Utterly lost, suicide thoughts

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by greenishmoon, May 22, 2021.

  1. CAKCy

    CAKCy Fapstronaut

    benzos is short for benzodiazepines.

    You have to stop your mind from spiraling. You can try doing it with relaxing techniques (meditation, breathing exercises, repeating a mantra to yourself etc.) or with medicines. You can also rant here. Let steam out. Even if what you say is incoherent. Reading back your thoughts may help you relax. (PM me if you want to rant in private) I chose the medicines way because I was too impatient for anything else...

    I'm really glad you are doing better. If you can manage to control your emotions without medicines you are doing yourself a favor.

    It is more than alright to just sit and enjoy little petty stuff in life. For a while. You need the rest. And then off you go for your next goal, your next aspiration. You will kill yourself trying to conquer the universe in one step AND overnight!!!
    Kung_fu_panda_ likes this.
  2. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    Hi pals. I've been experiencing a week and a half of total depression including some episodes. I believe it has to do with when I masturbate because I noticed the last two times that It did helped with my body anxiety but then my mind and humour spiraled out of control. So there's something to avoid more clearly, psychologically or physically it is doing something.

    I keep swimming, though my motivation to do so and swim has decreased, since I think that I will go and don't enjoy it but keep overthinking.

    I didn't start taking medication, since I got better at my ratchets and everything seemed dark but into the control zone.

    I also experienced a week when I felt pretty better. I started thinking more positively, I had a good night of sleep, and watched The Big Lebowski for half an hour really getting into the movie with total attention and a REALLY good mood, withouth my head thinking. I also drew a page of my comic that felt REALLY good and I stayed proud from it.

    I also went out of some friends whatsapp group and I think I should stay away the most I can from online interactions.
    Nugget9 likes this.
  3. Nugget9

    Nugget9 Fapstronaut

  4. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    Yeah most of the times I cant even get into it and enjoy it. I am also planning to move from my parent-s home. I am so sick.
    Nugget9 likes this.
  5. I don't know if my experience applies to you or not, but
    I notice that I am prone to depression, anxiety or feelings of suicide
    when I am inside my place.

    I work at home, so there is many a day when I don't "have" to leave.

    But I do it anyway, I make myself leave for 1-2 hours a day.

    What I believe about this is that when someone is inside or alone,
    they get too in their head, in a bad way.

    Most of these problems are bourne out of skepticism or alienation.

    And they can't be solved. Because they get trapped in the brain and emotions.

    But you can manage these things to the point where they stop affecting you.

    A few things that helped me are leaving every day, trying to focus on other people,
    even when you can't help them (like here), you already have good fitness,
    and this one is the hardest,

    but you have to, at some point, forgive yourself of the past.

    The main way is to not dwell on garbage or linger in bad thoughts.

    Give yourself permission to ditch that stuff and live in the present.

    I say this because I was in major depression for two decades as a
    college graduated adult.

    I wrote all this hoping you could pick something out that works, leave the rest.

    Being alone, ruminating on failures or shortcomings, where does it lead?

    It starts a negative spiral downward, and it's hard to turn around.

    Right, but you have to turn it around, my friend.

    And you will. Just take it one day at a time.

    When those feelings or thoughts attack, take action to minimize them.

    Don't ruminate, don't be inside of it.

    That was what I did, lay around and cry to Phil Collins, while the sun was shining outside, as people threw frisbees in the park.

    But also consider one last thing, which is that when you find your way out,
    you can then pay it back by helping somebody else.

    You can always get a pick me up and get outside of your head that way.

    You can help people, feed the stray animals, shake the hand of a veteran.

    All those things start to build positive momentum.

    Sorry about the long winded post, I just wanted to get it all in.

    Be cool, don't drool...
    greenishmoon and Nugget9 like this.
  6. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    Hi, pals.

    I continued swimming and even when there are awful days I started having more short moments of bliss.
    I am happy to announce that I am no longer a compulsive fapper! Yay!. One year and a half porn free and M is going down.

    Yesterday I had a major breakdown and I decided to uninstall Instagram. It was hard but it filled me with so many negativity that at some point I had to accept that I just can't handle it. Since then I feel so relieved...
    Buddhabro, Nugget9 and Atticus like this.
  7. Wilde°

    Wilde° Fapstronaut

    I haven't read any posts, but I'd like to copy an advice written by me from another post.

    "Look dude, I'm going to give you a top advice.
    Even if one kills himself, it doesn't necessarily mean he'll be in a better place. Heck you might even be in a much worse place or have to go through all the pain replaying your life. Giving up never ends up in a good way everytime I gave up on my life it's just made it worst, same could be suicide. Everybody has their own unique and everybody is here for a reason, so are you. Give it some thought, also think about the people who love you it can make someone else suicide too."

    The known is where you at right now, but the unknown could be a much worse place to be in.

    Also cut negative people out of your life they are pain in the ass..

    Hope that helps.
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2021
    determined99 and greenishmoon like this.
  8. You need a hard mode reboot, my friend.
  9. radhouane

    radhouane Fapstronaut


    this breathing technique will help you so much it helped me before
    ( do it every morning on empty stomach)
  10. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    Why do you think it's a matter of abstaining?.

    I absolutely hate taking cold showers. I have to admit that the shock it causes sometimes shakes your deepest emotions.

    edit: uh sorry I read wim hof and automatically thought the first one was about it. i'm watching now
  11. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    How did this helped you?.
  12. Wilde°

    Wilde° Fapstronaut

    Cold showers get really fun especially in the summer you just get used to it. My anxiety is one little b*tch and it calms me down, been doing em for years I don't enjoy warm water no more because there's something calming about the cold apart from all the other positive effects. It always feels like torture in start but starting the day with a cold shower is the best way to start a day.
    greenishmoon likes this.
  13. Wilde°

    Wilde° Fapstronaut

    Be careful about the wim hof though it makes you feel a bit.. how do you call that, high lol.
    I felt like passing out but it's healing.
  14. radhouane

    radhouane Fapstronaut

    i tried it before taking cold shower and it hurts my body so much i m only talking just about his breathing technique that' help to get ride of many fears and controlling my level of stress on man y situation and sometimes i was think about suicide but not anymore
  15. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    Oh, that's great.

    I tried it today in the morning two times, but I didn't passed out or something lol.
    I'll keep watching to see what's it all about.
  16. Alright look man, this is a very long post, and I'm sorry.

    But I ask you to just read the whole thing because it's important.

    Before I answer that, I noticed that someone mentioned cold showers.
    I have to very strongly urge you to try this.
    I resisted it myself. I heard about it in the winter, when I lived in Louisville.
    I said no way, I'll wait until the water is warmer in spring.
    So I did. But it has a serious impact on my energy and outlook.
    Even if you can just get in, for 10 - 20 seconds and just splash your arms, legs,
    torso, back and head, it's plenty enough to get the benefit.

    About abstaining, I think many people miss the forest for the trees in NoFap.
    I think almost everyone can agree that porn is bad, and
    heavy use of porn is worse.
    But PMO addiction is just a symptom.

    Most guys, if they are anything like me, notice an inverse correlation between PMO use
    and their own self worth.
    In society, they wrongfully think that sex is linked to good things.
    But in retaining the sperm, a man suffers emotionally and physically.

    And just like everything in life, you get what you pay for.
    If you suffer for life improvement, then you will get the results.
    You will get unlatched from instant gratification.
    That one is massive if it was the only benefit, but it's not.

    NoFap changes a man's thinking over time in a good way.
    Before, when he sees a problem, he thinks, heck I can't solve that right now.
    So, I'll go have a beer, look at porn, and put it off.

    A guy during or after a reboot sees it a different way.
    He says, I can't solve the whole thing right now, but
    maybe there is one thing about the problem that I can improve.
    And he keeps working toward the solution.

    One example that happened to me was when I was on a streak in late 2020.
    I kept hearing this loud noise outside my window, like machinery.
    It was the air conditioner.
    I went outside and the noise definitely was coming from the ac unit.
    But I didn't know the first thing about AC units.

    I could have just said, I'll put up with it until the landlord fixes it.
    And then fapped or whatever.
    But instead, I dared to see what the problem was as I looked closer.
    It turned out that I could see the problem without even opening it.
    There was a wire making contact with the fan.
    It wouldn't be long until the blade cut through the wire.
    I had an idea. I took a wire hangar and fashioned it with pliars.
    I weaved it through in such a way to pull it away from the fan.
    The sound stopped immediately and never came back,
    and I lived there over another year after that.

    See how that tiny thing can pay you?
    What if I ran into hard times and couldn't pay rent?
    I could say to the landlord, cut me a break, since I saved you triple that amount
    on an ac repair.
    This reduction in noise didn't just help me.
    There were 4 others living in the house and also it reverberated in the alley,
    it helped the neighbors also.

    A five minute fix for free.
    That's the power of the reboot, my friend.
    Buddhabro likes this.
  17. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    I did it some times. May it be better to do without rationalizing the process and see if something changes?. I'd also wait for spring...
    I definitely believe that physical pain and or unease triggers something alike meditational states, the same goes with oxygen deprival (breathing techniques and such) something about it can be read on Aldous Huxley's Heaven and Hell essay.

    About your AC story, that's awesome. Would you acted the same way if not rebooted/into reboot?-

    May I remind you, I don't watch porn anymore. Sadly, sometimes I got the urges, but I haven't done it since march 2020 (also, that definitely made me feel better with myself).
    Nugget9 and Buddhabro like this.

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