Verge of relapse

Yesterday, I started to get this feeling of just giving up on myself, giving up on the possibility of healthy relationships. I'm feeling this sense of hopelessness, this sense of "why try". Tonight, I'm feeling like healthy relationships are out of the question for me, like I can't have a healthy sexuality. And if I'm not worthy of real relationships, then what's the harm in going back to the old behavior? That's what my mind starts saying.

Which is odd in a way. Just last night, I was thinking about how the old fantasies are already fading. The sexual thoughts are not nearly what they were. And yet, here I am....and I'm very very close to relapse tonight.

 

Don, I avoided relapse, and your words of encouragement played a big part in getting me through one of the most difficult moments of that. Thank you!

 

When you say "I wonder if those thoughts are even yours." -- that's powerful.

And I think you're onto something -- Yes, I had some interactions with less than uplifting people. I'm thankful to have people in my life who can contradict those less-uplifting voices. But sometimes a not so affirming interaction and my shame start to collide.....and those moments can feel hopeless.

I think maybe I'm starting to emerge from that abyss. Little by little anyway. The encouragement here helps.

 

This was close to psychic on your part. Thanks!