite being aroused up until it was time to get going. Idk what to do at this point any help or advice would help. Also I do fantasize quite often where I do get boners usually is this impeding progress? Also Im not keen on wanting to nofap i just want to perform, but I realize that may be what I need and I did nofap for about 2weeks when It came time to sex I ecajulated early. Guess another question is should I keep trying to have sex and do nofap for 40 to 90 days. How do I get over the anxiety and fear of failing again? I think thats apart of my issue. Any advice would be hella appreciated.
  2. Eddywordz

    Eddywordz Fapstronaut

    To be honest man, I don’t really have any advice for you. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and to not beat yourself up over it. I suffer from the same thing and so do many others here.

    Stay strong and keep going without P, your GF knows about your issue so if she’s willing to stick it out for you that’s a win in itself. Just remember not to get upset over it, it’s not the end of the world and you’re a lucky guy to have someone that’s working with you. I’m confident you and everyone else here can beat this addiction.

    And BTW, congrats on being able to have intercourse at all, even if you finished quick. That’s more than ALOT of guys here
    PeterGrip, Homelander and Kennjames69 like this.
  3. Thanks for your sincerity m8.
    Experienced the same stuff b4. Right now I don't have a girlfriend (yup that's life), but everything you should do - it's to organize your thoughts. Then, leave all the stuff that concerns PMO, (if you did it for a long time, you have to be accustomed to the new way of life).
    So, in my situation - everything came with time. Left PMO, became "stronger" in that aspect (I hope u know what I mean). Though, at first understood that my mistake was also in my thoughts. But on the other hand, you should understand that PMO is not the way out (that's why u r here).
    Best wishes!
    PeterGrip and Kennjames69 like this.
  4. Kennjames69

    Kennjames69 Fapstronaut

  5. Kennjames69

    Kennjames69 Fapstronaut

    Thnnx man that actually does help, I should clarify though when I came early we were dryhumping lol the other time it was in for a second and I went soft, but I even saw that as a win cause hey we got further, we joke and say we have had half a sex. But this last time just got to me cause I legitimately thought since I was so easily turned on by her Itd would no longer be a problem, Im gonna keep trying thnx that actually did help
  6. Kennjames69

    Kennjames69 Fapstronaut

    What helped you organize your thoughts, meditation??
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  7. Homelander

    Homelander Fapstronaut

    I had the same problem when being with my new girlfriends. It was caused by PIED, nerves and lack of health (food/sports).
    But it went a lot better in time.

    We also did a lot of karezza sex and oral(69) to solve it. I got really good at oral because of it :)
    Bulk-er, 12&6 and Deleted Account like this.
  8. Well... All you have to do, is to be strict to yourself. The methods are different, but in general this is a general way out.
    Try not to concentrate on your negative experience and realize that there are people who escaped from this stuff.
    Homelander likes this.
  9. 12&6

    12&6 Fapstronaut

    Hey brother. This is going to sound crazy but Im very open. I dont know how else to say it and Im to the point. It worked for me and so I want to share that here.
    Ive had this issue big time and in a very big way at all the wrong times. Its an issue. You either can go FOREVER or not at all. Supplements and Kazzera worked for me. I love eating women out ( sorry if thats tmi) but explore your partner....techniques etc find what she likes or didnt know she did:)....shell be happy and youll make her happy in your down time,no pun. Focus on touch and feel. Hardwire back to your brain. Focus not just on her crouch but legs,lips,ears...give her a massage as well. Full body. Not being dirty either. I literally mean a full body massage.Sex isnt just penetration. She ll probably get pretty excited if you try Kazzera but focus on your side as well. Most likely when you go at it itll be short lived. My girl at the time built my stamina back up w/ a lot of oral techniques:)...the goal being to last longer. Be careful though.Have fun w/ it. Seriously.
    I suggest taking L citrulline. Its a natraul supplement I take (2) 750 a day. It helps me w/ circulation. No porn. At all. If you get urges touch,feel your girl at that moment if possible. It rewires your brain to her,for that response. Walk your dog w/ her. Have her do it.Lol...she sounds like a great partner because honestly it takes a VERY special woman to work through this w/ a man. Whole other level of bonding here.It can be a lot of things for a guy but its still relativly unknown and its SERIOUSLY affecting you younger guys. Even if not exposed to a lot of porn. Simply put,if you wanna take care of your girl dont watch porn. I mean do your homework an ace the test but you plow a good field- youll get a good crop. The build up will help you. Remember four play. Unless its zero hour already go to it.
    Lastly- idk how old you are but wear a jacket. Unless shes on something. Youll blow fast and if youve been holding the arms race down,it can get messy fast. The only thing after that Id mention is the blowback or coolidge affect. Youll be banging all the time. Be careful. Contain it. Your brain needs to be in sync. Now that the troops are ready,you need to deliver the payload when YOU say so,not when they say so.
    Homelander likes this.
  10. Son of Midgaard

    Son of Midgaard Fapstronaut

    Been there too man! And even had like the-other-way-around scenario occur to me aswell; was dating a girl this summer and did not masturbate much or do any porn during the duration of it, so down to business date 5 she sleep over and I get really hard yet she cock blocked me! I hate when girl does that, naturally it all died out since I mean, I felt rejected as a potential mate when she holds out that much.

    But in general, everytime I know or think or perhaps even sense I will have sex with a woman, I become very selfconscious and obsessive it is like I focus to much on performing and avoiding getting embarrased I kind of lose touch with the whole metaphysical experience leading up to sex; touching, feeling, smelling etc. I just become increasingly tense by doing so, and chances of getting an erection decreases naturally, yet I seem not to be able to help myself.

    That being said, last time around I was hard enough for v-sex for around 10 minutes on two different occasions I guess some pills do work from time to time, even was hard the day after. So there is definetely still hope and some sexual confidence to take from that encounter!
  11. dzigi

    dzigi Fapstronaut

    I'll be short with my advice. 20 days is not enoug. Period. You need to be on nofap at least 2 months and than try. I have PIED so trust me. PIED causes it. Nofap at least 60 days and than give it a try. Don't worry everything will be fine
  12. Bulk-er

    Bulk-er Fapstronaut

    I agree with what most guyz here suggested.
    You're lucky to have such an understanding girl with whom you could also open speak about your issue: it's already a good step cause you do not have to hide, and you can avoid that fear that who suffer of PIed have when have to approach a new girl that nothing know about you and your weird problem.
    Btw...you have to take care of her, so give her orgasms, eat her out, use your mouth everywhere on her, use your fingers and do it knowing since the begininning that you're doing something for her, and that you wont penetrate her.
    Think like you have a broken leg: your dick is your leg, so you can't use it untill it heals, but in the meanwhile you can do other things: maybe....who knows, being focused on giving pleasure to her, you get rock hard without noticing cause you didn't have that anxiety of having to perform. Anyway do not fuck her even if u get hard: do it like a training, let the things grow time after time.
    Keep abstaining from porn, from masturbation, focus on her orgams, do sex with your mouth and your hands on her.
    it's hard to abstain: it's hard when in you re in a bad mood, and it's hard when you are in a good mood, but considering you have to abstain, it's much better abstaining when you're in a good mood after having eaten out your girl and gave her a strong orgams and seeing her relaxed, smiling and satisfied cause of you.
    Homelander likes this.
  13. Homelander

    Homelander Fapstronaut

    If you want to be a god at eating a woman out then read this amazing reddit post I found and kept:


    HalfRetardHalfAmazinMay 4, 2012
    This is going to be lengthy. There is no short version to this. You need to read all of it and then read all of it again. Read a third time, too.

    First: the little man in the boat (clit), he's up top. You need to know to this.

    For almost all women, a key ingredient to sex, oral or intercourse, is the build up; anticipation; teasing. If there's one thing I've learned about sex with women, it's this: they all like to be eaten out and fucked, but you need to make them beg you for it. Basically, the idea is to get a woman so hot and bothered that eating her out and fucking her is the easiest part.

    Here's how...

    Like most things in life, you cannot rush anything. If you do, you will make mistakes, or you'll forget things. Sex, oral or intercourse, is absolutely no different. One cannot just shove their or dick into a woman's crotch and just start going at it. Women need to be kissed, teased, sucked and licked elsewhere on their body before you go down on them, and you need to take your time doing it.

    When you have the time available to you, sex is not something you should rush in any way. Unless you're doing a quickie, then that's okay, however, that's not the reason for this post.

    I cannot tell you how to make your girlfriend swoon outside of the bedroom, that's up to you. From here on out, I'm assuming you've done a good job on a date, or whatever, and you're face-to-face with her in the bedroom with her.

    Begin by making out with her, you know how she likes it; kiss her softly, passionately, or kiss her like she's the last woman on this earth, if that's what she likes. Again, take your time here. You are not in any rush whatsoever.

    Turn her head and start kissing her behind her ear. Lick it lightly, using the tip of your tongue, then suck on that area a little. or maybe even bite it softly. Start moving to her neck and licking, sucking, kissing and lightly biting that as you're walking her back towards the bed.

    As you're doing this, smoothly get your hands under her shirt and start lifting it up, but mask that you're doing this by grabbing her on the hips, waist and stomach; spreading your hands wide and firmly grabbing as much as possible. Doing this should make you feel strong and assertive to her, like you want her. Continue taking her shirt off, but not the bra.

    Side note: depending on what position you find yourself in taking a woman's shirt off, if you find yourself behind her do not be afraid to kiss back there. A woman's back and back of her neck can be a HUGE erogenous zone. This will undoubtedly turn her on.

    Kiss her on the lips again, working your way to her neck, down to her chest and in her cleavage. All the while grabbing her hips and waist area to let her know you're in control and you've got this. Reach behind her, unclasp her bra and take it off.

    No matter how much you want, do not beeline for the nipples. I REPEAT: DO NOT MAKE A BEELINE FOR THE NIPPLES. You are not to touch them until I tell you.

    Side note: do not worry about asking for help here if you don't have a lot of experience doing this. Sure, you'll look really smooth if you do it with one hand and don't need to ask. However, it's not a big deal if you can't. I've had sex, literally, thousands of times and those fuckers still get me from time to time. Make a joke if you're uncomfortable. Women love to laugh, and making them laugh during sex is no different. It'll put them at ease.

    At this point, she still has on her pants/skirt, and heels/shoes. You should be completely clothed. Remember, you are not in a rush.

    Lay her down on the bed and get on top of her; almost like you'd be riding her. Lean down and start kissing her on the lips again. Now, AS SLOWLY AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN, make your way down to neck, and slowly to her chest (NOT her boobs).

    Again, you cannot touch her nipples yet. Those little fuckers are sensitive and it CAN hurt.

    Start kissing on the outer parts of one of her breasts while cupping the underside of it using your index finger and thumb with the appropriate hand. This outer area can be another huge erogenous zone on a woman. So, kiss, suck and give it a little bite (very fucking soft at first) only on the outer area (not inside the areola, yet, and definitely not the nipple).

    Side note: some women like to be bitten really hard and other women not at all. You will need to read her reaction either by her moaning, saying "ow," or looking at her face. And even if they do like to be bitten, you need to work your way up to hard bites. Otherwise, it's going to fucking hurt.

    Work your way to the underside of her breast. On a lot of women I've been with, this area is full of nerve endings and you're going to drive her ape-shit. Lick it, kiss it sucking. As you're doing that, you can progressively grab her breast more firmly in your hand. Move over to her opposite breast and do the same thing from the beginning. Remember, you're taking your fucking time during all of this.

    By this point, she should practically be begging you to put her nipples in her mouth. And she's right, it's about time you did that. Start by grazing your lips across them. Then lightly cup a nipple with your lips. Start sucking on them softly, progressively sucking them harder. Nibble a little bit, too, BUT NOT HARD. Breasts are an extremely sensitive area. If done right, you can drive her insane. If not, you could hurt her.

    I don't know how experienced you or your girlfriend are, but as you're doing this, she may beg you to fuck her at some point. NOPE. If your current girlfriend doesn't do it now, because of inexperience, she certainly will later. When she does, or another woman does, do not give in to her requests. You're taking your time.

    Once you've had your fun with her boobies, EVER.SO. FUCKING. SLOWLY, kiss down her stomach. When you get to her belt line, kiss on her stomach along the edge of her skirt/pants. She still has shoes on; it's time to take those off. Start taking her skirt/pants off. As you're pulling these down, kiss on her thighs and on her inner thighs (INNER THIGHS ARE A HUGE EROGENOUS ZONE). Step off the bed, or move back a little bit, to completely take it off. As you're approaching her again, kiss back up her legs working your way back towards her underwear.

    Once you're back in position on all fours, and she's flat on her back, start kissing her bikini line. This is the area on the edge of her panties. Again, very slowly and passionately kiss, suck, lick and nibble on these areas; they're highly sensitive. You can also kiss the outer lips of her vagina over her panties. The outer lips are also a sensitive area, it'll feel good.

    EVER. SO. FUCKING. SLOWLY. take her panties off. As you're doing this, kiss lower and lower as more skin is revealed. Move back, completely take her panties off.

    Remember, you're still clothed here. Mr. Smooth, taking his time and this girl is already dripping wet.

    Assume the position again on all fours, or on your stomach if that's more comfortable, and start kissing on her inner thighs, over her outer lips and on her exposed bikini line. Once you've done that, you're ready to get to work.


    Here is an image of a vagina, labeled, if you haven't seen one: vagina.

    When you are first face to face with a vagina, it's going to look like a fucking jumbled mess and nothing like the photo here. The labia majora (outer lips) is going to mostly conceal everything.

    Think of a clit as the head of your penis. You know how you don't like teeth rubbing on your penis when you're getting a blowjob? It's the same thing with a clit, but get this: a clit has more nerve endings than a penis. You know what that means? IT'S EXTRA FUCKING SENSITIVE.

    So, you need to begin by licking her softly. As in, barely make contact the first few strokes of your tongue. Not only is this necessary, in the beginning, but it's going to make her want more. Then you can begin to push through her outer lips (labia majora) with your tongue, move in to her smaller lips (labia minora), and to her clit. Keep it soft for a while, making soft strokes with your tongue (licking up, slightly pulling your tongue back into your mouth to bring it back to its starting position to lick up again) it's going to feel amazing to her. You do not want to overwhelm her by going too hard in the beginning. I promise you, when she wants it harder, she's going to pull your head closer, or tell you harder.

    You need to know this: while the clit gets all of the praise, it's not the only game in town. The labia minora and labia majora are super fucking sensitive, too. You cannot just keep lick, lick, licking on her clit and expect her to get off. Remember, it's sensitive and there can be such thing as too much. Give her clit a break and pay attention to her lips by licking and sucking on them, and licking them as you're sucking on them. You can also give her clit a break by sucking and biting on the inside part of her thighs.

    One major key to going down on any woman is paying attention to how she responds to what you're doing. Believe me when I say every woman is different. Read her responses, you'll know what works and what doesn't.

    I hit the text limit, read my reply to this comment.

    HalfRetardHalfAmazinMay 4, 2012

    Once you can tell she's ready for harder strokes, make long, broad strokes using most of the surface area of your tongue, and apply more pressure. She's going to feel almost every single bump and groove on your tongue. It's going to feel amazing.

    By this point, it should be okay to suck on her clit. You can do this lightly, but you need to cover your top and bottom teeth with your lips. As you're lightly sucking, open your mouth a little more to make way for your tongue to lick as you're sucking.This, too, is going to be amazing.

    Please, remember that I said her clit may need a break. So play with her lips a little bit and do the same to her inner thighs. Once you do this enough and you know when she's getting close to cumming (she'll tell you, or you'll just know after a while), you can start edging her. Edging is getting your partner almost to the point of cumming and completely stopping what you're doing. THIS WILL DRIVE HER ABSOLUTELY FUCKING INSANE.

    At this point, you can start to give her some g-spot stimulation. Pull your mouth away and lick the middle finger of whichever hand you choose (I feel the middle finger is easiest. If you're using two fingers, middle and ring) and slowly insert it. Now, if you follow the front wall of her vagina (sticking your finger slightly in and up, then back towards you, that's the front wall) up to the "ceiling" you should be able to find her g-spot. Just remember to things very softly down here. It's a sensitive area.

    Side note: you should be able to tell you've hit the g-spot by the moan she lets out, or possible, "Holy shit." If you're unsure as to whether or not you've hit it, ASK. This is the general area the g-spot is found in. It can be in slightly different places on different women.

    You're going to want to lightly stroke this area with a "come here" motion (like you'd motion someone to come here with your index finger). Again, do this lightly. This is a highly sensitive area and too hard can feel like it's too much, or like you're stabbing the inside of her with the eraser end of a pencil. So, again, I stress lightly... like you're brushing up against it. Gradually you can apply more pressure, but not too much. You should also know that this "come here" motion may not work on all women. If it doesn't, she'll let you know.

    Hopefully, she gets to the point of orgasm. When she does, it's okay to apply more pressure with your tongue here. My favorite thing to do on women is sucking their clit (with my teeth covered by my lips) really hard, while licking their clit really hard, rubbing her g-spot and grabbing one of her breasts. This drives most women I've been with insane. Unlike men, a woman's orgasm lasts a lot longer than a guy's. So, keep going, it's not over after two-three seconds. But when she's peaked (you'll just kind of know when that is after a while), you'll need to ease off how much pressure you're applying and basically "come down" from the feeling of the orgasm with her.

    So, once you've got this down, you can work on things like giving her a g-spot orgasm, using just your fingers, then diving in and licking her clit to give her a clitoral orgasm immediately after. Trust me, her clit will thank you itself when you do something like this.

    Just please remember to take your time and have fun. Make her getting off just as much of a priority as you getting off and she will want to fuck you over and over again.

    And you better fucking read all of this because I spent a lot of time writing it out. If you don't, I'll find you and cut your dick off.
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2019
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