Urge to seduce every woman that notices me

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by maximusthegreat, Oct 11, 2019.

  1. maximusthegreat

    maximusthegreat Fapstronaut

    Hello brothers,
    this is my first post here. I am soon to be 23 yo guy that had some nasty porn and fetishes past as many of you. I have heard about the idea of nofap some 2-3 years ago and bought into it quite quickly, not with all my will though - say I was masturbating 2-3 times a week on average (every time I came home from uni for weekend, I was as a clockwork machine - saw the tablet on the table aand i got aroused).
    It was year ago I decided to really hit it hard and stop watching porn for good because of the fact that I realized was am objectifying women everywhere I went and my gf started to notice and obviously it was hurting her. Now me and my gf been together for around 2 and half year. So it was a year ago when I started realizing how I spoiled our relationship with my porn addiction and other things related to that.
    So I can tell that I have successfully stopped jerking off - whether on porn or on fantasies/pics, removed instagram etc. What I really struggle with is the checking out other girls and creating those fantasies. Well, to be accurate I managed to reduce it and train myself to lower my gaze or look somewhere else when I notice a girl but the problem is that I feel this really big urge to seduce a woman that notices me. I feel as it is my duty. I dont understand why. I‘ve never cheated on my girlfriend and I don't want to but I feel as a looser when I don’t “play the opportunity”.
    I think it may be useful to mention that until my 20s I was really struggling with women and sex. I couldn’t get laid - first time it was with the girl i didn’t really liked and i kind of lowered myself to that, then i slept with four hookers (not at once lol). I have always fighted with my opinon on myself that I am not masculine enough and I cannot attract women I regard as beautiful (more like goddesses tba). Then, in my 20s I got into some self help psychology stuff, results from working out came and my perspective on me and women around changed. Immediately I felt I can flirt with any woman without worrying about the outcome. It was really fun and egoboost. I did that for some time but as if gods wanted to give me a lecture I started something with the girl I had known for some time then. Very pretty girl, worked out and also the good relationship material. I was sometimes lusting for her. She had a boyfriend who I knew but he was neglecting her and of course I did not have any boundaries then so I acted. It worked. Now, this girl is my gf. I have fallen in love with her very quickly. It is my first real love. It was like a one bright ray in my dark existence of loneliness, loveless sex and pickups. The honeymoon period ended, however, and I started noticing other women again. Due to that I was kind of neglecting her as well, she put on some weight and got into depression. So now I am with a girl that I am not physically attracted to so much anymore but I still want to make things right. Over the relationship I became less ignorant and now I believe we belong together a can have nice future where she will be in the center of my attention.

    I know my post could be shorter but i want to share my experience lively. Now my guess is that I am still living my vow I’ve made to myself that no woman is unattainable to me. I know this sounds cocky and I admit that I became cocky at that time but the truth is somewhere deep down I am still living this value. I guess i still don’t love myself unconditionally. I would be glad if you share your perspective on this or maybe an similar experience so I can get some inspiration what direction to go to sort out my issue.
    Thanks and sorry for long (maybe boring) reading.
    Wish you all great progress in your lives!
    420 mile high likes this.
  2. I dont think youre the only one having those thoughts.

    I have a fiancee that I love so much, I am 24 and we have been together for 5 years.
    Still, I got so far down the PMO spiral that I found myself chatting with random anonymous girls on a fetish site.
    I managed to stop and even told her about it, that was a year ago or something like that and today we are very happy that I managed to stop and that I was so honest.
    The chats were just like porn to me.
    I would NEVER touch another girl IRL or even chat with strangers like that again, but of course I notice good looking ones, just like you :)

    Just like you I was/am young (was 22-23 at the time) and full of testosterone I suppose, it was just like I let impulses control me, but not anymore!

    The important thing here is that you are aware of your ”intrusive” thoughts, realising that you dont want to be ”that guy” - wich is a sign of progress if you ask me :)
  3. I have this issue to an extent as well; the whole feeling of EVERY woman I see having to be "in to me", or else. I think it's part of our old PMO-inclined wiring.

    Think back to when we PMO'd regularly: we would see dozens, maybe even hundreds of women a night/morning/whenever and ALL of them would be ALL over us. We were the ultimate alpha, or so we thought until the deed was done and the screen turned off.

    Now that we've turned that screen off permanently and are actually living our lives, we have to come to terms with the crushing fact that not every woman we see wants to fuck us. We have to come to terms with the fact that yes, they're people like us with their own opinions on other people, just like we do about them. Even the cute ones. Most people came to this realisation in their early teens, and adapted accordingly. But we came in a very different manner (wink wink), and we have to pick up that slack now. And it kinda sucks.

    No longer are we king alpha, fucking and wanking our way to "victory" - as a matter of fact when we start off this journey most of us are closer to the very bottom. But we can reprogram this part of ourselves just like every other part with time. Good luck friendo.
    marr708 likes this.
  4. maximusthegreat

    maximusthegreat Fapstronaut

    I must tell that I felt as anything but aplha the moment I came in front of pc screen. And when I went out I could literary feel how much I repelled women. It was only when I got the confidence from working out and some self help stuff that changed my point of view on the situation. However, you are right that at that time of confidence gain I was still using porn as a booster in a sense that “this will be me today when I pick up that girl”.

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