Urges with a hard, destructive behaviour

J

Jegaar.11

New Fapstronaut
First of all, thank you for reading til the end and advising me... I know it's long, but I really need help

Ok so... here's the deal:

I am 22 and I am a virgin. I've been fantasising about my first time for a lot of years, furthermore, I've got a very hard foot-fetish, which is a part of me since I was born, I guess. I think i always back-up because of the size of my Penis, which looks to me to be way too small. I've had very engaging relationships with women, I've loved them, they have loved me... however, I have had just once a romantic relationship. I've kissed a girl just once and that was almost 6 years ago (!!!) (Not that I have never got any other chances to it)

I am a newcomer into Nofap, I have a streak of 7 days until now, with just one relapse of my previous streak with 5 days. I need sort of help with a problem, which is somehow frightening to me: back then I used to take pictures of women's feet, women I knew and women i did not know, to which I would regularly masturbate and fantasise (Until last week) I have decided to erase almost all pictures and all of the porn that I used to have, because I kind of got way too attached to them. They did me no good. However, today and yesterday, I chatted with a girl I've been fantasising for years and she agreed to go out with me next tuesday... I still have her Foot-Pics... and I touched myself to the point where I was rock-hard, but it was not enough for me to cum, I could stop. Should I delete the photos? If I watch Feet-Pics does it count as a relapse? Is it porn to me, because it gets me arroused? Did I relapse by touching myself to her pics, even though I did not cum?

I asked her out, because I like her a lot, let me tell you she is not the prettiest, but she somehow got me all mad about her in a good way. I think I want to be with her for real, sincerely. If it comes, also sexually, but mainly romantically and spiritually. Something inside of me grew in this seven days, some kind of confidence and I feel very confused and constantly aroused. But I also feel kind of great, "normal" and also strong and decisive from time to time. I do not want to quit my streak, but I want to quit this behaviour, I want to stop seeing a woman through her feet and just imagining how awesome it would be to sleep with her... I want to create boundaries between me and women and when the time comes for me to lose my virginity, I want to be prepared... I am giving myself a second chance and it is slowly working, but it is by far not enough. Advices of any Kind would be very appreciated....
 
So you are turned on by feet and think that you’ve always been that way? That’s not a bad thing. You might find yourself with a gf who really appreciates the attention you give to her feet, a part of our bodies that usually gets too little attention but . . .
make sure that you are paying more attention to her than her feet! You like her for who she is, you said so.

Did she let you take pictures of her feet? Does she know that you have them?

Either way, I would suggest getting rid of the photos. Masturbating to pictures of feet is only going to mess you up in the long run. It’s porn. By that I mean that for you it is porn. Let yourself be turned on when you see sexy feet, but do not create a stash of foot porn so that you can get off on demand.

More important stay away from internet porn of all types. And no, I would not call what you did a relapse. What’s most important is that you stopped the behavior and realized that it doesn’t really feel right for you.
 
+TenPercent said:
So you are turned on by feet and think that you’ve always been that way? That’s not a bad thing. You might find yourself with a gf who really appreciates the attention you give to her feet, a part of our bodies that usually gets too little attention but . . .
make sure that you are paying more attention to her than her feet! You like her for who she is, you said so.

Did she let you take pictures of her feet? Does she know that you have them?

Either way, I would suggest getting rid of the photos. Masturbating to pictures of feet is only going to mess you up in the long run. It’s porn. By that I mean that for you it is porn. Let yourself be turned on when you see sexy feet, but do not create a stash of foot porn so that you can get off on demand.

More important stay away from internet porn of all types. And no, I would not call what you did a relapse. What’s most important is that you stopped the behavior and realized that it doesn’t really feel right for you.
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Thank you so much for your reply! It made me feel not as weird as I thought I was. I have decided to delete all of those pics, it was hard, because I have been holding on them for over 5 years. It was really hard, but I think it is part of my recovery. I am addicted and I need to move forward.

Stay safe and healthy
 
I don’t have a foot fetish but I did have a collection of Facebook photos of girls I know so very similar, Iv got rid of all of them and deleted my porn accounts and put a block on sites i use to use on all my devices, Iv relapsed 3/4 times before taking these steps while you know you still have the photos the temptation will always be there, the fact your trying goes a long way, I wish you the best of luck
 
Don't worry about relapsing.
My first 30 days on hardmode i was constantly thinking about sex and women.
Now after more than 140 days i feel so peaceful and it total control.
I think you need to reboot before you go on any date.
Believe me when i tell you that the girls u like now , you won't necessarily like after the reboot.
U are still relying on m and p as an escape from your strong emotions.
You need to change that . It takes time but it is possible.
 
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