Urges Will NEVER Go Away

I think the thing about "urges", is that it would be helpful, and help ensure our "porn-free" success, for us to view them differently.

Firstly, can we all agree that urges are never going to go away? Whether you are 9 years old or 90, they are here to stay.

Secondly, I don't think we should be looking at urges as a bad thing. The physical attraction toward another woman, and desire to want to engage with her beauty is hard-wired into our DNA. We cannot change that. But why would we want to?

Strength and attraction to beauty are core elements of what make us men. Those are good things. But like all good things, there is a balance, and how we respond to our desire will determine if it is healthy or not.

If we are constantly associating our urges with being "bad", or just merely "temptations", then that is going to set us up to look at porn, because we are associating ourselves with being "bad." Also, the principle that; "What you focus on is what you become, or what you do" is a very real and time tested reality. If we allow ourselves to be thinking constantly about how to not look at porn, lust after women, avoid temptation, etc. Then those are the things we will gravitate toward.

Constantly thinking about not looking at porn will attract you toward looking at porn!
And yes, it is important to have clearly written goals, and clearly written reasons why we are abstaining from porn. And the reminder of consequences that we have endured with porn in our lives.

And yet, I believe that we should have our focus fixed on the "good". The good about the character of who we are, who we are working hard to become, and the future goals we are striving to achieve. "What you behold is what you become."- As the old proverb says.

When I look at a girl in real life who is a hottie, I make it a point to admire and appreciate her beauty, which means taking time to look at her. After that, I can typically look away with no problem. I acknowledge her beauty, and my healthy need to engage it. It's when I turn her beauty into something viewed as "sinful" or "wrong" that there is a problem. It's when I overstep my healthy need and choose to objectify her that it can also create a problem.