UPDATE: 550 days free

Free For Real said:
I want to there. With momentum under me. To take quitting masturbation and porn more seriously I have returned to this forum.

I have 1 question, what are your ways to deal with stress, tiredness and exhaustion?
Click to expand...

That’s a really good question and I don’t want to seem like I’m chickening out of it but I genuinely believe that it’s about you personally finding you own methods. Finding the (healthy) things you enjoy the most - for example, I’ve always enjoyed cooking and baking so I’ve recently made an effort to do a lot more of it. I find that eating something I have made myself ultimately gives me a lot more personal satisfaction and pride. I also made a very important decision to put my phone to one side throughout most of the day and only use it when absolutely necessary. I don’t miss it most of the time. I deleted all non-essential social media apps as well. Finally, for me, I am incredibly lucky to be married to an amazingly patient and wonderful woman who I know I can share anything with. Without her support I wouldn’t be here at all.

I wish you all the best with your personal efforts and give me an update on how you are doing - we are all in this together!
 
Warren of fleabags said:
Today I hit the one year mark.

I’ve written about it in my other journal here on the site but I am, in that weird way, proud of my achievements. Achievements I shouldn’t be proud of because I shouldn’t have had to deal with it in the first place but tell that to past me. Past me was an idiot.

Here’s to life.
Click to expand...
Congratulations! One year is a great achievement. Can you please give some details about your recovery? What are the symptoms that you currently have? How have symptoms changed through the course of 1 yrs? What about your libido, has it returned, if yes, when did it return for you?
 
Steelflex said:
Congratulations! One year is a great achievement. Can you please give some details about your recovery? What are the symptoms that you currently have? How have symptoms changed through the course of 1 yrs? What about your libido, has it returned, if yes, when did it return for you?
Click to expand...

Thank you.

I have had to be very strict with myself in various situations. For example, a massive issue I realised was my screen time. So now when I am at home the phone goes to the side and is only used when needed. I also no longer have it next to me at night time - it is at the other end of the room away from me if I wake up before the alarm - these situations were part of the problem. I don’t have any particular cravings for P or M, though my libido seems to still be as high as it was beforehand. The thing I think I have really realised is that this is truly an ongoing battle. It will not end. I must be constantly vigilant.
 
Warren of fleabags said:
Thank you.

I have had to be very strict with myself in various situations. For example, a massive issue I realised was my screen time. So now when I am at home the phone goes to the side and is only used when needed. I also no longer have it next to me at night time - it is at the other end of the room away from me if I wake up before the alarm - these situations were part of the problem. I don’t have any particular cravings for P or M, though my libido seems to still be as high as it was beforehand. The thing I think I have really realised is that this is truly an ongoing battle. It will not end. I must be constantly vigilant.
Click to expand...
Damm it must be annoying as hell to wake up to an alarm that's on the other side of the room, hope you didn't stub your toe, trying to turn it off, half asleep! But ya keeping your phone away is good measure.

Also, through this one year, did your libido disappear and then came back again? As in during the flatline, that is if you experienced one? If yes how long did the flatline last?
There are other symptoms that are associated with no libido like numbness of your manhood, it feeling disconnected and becoming de-sensetised, did you experience any of this?
 
Warren of fleabags said:
Just a quick post on here to celebrate day 90 of my recovery.

It hasn’t been easy but it hasn’t been as difficult as I thought it would be. A number of things have helped:

1. Complete honesty with my wife. I am still working on this.

2. Reduced screen time - my phone is out of my reach a lot of the day.

3. Counselling sessions

4. Support group meetings

5. Taking each day one day at a time.

6. Journaling and focussing on things I am grateful for.

7. The support of my wife has been essential.

If I can achieve this, so can anyone. But I also know that I have been here before. This time needs to be different -this time will be different.
Click to expand...
congratulations! its stories like these that serve as a beacon of hope!!! Thank you for the tips and making this post.
 
Warren of fleabags said:
Thank you.

I have had to be very strict with myself in various situations. For example, a massive issue I realised was my screen time. So now when I am at home the phone goes to the side and is only used when needed. I also no longer have it next to me at night time - it is at the other end of the room away from me if I wake up before the alarm - these situations were part of the problem. I don’t have any particular cravings for P or M, though my libido seems to still be as high as it was beforehand. The thing I think I have really realised is that this is truly an ongoing battle. It will not end. I must be constantly vigilant.
Click to expand...
Congratulations on your remarkable, ongoing achievement. Being married myself, I am wondering how having regular “O’s” through intercourse with my wife might set me back from achieving some of the positive benefits of giving up PMO. I’m hearing these testimonials from people who have successfully abstained from PMO and have reported increases in energy, well-being, confidence, less anxiety, etc. So I am wondering if one can achieve the same benefits by giving up the P and the M, but still experiencing the O on a somewhat regular basis with their partner. Intuition would tell me that experiencing “O” through daily intercourse is excessive, and would not result in increases in energy, motivation, confidence, well-being, etc., that I hear about from others who are abstaining from O as well. For people with partners, I wonder if there is a rule of thumb for intercourse frequency. Say, no more than once per week? Once per month?
 
Warren of fleabags said:
Just a quick post on here to celebrate day 90 of my recovery.

It hasn’t been easy but it hasn’t been as difficult as I thought it would be. A number of things have helped:

1. Complete honesty with my wife. I am still working on this.

2. Reduced screen time - my phone is out of my reach a lot of the day.

3. Counselling sessions

4. Support group meetings

5. Taking each day one day at a time.

6. Journaling and focussing on things I am grateful for.

7. The support of my wife has been essential.

If I can achieve this, so can anyone. But I also know that I have been here before. This time needs to be different -this time will be different.
Click to expand...
Congratulations. Keep it up!!
 
AllWright said:
Congratulations on your remarkable, ongoing achievement. Being married myself, I am wondering how having regular “O’s” through intercourse with my wife might set me back from achieving some of the positive benefits of giving up PMO. I’m hearing these testimonials from people who have successfully abstained from PMO and have reported increases in energy, well-being, confidence, less anxiety, etc. So I am wondering if one can achieve the same benefits by giving up the P and the M, but still experiencing the O on a somewhat regular basis with their partner. Intuition would tell me that experiencing “O” through daily intercourse is excessive, and would not result in increases in energy, motivation, confidence, well-being, etc., that I hear about from others who are abstaining from O as well. For people with partners, I wonder if there is a rule of thumb for intercourse frequency. Say, no more than once per week? Once per month?
Click to expand...

So I made the decision just to give up PM because I wanted the O to be fully concentrated around my marriage and intimacy with my wife. I wouldn’t be able to give you a quota for the times - my wife suffers from a condition known commonly as ME and it depends on her energy levels whether we are able to be intimate. This means that when we are it is even more significant and in my eyes special. O should never be just about me, not in a loving relationship - it should always be for the two of us.
 
Warren of fleabags said:
So I made the decision just to give up PM because I wanted the O to be fully concentrated around my marriage and intimacy with my wife. I wouldn’t be able to give you a quota for the times - my wife suffers from a condition known commonly as ME and it depends on her energy levels whether we are able to be intimate. This means that when we are it is even more significant and in my eyes special. O should never be just about me, not in a loving relationship - it should always be for the two of us.
Click to expand...

“O should never be just about me, not in a loving relationship.” Great advice, which should also be extrapolated to how allowing oneself to fall victim to a PM(O) addiction is not just about hurting ourselves, but also the others around us. At the very least, with a PM(O) compulsion, we are not showing up in our friendships and relationships as the best versions of ourselves.

Thank you for your response. Keep up the good work, and I hope your wife finds relief for her condition.
 
AllWright said:
“O should never be just about me, not in a loving relationship.” Great advice, which should also be extrapolated to how allowing oneself to fall victim to a PM(O) addiction is not just about hurting ourselves, but also the others around us. At the very least, with a PM(O) compulsion, we are not showing up in our friendships and relationships as the best versions of ourselves.

Thank you for your response. Keep up the good work, and I hope your wife finds relief for her condition.
Click to expand...

Absolutely agree - and thank you for your best wishes for me and my wife.
 
People can laugh all they want but I believe cold showers are a big factor in getting into the right headspace to feel masculine and motivated in killing PMO addiction.
 
Last edited:
Seahorsesareweird said:
What do you do when you hear that " devilish" voice that says just do it 1 more time or this is too hard just come back?
Click to expand...

That’s a really good question because that voice is a b***ard who switches tact when you are strong enough to ignore it. It plays on other insecurities that you have (for me it’s financial ones) because it’s starved of attention.

The only way I have been able to take control of it is through reflection. When you hear it, you have to think back to the reasons why you want to stop in the first place. Then consider the long term harm it will do to you, your self esteem and if relevant the loved ones around you. I want to live a life where I’m not afraid of hurting my wife with lies and secrets. I want to live a fuller, happier life. The damage could be irreversible if it goes on. The voice is just a voice - you are the one ultimately who acts on it. The voice isn’t moving your hands for you as you type - the voice isn’t making you look at things you shouldn’t. It’s just a voice and it will shut up eventually.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top