This post was fantastic to read. You are doing so well people are noticing. That’s amazing. I know my husband would feel anxious and like a spotlight was on him if that happened. But it really is a good thing.
very first time here *journal*
- Thread starter The Shift
- Start date
This post was fantastic to read. You are doing so well people are noticing. That’s amazing. I know my husband would feel anxious and like a spotlight was on him if that happened. But it really is a good thing.
I felt absolutely NAKED. It made me feel both glad I'm moving in the direction I should be in, and also that I was truly just a scumbag. I'm not proud of it and I played with fire way too much. But, I can't get caught in the past. It's not useful to remain there, learn from it and remember to not go back absolutely but if I stay stuck in self loathing I'm not improving either. In the time the forums were off I've had a lot of time to think over this instance and I hope it does push me onward.
Thank you for the kind words I appreciate it!
what day is this? 94? ok that works
Hi gang I'm back Buckle up this is gonna be a long one lol .
Right before the forums took a nap we went on a little vacation with some friends. My wife's best friend and her kids plus her new boyfriend. This story kind of adds some context to our world so bear with me. My wife's BFF went through an absolutely DEVASTATING divorce this year. The guy was a secret sociopath and is just a terrible human. He was cheating the whole relationship and was just nonchalant about it clearly did not care if he was caught or what it was doing to his family. He then turned around and gaslit the BFF to try and put the blame on her because she never accepted him because he was Bi? Not really true at all because I was there and have seen the texts etc. not how it went down.
Now this story is relevant because their kids are truly truly struggling. This whole ordeal is really not going well for them and I'm seeing the signs of this in their kids behavior. This is stressing me out because it is affecting my kids too and then it made me think... Do Not Ever Do This To Your Family. This is brutal. This selfish behavior is what I was doing. I was not respecting how dangerous my actions were and now I'm seeing how much it could be affecting my family. I don't want to ever see my kids hurting the way these kids are.
I feel so blessed honestly, my wife and I are doing so much better since my confession. IT SUCKED, but the fruits have been so much more valuable than the awkwardness and the lies ever were. I'm trying to be stable for my girls. All of them. I'm trying to extend that to these kids I want to show them that there's a better way. This isn't how they need to live! But, if I slip I'm just enforcing that message, God forbid if I ever cheat I would be destroying so much more now. I'm not trying to make this about me because its not. I was forgiven I was given grace and I'm honestly just trying to help these girls because I don't see anyone else that can right this second. I feel grateful I'm kind of at a vulnerable point in our lives where I can show them that they deserve better. I am being given an opportunity I don't deserve to love my wife the way she truly deserves and I get to show some people that need to see it. That's truly a blessing and I really don't wanna screw it up.
Also while we were away from these here forums, I've been listening to more podcasts, reading more books, and just learning more strategies. I hit 90 days and I wanted to up the ante. I'm pushing my relationships beyond my marriage to be more safe. The episode with my friend that I had to cut off gave me some clarity that I don't like drawing hard lines in the sand on things like that because honestly, it's awkward. Wellllllll guess what a new goal is lol. It's time to get awkward and draw some LINES. I'm giving myself new stipulations that I will not be alone in any context with women, messages must be professional only if they cross this line and I don't correct it that is a restart, any woman that I'm friends with must be better friends with my wife and I am just a side product so to speak. Hard lines. Its not that I think I'm so good-looking that people are going to jump my bones in the parking lot but I can clearly see now that my sin is affection seeking and sexually I like feeling good about myself and getting attention P was just a branch of that apparently. Removing the temptation sources to porn was so effective so being proactive in any future scenarios that will probably almost certainly never happen is how Im going to ensure that I keep retraining my brain to be more like Christ. I will say I know religious reasons usually sound like someone is pointing a gun to my head but seriously, I just want to. It feels like something I can do to just say thank you for helping me not suck so much. I cant repay you but seriously thank you.
Also spoiler alert I dont deserve my wife she always takes such good care of me and always makes me feel so loved. She plans parties for me for my birthday every year even though i tell her not to and of course she did it again this year. Seriously shes an angel and I love her
Be blessed yall! Glad to have you back
Hi gang I'm back Buckle up this is gonna be a long one lol .
Right before the forums took a nap we went on a little vacation with some friends. My wife's best friend and her kids plus her new boyfriend. This story kind of adds some context to our world so bear with me. My wife's BFF went through an absolutely DEVASTATING divorce this year. The guy was a secret sociopath and is just a terrible human. He was cheating the whole relationship and was just nonchalant about it clearly did not care if he was caught or what it was doing to his family. He then turned around and gaslit the BFF to try and put the blame on her because she never accepted him because he was Bi? Not really true at all because I was there and have seen the texts etc. not how it went down.
Now this story is relevant because their kids are truly truly struggling. This whole ordeal is really not going well for them and I'm seeing the signs of this in their kids behavior. This is stressing me out because it is affecting my kids too and then it made me think... Do Not Ever Do This To Your Family. This is brutal. This selfish behavior is what I was doing. I was not respecting how dangerous my actions were and now I'm seeing how much it could be affecting my family. I don't want to ever see my kids hurting the way these kids are.
I feel so blessed honestly, my wife and I are doing so much better since my confession. IT SUCKED, but the fruits have been so much more valuable than the awkwardness and the lies ever were. I'm trying to be stable for my girls. All of them. I'm trying to extend that to these kids I want to show them that there's a better way. This isn't how they need to live! But, if I slip I'm just enforcing that message, God forbid if I ever cheat I would be destroying so much more now. I'm not trying to make this about me because its not. I was forgiven I was given grace and I'm honestly just trying to help these girls because I don't see anyone else that can right this second. I feel grateful I'm kind of at a vulnerable point in our lives where I can show them that they deserve better. I am being given an opportunity I don't deserve to love my wife the way she truly deserves and I get to show some people that need to see it. That's truly a blessing and I really don't wanna screw it up.
Also while we were away from these here forums, I've been listening to more podcasts, reading more books, and just learning more strategies. I hit 90 days and I wanted to up the ante. I'm pushing my relationships beyond my marriage to be more safe. The episode with my friend that I had to cut off gave me some clarity that I don't like drawing hard lines in the sand on things like that because honestly, it's awkward. Wellllllll guess what a new goal is lol. It's time to get awkward and draw some LINES. I'm giving myself new stipulations that I will not be alone in any context with women, messages must be professional only if they cross this line and I don't correct it that is a restart, any woman that I'm friends with must be better friends with my wife and I am just a side product so to speak. Hard lines. Its not that I think I'm so good-looking that people are going to jump my bones in the parking lot but I can clearly see now that my sin is affection seeking and sexually I like feeling good about myself and getting attention P was just a branch of that apparently. Removing the temptation sources to porn was so effective so being proactive in any future scenarios that will probably almost certainly never happen is how Im going to ensure that I keep retraining my brain to be more like Christ. I will say I know religious reasons usually sound like someone is pointing a gun to my head but seriously, I just want to. It feels like something I can do to just say thank you for helping me not suck so much. I cant repay you but seriously thank you.
Also spoiler alert I dont deserve my wife she always takes such good care of me and always makes me feel so loved. She plans parties for me for my birthday every year even though i tell her not to and of course she did it again this year. Seriously shes an angel and I love her
Be blessed yall! Glad to have you back
Sanitarium
Fapstronaut
inspirational and insightful! thank you for sharing!
Warren of fleabags
Fapstronaut
Well done on getting over the 90 day marker. Keep on going with your recovery and remember one day at a time.
Day 100,
I'm glad to have reached 100 days but as my wife and I discussed the other day she's still healing. I was excited and its ok that I am happy about 100 days but it's just a number. I was overly excited and suggested that I talk to people that need help etc. tell my story to some people that we know and she had to remind me that this isn't just about me. She is still hurting and I was a bit of an insensitive prick about it, not intentionally but regardless I let it slip my mind and I hate that.
I hate how much I have hurt her and I hate that despite knowing what Ive done, I still somehow manage to make things about me. Day 100 is great, but I still have a long way to go.
edited to add: its not just that I suggested talking to someone else and exposing my story its that it never occurred to me that it would be hurtful to do so... that is really screwing with my head and I feel really bad about it.
All that said, today is a landmark I wasn't sure I could reach and is worthy of being happy even if its a little lessened by that dumb comment by me. I wouldn't have made it this far without the grace of God, All praise to him!
I hope you all have a blessed week! thank you for being here!!
I'm glad to have reached 100 days but as my wife and I discussed the other day she's still healing. I was excited and its ok that I am happy about 100 days but it's just a number. I was overly excited and suggested that I talk to people that need help etc. tell my story to some people that we know and she had to remind me that this isn't just about me. She is still hurting and I was a bit of an insensitive prick about it, not intentionally but regardless I let it slip my mind and I hate that.
I hate how much I have hurt her and I hate that despite knowing what Ive done, I still somehow manage to make things about me. Day 100 is great, but I still have a long way to go.
edited to add: its not just that I suggested talking to someone else and exposing my story its that it never occurred to me that it would be hurtful to do so... that is really screwing with my head and I feel really bad about it.
All that said, today is a landmark I wasn't sure I could reach and is worthy of being happy even if its a little lessened by that dumb comment by me. I wouldn't have made it this far without the grace of God, All praise to him!
I hope you all have a blessed week! thank you for being here!!
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nomo
Fapstronaut
Exactly, and in my first post on this subject, that's exactly what I said. Don't confess prematurely, so we are in agreement on this one.
Is this in anyway about healing and helping our community anymore or are you just concerned with being right?
Because the quote you brought up is from July my friend. The issue has been pretty thoroughly discussed and I do not see any new or unique perspectives being brought to the topic. If we aren't here to improve there is no reason to comment on this any further.
Psalm27:1my light
Fapstronaut
I think with the new format old posts are getting brought up? I’ve noticed this now.
Warriorforlive
Fapstronaut
Is good right. so you can see your progress
So yes. What’s happening is old accounts are being used by bots and the post a link P Spam and reactivated the thread. I report them as soon as I see and the reply gets deleted but the thread is still at the top like it’s active. I’m trying to stay on it. Who do you think sent these bots??? One of the big P companies no doubt.
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So this is just a dead account bringing up old posts? And porn links?
Thats pretty dark but it is porn companies we are talking about it wouldn’t surprise me. If you guys can use your imagination I’m flipping off all of them now lol
nomo
Fapstronaut
The only reason I brought it up was because I had an alert on Tuesday in this site that someone newly commented on it. That made it relevant again and I answered the persons comment. If the comment was from July, I guess it was a glitch from Nofap that made it seem like there was a new comment on the old post.
As far as me being a caring member of this community who mainly comments when I think I'm helping or interested in the subject, you can decide that for yourself.
the issue was explained to me I was unaware of old posts being brought up. From my perspective, you were bringing up a post from July. From yours, it was a new post tagging you so of course you're right to respond. I withdraw my statement, given the new evidence you were totally within reason to respond. Sorry for the misunderstanding
Day 108,
been a crazy week!
Im doing well on my goals. Being more strict has been difficult but rewarding. I'm tempering my excitement on my progress since the mistake that I made last time about not considering my wife. Gratitude always for her and her grace shes given me that clearly I don't deserve. Shes a great Godly woman and she inspires me. I hope one day I will be worthy of her. My kiddos are definitely draining my battery and I have felt a few attacks and temptations and lots of distractions popping up. Feeling my emotions a little sharper and having to be very cognizant of where Im at emotionally, physically and spiritually. The fact that Im feeling it makes me happy because its proactive not reactive. Im sure ups and downs are just part of life and its nice to know I don't have to be a slave to my ups and downs.
Glad the election is over. Dont let the world and the drastic division get to you my friends. NOTHING has changed what we are supposed to do and how we are to go about our lives. Ive seen people that have let this election cycle impact their mental health. Relax my friends. Be kind. Be Blessed! Be aware that this much turmoil is a danger for relapse! Dont let it! stay strong! Turn off the stress where you can!
Have a great rest of your week! Choose happy and choose sobriety!
been a crazy week!
Im doing well on my goals. Being more strict has been difficult but rewarding. I'm tempering my excitement on my progress since the mistake that I made last time about not considering my wife. Gratitude always for her and her grace shes given me that clearly I don't deserve. Shes a great Godly woman and she inspires me. I hope one day I will be worthy of her. My kiddos are definitely draining my battery and I have felt a few attacks and temptations and lots of distractions popping up. Feeling my emotions a little sharper and having to be very cognizant of where Im at emotionally, physically and spiritually. The fact that Im feeling it makes me happy because its proactive not reactive. Im sure ups and downs are just part of life and its nice to know I don't have to be a slave to my ups and downs.
Glad the election is over. Dont let the world and the drastic division get to you my friends. NOTHING has changed what we are supposed to do and how we are to go about our lives. Ive seen people that have let this election cycle impact their mental health. Relax my friends. Be kind. Be Blessed! Be aware that this much turmoil is a danger for relapse! Dont let it! stay strong! Turn off the stress where you can!
Have a great rest of your week! Choose happy and choose sobriety!
Day 115,
I had a post on Monday but it’s awaiting moderation kind of weird but it’s ok.
Anyway it’s been a wild week at work and at home with just the insane amount of things we have in the air lol. But, my kiddos are doing so well in school and are really flourishing socially which has been my main concern regarding them. I’ve always had plenty of confidence in their intellect (they outsmart me just about daily) but my oldest especially is a very sweet but very sensitive child. I always worry about that because transition to a new grade is tough. She has made those worries seem foolish because her teacher says she’s become quite the leader and friend maker in their class. That makes me happy.
My youngest is a sour patch kid. This kid can be so very sweet but man oh man that spicy side kicks in hard haha
I’m extremely blessed and grateful they’re both doing well but I will probably always worry about them lol
Luckily my wife is an amazing mother and our kids are so blessed to have her
Hope you all have a great day.
I had a post on Monday but it’s awaiting moderation kind of weird but it’s ok.
Anyway it’s been a wild week at work and at home with just the insane amount of things we have in the air lol. But, my kiddos are doing so well in school and are really flourishing socially which has been my main concern regarding them. I’ve always had plenty of confidence in their intellect (they outsmart me just about daily) but my oldest especially is a very sweet but very sensitive child. I always worry about that because transition to a new grade is tough. She has made those worries seem foolish because her teacher says she’s become quite the leader and friend maker in their class. That makes me happy.
My youngest is a sour patch kid. This kid can be so very sweet but man oh man that spicy side kicks in hard haha
I’m extremely blessed and grateful they’re both doing well but I will probably always worry about them lol
Luckily my wife is an amazing mother and our kids are so blessed to have her
Hope you all have a great day.
Day 120,
I've been kind of grudgingly not posting here because one of my posts was deleted. It made me feel like I didn't want to post and I was being a brat about it, ANNNND it just now hit me that the main point of the whole post is that throughout this process things have been progressively and more intensely getting in my way and trying to derail me. I selfishly made it about something it wasn't and tried to let it be an excuse to not post. I legitimately fell into the trap I was currently fighting against.
There are a lot of days I feel resistant to doing something in my routine that I know has been beneficial. Whether it's been my Bible studies, working out, Reading the books I have been given to help with recovery, checking in with my accountability partner or even posting here. All of this has been what is keeping me going and I'm feeling the pull against doing them. Stephen Pressfield calls it resistance in "The War of Art", I feel like it's my sinner heart pulling me away from the way of effort. Sometimes it does genuinely feel like it's a supernatural phenomenon, like the devil is just breaking me down so he can tempt me and prove I'm too weak to resist.
It's been a struggle lately. Having car issues, I'm fighting with my Dad a bit more, and my meth-head uncle making my parents miserable with his constant badgering (it's seriously starting to piss me off). Work has been chaos and it feels like a lot of my friends are calling me out for my faith and grilling me or calling me fake (which is funny because I'm being WAY more honest now lol) All of this is just kind of piling on. I'm feeling it pretty heavily.
My point is. I'm going to feel a struggle. We are going to have rough days and this process is not going to just happen. Buckle up, stay on guard, and do not let the healing lapse. Focus on it, protect it.
I need to take at least half a day of rest once a week. Just turn off the outside and recover. Turn off my phone, pray, meditate on my Bible reading or the lessons from church, etc. There's a reason that one Commandment from God is to Honor the Sabbath and keep it holy. Jesus even states "the sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath" I don't think that was a coincidence. It was to protect us because He knows this world is going to be hard on you when you try to do better. (this isn't my wisdom my church is covering on this subject currently)
I'm grateful for you all and all of God's grace which many days is all I have going.
Be blessed everyone
I pray for you all to have a great week, shine bright, and make someones day better.
I've been kind of grudgingly not posting here because one of my posts was deleted. It made me feel like I didn't want to post and I was being a brat about it, ANNNND it just now hit me that the main point of the whole post is that throughout this process things have been progressively and more intensely getting in my way and trying to derail me. I selfishly made it about something it wasn't and tried to let it be an excuse to not post. I legitimately fell into the trap I was currently fighting against.
There are a lot of days I feel resistant to doing something in my routine that I know has been beneficial. Whether it's been my Bible studies, working out, Reading the books I have been given to help with recovery, checking in with my accountability partner or even posting here. All of this has been what is keeping me going and I'm feeling the pull against doing them. Stephen Pressfield calls it resistance in "The War of Art", I feel like it's my sinner heart pulling me away from the way of effort. Sometimes it does genuinely feel like it's a supernatural phenomenon, like the devil is just breaking me down so he can tempt me and prove I'm too weak to resist.
It's been a struggle lately. Having car issues, I'm fighting with my Dad a bit more, and my meth-head uncle making my parents miserable with his constant badgering (it's seriously starting to piss me off). Work has been chaos and it feels like a lot of my friends are calling me out for my faith and grilling me or calling me fake (which is funny because I'm being WAY more honest now lol) All of this is just kind of piling on. I'm feeling it pretty heavily.
My point is. I'm going to feel a struggle. We are going to have rough days and this process is not going to just happen. Buckle up, stay on guard, and do not let the healing lapse. Focus on it, protect it.
I need to take at least half a day of rest once a week. Just turn off the outside and recover. Turn off my phone, pray, meditate on my Bible reading or the lessons from church, etc. There's a reason that one Commandment from God is to Honor the Sabbath and keep it holy. Jesus even states "the sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath" I don't think that was a coincidence. It was to protect us because He knows this world is going to be hard on you when you try to do better. (this isn't my wisdom my church is covering on this subject currently)
I'm grateful for you all and all of God's grace which many days is all I have going.
Be blessed everyone
I pray for you all to have a great week, shine bright, and make someones day better.
Day 121,
I was tested yesterday. Just intense intense urges. All the stress and all the issues are adding up and it was a very strong urge to break and it was by far the worst urge I’ve had since I began NoFap. Lots of intrusive thoughts a lot of temptations.
But, I had been noticing the signs. Maybe it was manifest of me being worried about slipping, but I think I noticed because I’ve been practicing on even the minor events. I Have a few days worth of notes in my journal noting I’ve been off lately (seriously thank you @Warfman that suggestion was a lifesaver). It came and it passed. No emergency shower necessary. I avoided all my triggers I usually fall for, I redirected the urges to something else I enjoy (reading) and I did the combat breathing exercises from the B.R.A.C.E method. It passed.
Grateful for the process. It works. Can’t let it slip. I was starting to feel like I didn’t need it and this snapped me back in a hurry. Not happy with the urges but I have no control over that. I’m an addict and it’s just part of it. What I can control is what I look to and I Praise God I have a savior to follow that helps me. Even when I’m struggling He’s working. And, honestly thank God for the test. Build up by the trials. Even my failures can make me stronger.
Be Blessed everyone.
If you’re having a bad day or it’s looking bad just remember we are all struggling together. Keep struggling my friends. It’s worth it.
I was tested yesterday. Just intense intense urges. All the stress and all the issues are adding up and it was a very strong urge to break and it was by far the worst urge I’ve had since I began NoFap. Lots of intrusive thoughts a lot of temptations.
But, I had been noticing the signs. Maybe it was manifest of me being worried about slipping, but I think I noticed because I’ve been practicing on even the minor events. I Have a few days worth of notes in my journal noting I’ve been off lately (seriously thank you @Warfman that suggestion was a lifesaver). It came and it passed. No emergency shower necessary. I avoided all my triggers I usually fall for, I redirected the urges to something else I enjoy (reading) and I did the combat breathing exercises from the B.R.A.C.E method. It passed.
Grateful for the process. It works. Can’t let it slip. I was starting to feel like I didn’t need it and this snapped me back in a hurry. Not happy with the urges but I have no control over that. I’m an addict and it’s just part of it. What I can control is what I look to and I Praise God I have a savior to follow that helps me. Even when I’m struggling He’s working. And, honestly thank God for the test. Build up by the trials. Even my failures can make me stronger.
Be Blessed everyone.
If you’re having a bad day or it’s looking bad just remember we are all struggling together. Keep struggling my friends. It’s worth it.