I may be the rarest porn addict. I did unhealthy rituals, when my brain found perfect Lesbian porn secenes to fap after searching & downloading tons of porn videos. First i look for plastic cover or balloons, next rubber bands then ritual starts. I wrap plastic cover around my penis, sometimes use balloons and insert penis. then i tight the cover with rubber bands. I tight so hard, my penis should stay numb. wait for the perfect time, Bed time. I took my ear phone and smartphone jump into bed, throw away my pants and rub my penis on my bed. forget the pain caused by rubber band, so much tight even blood spill out. never stops rubbing till i fap. I know it is harmful to my health. but i never stopped, truth is i couldn't stops. I am that much addicted porn and Masturbation. I watched nofap videos, i plan my days, journaling, self-talk, i dive deep into my addiction. I have movies, series and cartoons addiction. I used illegal sites do download which is filled with popup porn ads. my hands and brain are not in my control. l lost my willpower, memory, creativity. I was busy escaping from my responsibilities and problems. I never dare to face. I am a silent guy. l talked a little,only if someone ask something. I never tried to go outside and explore. simply sit inside my home and watch others having sex. I watched child porn man, child porn. what kind of monster i turn into. my brain forced me to have sex with my sister, my little sister. I think i am crying... once i took blade stare on my hands and nerves. struggle for a while not to cut those nerves and ends up my life. a suicide attempt. 10+ years still struggling to recover from my porn addition. I could only make 3 - 7 porn free days after that i lost myself and back to wrapping ritual again. I am tired, even i couldn't hold paper cup my hands shivers . l am so much weak and afraid that my life ends fapping. or i have to ends my life before porn kills me. But i don't want to die. that's why i am here. maybe you guys can help me.