Very discouraged

A place for rebooters to meet and discuss 12-Step programs in conjunction with their reboot

  1. I keep relapsing after 2-3 days. Take out my frustrations on other brothers in recovery. Constantly considering just quitting The program altogether. I don’t even know why I’m bothering at this point. The self deprecating thoughts and behaviors are what brought me to try and find recovery. Sometimes I’m not even sure I want to stay sober and find recovery, I keep hearing that is the addiction talking but my actions make me think that I’m only doing it to lie to myself. I don’t think I’m willing to do what it takes to stay sober, since it seems like that might be eliminating all my digital devices and I have some kind of emotional attachment to them.
     
    Slimjimjones likes this.
  2. an update, I think im a little better than I was when. posted the previous. Still rather discouraged, not finding much sobriety, had one 11 day sober period(longest in almost a year). What really upsets me is the isolation during the build up, to, during, and after the relapse. My sponsor says he sees improvement in me, but our literature says recovery begins with sobriety, so im receiving mixed messages. I think I should be doing bette than I am, I have a potential promotion that seems likely looming over me.
     
    Slimjimjones likes this.
  3. so another update. been still struggling, few days of sobriety then relapse. 2 days here, 5 days there, I have been questioning if 12 steps is even helping me in this aspect of my recovery. Im trying to stay grateful but the lingering fear of loneliness keeps overtaking me( assuming by the time i get sobriety ill be well into my 40s, at best). I keep hearing "'insanity is doing the same thing over and over" and my mind jumps to, i keep attending meetings and ccalling sponsor and i keep relapsing maybe this isnt working for me. I still have a few commitments so i cant just leave but i really want to, if im being honest
     
  4. Choto

    Choto New Fapstronaut

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    I've been in and out of groups for years, both chemical and sexual. The chem stuff was a lot easier, physically and emotionally. But the sex stuff, that's a lot more arduous. Chems are not natural to our bodies, they are introduced specifically to alter our reality, sex, however, is natural and necessary. I know I fail in keeping sex in its rightful place for my life due to my having a skewed view of reality. Sobriety is not abstinence, that is simply a sign of recovery. There's a very real and wonderful reason we say "keep coming back", you have to make those connections to your higher power, who will reach out to you through your fellow travelers on the road to recovery.

    Yes, be upset you lapsed, but use that emotional energy to fuel your desire to get to the next level of recovery. And yeah, it might take you years, but as long as you keep attempting to work your steps honestly and fearlessly, you are doing everything right. You've tuned your mind into getting what it wants right now, you are just beginning the rebuild, be patient with yourself, be kind to yourself, and keep coming back, you can do this
     
    Discerning_Dubearte likes this.
  5. so getting current, im still struggling with sexual sobriety. But now i am dealing with the craving to use steroids, i tried them years ago but i didnt know what i was doing. I recently stopped taking some stuff i ordered that helped me put on some muscle and now using a pct. I dont know what i took or want to take down the line will constitute me losing my clean time but the people who know are very limited and does not include my sponsor.
     

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