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Ever since I was 17, I have struggled with porn and masturbation. It mostly stemmed from loneliness, not having friends, not having the confidence to meet girls , and growing up in a very broken and dysfunctional family, where the father was not there, and I was not taught the masculine life skills that a father teaches his son.
The addiction originally continued up until I was 28 (summer of 2018), when I finally overcame my urges, and went for a year and a month free of porn and masturbation. Unfortunately, I relapsed, and it was a hard relapse. At the time, I was in a relationship with a woman, and not realizing at the time, the negative energy that she brought to the relationship and me not knowing how to approach her about it without a backlash, it lured me back into PMO in order to numb what I was feeling inside. There was no physical attraction to her, but due to me feeling bad for her at the time, I continued to stay with her, and the relationship lasted until September of 2022. It was an unhappy relationship, and it further made me dive deep into PMO during the time I was with her. I would not be able to get erect just naturally, and needed her to either stroke me to get me erect, or I had to quietly fantasize about what I watched and seen on the internet to get hard and maintain it while being sexual with her.
It reached a point where ordinary pornography could not cut it for me anymore, and I was further lured into cam girls, which really drained my energy, and made me lose a lot of money in the process as well. Eventually, it made me feel extremely low about myself, and I felt like I reached the absolute rock bottom.
Given that all unhappy relationships have an ending, mine was no different. In September of 2022, after just over 3 years of being together, she broke up with me. I was devastated, but after a few days of processing everything and reflecting, I decided that this would be the perfect opportunity to start working on myself, and rid myself of the PMO demon once and for all.
For a whole month afterward, I kept relapsing day after day, but once I reached mid-October, I told myself that I could not continue like this, and basically, the PMO demon had to be surgically extracted out of me one way or another. Since October 16th of 2022, I have not masturbated or gotten aroused by pornography at all. Combined with me returning to fitness, working out on a regular basis, focusing on more important things, and a new job that I started in which I earn a lot more money and now being able to finally save money again and stabilize/repair my financial situation, it has healed me a lot. Being free of PMO for over 90 days, I feel like I have more energy, more driven to accomplish goals, more disciplined, motivated, in addition to becoming a lot more authoritative in the way I speak and interact with others, not putting up with nonsense from others either. In addition, I started talking to a new woman, and being free of PMO and negative energy, and not having her bring any negative energy either, when I was sexual with her just over a month ago, I actually got erect instantly and naturally, without any fantasies or tugging away. I am completely attracted to her, and I managed to maintain the erection for the whole entire time I was having sex with her.
Now that I have pulled off over 90 days without diving into the PMO bottomless pit, I feel like I am on my way to being the lion that God and nature intended for me to be, and not the docile and lethargic sheep that I was before.
The addiction originally continued up until I was 28 (summer of 2018), when I finally overcame my urges, and went for a year and a month free of porn and masturbation. Unfortunately, I relapsed, and it was a hard relapse. At the time, I was in a relationship with a woman, and not realizing at the time, the negative energy that she brought to the relationship and me not knowing how to approach her about it without a backlash, it lured me back into PMO in order to numb what I was feeling inside. There was no physical attraction to her, but due to me feeling bad for her at the time, I continued to stay with her, and the relationship lasted until September of 2022. It was an unhappy relationship, and it further made me dive deep into PMO during the time I was with her. I would not be able to get erect just naturally, and needed her to either stroke me to get me erect, or I had to quietly fantasize about what I watched and seen on the internet to get hard and maintain it while being sexual with her.
It reached a point where ordinary pornography could not cut it for me anymore, and I was further lured into cam girls, which really drained my energy, and made me lose a lot of money in the process as well. Eventually, it made me feel extremely low about myself, and I felt like I reached the absolute rock bottom.
Given that all unhappy relationships have an ending, mine was no different. In September of 2022, after just over 3 years of being together, she broke up with me. I was devastated, but after a few days of processing everything and reflecting, I decided that this would be the perfect opportunity to start working on myself, and rid myself of the PMO demon once and for all.
For a whole month afterward, I kept relapsing day after day, but once I reached mid-October, I told myself that I could not continue like this, and basically, the PMO demon had to be surgically extracted out of me one way or another. Since October 16th of 2022, I have not masturbated or gotten aroused by pornography at all. Combined with me returning to fitness, working out on a regular basis, focusing on more important things, and a new job that I started in which I earn a lot more money and now being able to finally save money again and stabilize/repair my financial situation, it has healed me a lot. Being free of PMO for over 90 days, I feel like I have more energy, more driven to accomplish goals, more disciplined, motivated, in addition to becoming a lot more authoritative in the way I speak and interact with others, not putting up with nonsense from others either. In addition, I started talking to a new woman, and being free of PMO and negative energy, and not having her bring any negative energy either, when I was sexual with her just over a month ago, I actually got erect instantly and naturally, without any fantasies or tugging away. I am completely attracted to her, and I managed to maintain the erection for the whole entire time I was having sex with her.
Now that I have pulled off over 90 days without diving into the PMO bottomless pit, I feel like I am on my way to being the lion that God and nature intended for me to be, and not the docile and lethargic sheep that I was before.
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