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Urgent help needed! Please help.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Dying4change, Oct 5, 2016.

  1. Dying4change

    Dying4change Fapstronaut

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    It's been too long. I've tried so hard nothing works. Nothing. I've tried every programme. But these last few months my addiction is so much worse. I was able to go a week or 2 with no pmo now I can't go 2 days. I've given up. I am contemplating suicide. Seriously. I don't wanna live this miserable fake life. I have no one to tell besides this community. I need someone to help because I don't know what to do. I'm living a fake life. I pretend to be happy yet I'm not.
     
  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    STOP! YOU'RE LIFE IS WORTH LIVING! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!
    This can be overcome and I will help you as much as I can, we, in the group will help you as much as we can!!!
    You are worth something, you are worth living. Do not ever stop believing that!
     
    Xwin likes this.
  3. Dying4change

    Dying4change Fapstronaut

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    Lemme ask you a question. I wake the next morning and I feel digested with myself so I decide to stay in bed and when I have to get up Im miserable. I hate being awake and look forward to the night. I don't wanna see my family because I'm disgusted with myself. What to do?
     
  4. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    You slowly begin to change the things you don't like about yourself. If you don't have a faith, begin to pray anyway. Even if you don't believe in God, begin to talk to Him.

    When you don't feel like getting out of bed, get up anyway. I've dealt with depression more than once and I understand the feeling alone. It is vital to let someone know what you are feeling, what you are going through. Please understand, it's a process to stop PMO and to break free from the chains is depression.
    If you don't feel comfortable talking to a friend or family member, create a journal and talk to us! We won't judge you. We will encourage and support you.
    I know firsthand that depression loves darkness and solitude. It grows fastest when those factors are there. What you feed will grow and what you starve will eventually die.
    With that said, let's begin to change some things. As much as you don't want to, open doors, open windows during the day and let light in. At night, turn lights on and only allow yourself to be in darkness for the purposes of sleep. Be around others as much as possible, I know you don't want to but do it anyway. You are disgusted with yourself, they aren't disgusted with you. They may not even know why your feel the way you do. Depression will tell you that everyone will be upset with you if they knew the truth. How you know that? How do you know that you don't have a family member or friend dealing with PMO just as you are?
    We often set up goals to accomplish things by ourselves and become more and more upset with ourselves when we don't accomplish them but the reality is the goal was never meant to be accomplished by ourselves. PMO is something that is best defeated with help from others. Depression is best defeated with help from others.
    You can win and be successful but you'll have to change how your approach and we'll support you as much as we can.
    It is important that you doubt your doubts. What I mean by that is when you feel that life is not worth living, question yourself. Ask questions like these:"Why do I feel this way?" "Is life not worth living or am I just very disappointed that I haven't succeeded in a goal that I had?" "Am I the only person who has felt this way before?" "Am I the only person struggling? If I'm not, how have others gotten through their struggles and disappointments?Let me find out first before I judge myself to harshly".

    Doubt your doubts and seek solutions. It took time to develop PMO, it will take time to win this war against it.

    I don't know you but I know you want more out of life than you have now. I know that you can get through this. I know that even with many failures, a success will occur. If you don't believe it, I don't care, I will believe it for you!
    What I need for you to do is to continue to try. I'm not giving up on you, I'm to stubborned to do that. The choice I cannot make is for you to continue forward. That choice is yours. I've said a lot of stuff and if you've read all of it, if you've read this far, that tells me you want to try as well.

    An accountability partner will be helpful for you. I don't know what country are in, what time zone you are in but if you feel as though you cannot turn to anyone for support, you can lean on me until you are strong enough to begin to walk with someone else. If not me, I would suggest going to the accountability partner section and asking for one there.

    In the meantime, talk to me. Tell me what has gotten you to this point. You are not alone, your life is worth living.

    I'll be praying for you, whether you believe in prayer or not.
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2016
  5. solsticeboy

    solsticeboy Fapstronaut

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    I couldn't agree any more to this person's positive and uplifiting response. I won't go into too much detail right now but for starters, just consider this:

    1. You're not weak-you're maybe a bit undisciplined but it happens to the best of us and it doesn't define you. You're actually stronger emotionally and mentally for opening up to online strangers for help.

    2. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and you don't actually want to die. You just want your problem to go away and improve yourself. That is completely factual. You need to promise yourself and us that any serious inclination and you'll call a crisis line or see a crisis website immediately-okay?

    Here's a link in case: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

    3. Invest in some journalling, a book on CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), look into the facebook pages filled with motivational and uplifting images/messages (yes, facebook is useful for many-surprise!), find the "little things" (they're actually the BIG things) that give you comfort, positivity and hope. Hold on to them beyond your struggle, success and conquest of your soul. I think this piece of music by Vaughan Williams is an example of what I'm talking about:

    4. Count the small victories. They may seem like almost nothing but they are important. When they add up-they make the big victories inevitable.

    5. Lifehack has some great articles for self-esteem, motivational support and management of emtional/mental well-being in times of crisis (among other things): Invest in the time to read and you'll be more comforted. http://www.lifehack.org/

    6. Eat well. Get enough sleep. Exercise (jog, hiking, biking...anything to get the heart rate up, endorphins going and sweat bullets flowing).

    7. Create a playlist of inspiring music for the tough times...I find film soundtracks work well for this (thank Thomas Newman for feels in The Shawshank Redemption and Hans Zimmer-anything of his, really, but I find the main theme to The Dark Knight Trilogy works , Gordon Lightfoot, Billy Joel, Of Monsters & Men, David Bowie and the Stones/Beatles usually have some good stuff

    That's all I can say for now but I will be following this thread-take care. Have Faith. Keep going. Look for the positive. Talk to people. Remember-in the end, only YOU are judging yourself with any merit.

    Keep, shinin' ;)
     
    mynameisjeff and D . J . like this.
  6. The biggest mistake people make when trying to get rid of a bad habit is, that they don't replace it with another habit, a positive one. Stopping PMO will leave a void and you won't be able to resist it if you don't fill it with something else.
    Sexual energy is the energy to create something. You either create a baby with a woman by having sex or you create something else.
    You must create something. You must put this energy into something. Otherwise it will haunt you. Sexual energy is the strongest energy we have and if we don't know how to control it, it has the ability to destroy us.
    Don't give up man. You're not at the end. You're simply in a moment where you don't know what to do. But you did the first step in the right direction: you asked for help.
    And I will give you a viable advice that has the ability to change your life if you're willing to do that. Like I said before you have to do something. You have to build something. And if you're stuck right now and don't know what to build, here is the most basic thing you can build: your body.
    Seriously. Start working out.
    Don't do it for the muscles.
    Don't do it for any woman.
    Don't do it for a goal like getting a sixpack or lifting a certain weight.
    Do it for yourself.
    Do it for your sanity.
    The number one reason why a man should work out is because he has muscles. Just simply because you have muscles means that you have to use them.
    If you don't work out your muscles your body is going to degenerate.
    If you disinfect your environment with anti germ spray and don't work out your immune system, your immune system is going to degenerate.
    Everything is going to degenerate when it's not in use. That's a basic law of nature and evolution.
    Why do things degenerate?
    Because of the comfort zone.
    And porn is the same. You don't have to work to get the woman. Just a few clicks. How comfortable porn is, huh? What a blessing this comfort is one might think at first. But it's fake. Nothing real comes out of the comfort zone.

    It's comfortable to have a credit card and spend money you don't have. But it will drive you into debt.
    Comfort leads to misery. Always.
    That doesn't only apply to individuals but to entire civilizations. For example the romans were too comfortable and became decadent in the end and then the roman empire collapsed.

    Sexual energy is life energy, which means in the long run your life is going to degenerate if you use it in a comfortable way. Use it in an uncomfortable way. Getting up and working out isn't comfortable.
    A man is obligated at a core biological level to build something. To have a mission.
    You can't fight nature.

    Our modern lifestyle is too comfortable.
    People used to fight for survival - against other tribes or wild animals - not anymore.
    People used to work for their food on the farm - not anymore.
    Comfort leads to degeneration. Degeneration leads to disease (physical and mental).
    You are too comfortable.

    Comfort leads to misery.
    Struggle leads to peace.
    There will be the day when you're addicted to struggle. To you it won't seem like struggle anymore. You will experience it as flow.

    Objects in motion stay in motion.
    But the beginning is hard.

    You need to get out and take your life in your own hands.
    But don't overdo it in the beginning. Focus on one simple thing.
    Don't do something competitive because if you fail it could destroy your little confidence.
    Do something that is doable and that you have control over.
    That's why I recommend working out.
    It's only you and the weights. And you decide how much weight. You decide how strong your enemy is. First you start with low weights which is like a weak enemy. Then you beat this enemy and go to higher weights the next time, and so on.

    Working out will also raise your testosterone.
    Testosterone isn't simply a hormone that makes men become aggressive, which is what most people think.
    Basically it is a feel good hormone for men.
    Low testosterone leads to depression.
    Low testosterone is linked to prostate cancer.
    Low testosterone makes you whiny and undesirable.

    Just the simple fact that you're putting your energy into something will give you a positive outlook.
    Go to the gym and work out your body.
    On top of that you will feel exausted by the workout and won't have the energy to fap because at the end of the day you will fall into sleep from exhaustion, but it will be positive exhaustion. You will be glad that you have put the energy into it.
    And the next day you will continue.
    You can't pretend to be happy. You have to create something to actually be proud of.
    Working out is so much more than building muscles.
    It is a therapy.

    I just moved to another place and haven't worked out and relapsed. My fault. But I will get a gym membership here and get back on track.
    And getting better will give you confidence to set new goals.

    One step after the other.

    And in a few years you will look back at what you've accomplished.

    Every great man goes through hard times. This is your hard time. But you have the ability to become a great man. Everyone does.
     
  7. Dying4change

    Dying4change Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot that was very helpful. I'm gonna start now. For sure.
     
    Gautama, Xwin and AndySky180 like this.
  8. This link has also been posted recently in another thread and I want to share it with you. Take 10 minutes and read it. Seriously.

    http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/

    Essentially it talks about that you have to do something or otherwise you're going to feel bad. This can go so far that you will hate your life and yourself if you don't create something.

    But remember that the beginning will be tough. Because our brain is designed to keep the status quo. If your status quo is being lonely and feeling shitty your brain actually "wants" to stay lonely and feel shitty. It's not that the brain really wants the bad stuff, it just wants the status quo. And because the bad stuff happens to be your status quo, your brain "wants" the bad stuff. And because the good stuff is outside of the status quo the brain doesn't want it.

    The beginning is the hardest, but remember:

    Objects in motion stay in motion.

    Ever wondered why women who come from abusive families choose to be with abusive guys? Because it's their status quo. Of course they don't want it from a rational perspective, the same way you don't want to live a life ruled by PMO. But it's what they're used to and their brain will do everything to stay in that state.

    When you drop a bad habit and REPLACE it with a good habit, this new habit will be your status quo.
     
    Dying4change likes this.
  9. Dying4change

    Dying4change Fapstronaut

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    That's logical and I'm gonna read it for sure. Thanks a lot dude
     
    AndySky180 likes this.
  10. AndySky180

    AndySky180 Fapstronaut

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    Hello there, from this very crazy aussie! Mate, don't ever give up!! I like the stuff people wrote above, and I also like your new determination of your replies. Every one of us gets overwhelmed at some point, and we just do not know how we are going to cope! Ending-it-all takes on a horrible logic, although it's also the ultimate illogical act, because "the problem" never gets addressed or solved.

    Mate, I bet if I sat down with you for half-an-hour, I could feedback to you about a dozen great things about you. They wouldn't be silly things either. What do I know about you already? 1. You care deeply about things. How do I know that? Because you wouldn't be writing stuff here if you didn't! 2. You nurture hope in your life in a very big way. I know this because something has been dashed and broken for you, that you can feel its pain and loss. 3. You are a person of integrity. The fact that you struggle with a "fake life" is a pretty strong indicator that integrity is important to you, that you know its meaning, and that you long to experience it more deeply. Mate, I'm a former Aussie soldier and retired officer, 55, and have only just come to terms with same-sex attraction and quietly letting people know ---- I know what a "fake life" feels like. Not saying this is your issue at all, but when we live a hidden life, it can be so painful and lonely. But we also have a sense of what life could be like for us. 4. You are someone who is very respectful and kind towards your family and friends. How did I get that? Because you "appear to be happy", and that appearance is meant to nurture the people who are important to you, and for whom you are important. 5. You have strength of character. Detected when you said you could go for a couple of weeks at a time without PMO. That speaks of conscientiousness and determination, and you have those things very much alive inside you. There could be a million different reasons why it's all crashing a bit now, so do not be too hard on yourself!!!

    I could go on and on, but I want to say to you that you are a man with a very big heart, because that heart cried out in trust and with courage!

    Be very, very gentle on yourself. If there are ever tears, let them come, because their job is to help flush all the crap out.

    I am doing hard-mode right now, and guess what? It's incredibly difficult!!! So do not be too down on yourself, and never ever give up!

    My real hope is that good things happen for you that will afford you new strength, and new vitality, and above all, a new peace. If anything bad ever happened to you, I am willing to bet that LOTS of people would be devastated and upset and heartbroken!

    "You are a child of the Universe. You have a right to be here."

    Be brave, my brother.
    Your new mate,
    Andy. x x
     
  11. Dying4change

    Dying4change Fapstronaut

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    Wooow. That completely just made my day. I didn't think of it that way. And yeah you're definitely right in the sense that it's gonna be difficult but I'm trying not to fight with just will power but to fight smart. So when I'm most vulnerable I do something else. I watch a TV series and get in a good mood. Just try hard in the times I'm weak. Thanks a lot for your message. I can't tell you how good it felt to read that! You're a great guy.
     
  12. Pursuit__Of__Happiness

    Pursuit__Of__Happiness Fapstronaut

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    Gosh, every time I go through the comments, I am in awe. Literally, wow!... how could you people write so brilliantly? Each time I read, it gives me a fresh perspective on life. Simply beautiful.
    Hey, you brother out there, I can understand what you are going through. Sometimes, it seems there is no way. But, it's important to see beyond our myopic eyesight, so that we can appreciate this beautiful and precious life. Remember brother, no matter how dark the clouds may seem, they aren't the sky, even though, they may cover the whole sky. They are just the clouds. They come and they go, always. So, just have the faith,"This too shall pass". Peace. Best wishes.
     
    D . J . and AndySky180 like this.

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