Very low libido

G

Gavalar09

Fapstronaut
Hi all,

Gave up porn 8 months ago and have been having regular sex with my girlfriend.
It's very touch and go and lately my libido has hit rock bottom.
Last night I struggled to keep it up, especially when she was on top.
I have zero desire to masturbate either.
Shou I be concerned?
 
No. Sounds like your another one of these cases who will go through a long flatline, welcome to the club, it’s shit but you will heal, just don’t watch porn or peek, rewire with your girl as much as you can.
 
I abstained from PMO 16 months ago. At the moment my sex drive is almost non-existant. I don't have sex and have absolutely no desire to masturbate. I also lost the ability to fantasize about sex as porn images in my head faded away with time. The first few months of abstinence libido was pretty high, but later it started to diminish and finally went to nowhere. My theory behind this is that when you cut all possible sexual stimulation your brain adapts to the new circumstances and no stimulation leeds to libido loss. I'm not sure if this is true as you say you have sex with your girlfriend and still feel nothing. Looks like rewiring to natural sex didn't happen for you yet, maybe your brain is still wired to artificial stimulation instead of real sex.
 
Gota said:
I abstained from PMO 16 months ago. At the moment my sex drive is almost non-existant. I don't have sex and have absolutely no desire to masturbate. I also lost the ability to fantasize about sex as porn images in my head faded away with time. The first few months of abstinence libido was pretty high, but later it started to diminish and finally went to nowhere. My theory behind this is that when you cut all possible sexual stimulation your brain adapts to the new circumstances and no stimulation leeds to libido loss. I'm not sure if this is true as you say you have sex with your girlfriend and still feel nothing. Looks like rewiring to natural sex didn't happen for you yet, maybe your brain is still wired to artificial stimulation instead of real sex.
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Great job man!! 16 months is awesome. I would say have you been dating or trying anything with girls lately or gone socializing out with people. The most interring thing is that talking does feel like it is stimulating me more and more when I am out with people. The only other question I have which is physical and that is did you have PIED.. If so how long before it normalized or how long before flaccid returns to normal size.
 
Maybe you still are in the process of rewiring. You're lucky to have a someone to rewire with... There are nofappers including me can't even think about getting a girlfriend because the addiction was too deep so they need 2 years min of reboot to get out of the hole.
 
Freeddom_Taker said:
Maybe you still are in the process of rewiring. You're lucky to have a someone to rewire with... There are nofappers including me can't even think about getting a girlfriend because the addiction was too deep so they need 2 years min of reboot to get out of the hole.
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Well, let me ask you then for my knowledge what do you consider the addiction being too deep then. I am trying with a partner but will take some time I imagine. I would entertain mindful masturbation burn never with porn again. I understand that many say the chaser will come back which is a possibility but at least someone will know if they are truly addicted to open or not.
 
BigOne79 said:
Great job man!! 16 months is awesome. I would say have you been dating or trying anything with girls lately or gone socializing out with people. The most interring thing is that talking does feel like it is stimulating me more and more when I am out with people. The only other question I have which is physical and that is did you have PIED.. If so how long before it normalized or how long before flaccid returns to normal size.
Click to expand...

I'm not dating anyone at the moment. As for PIED, honestly, I don't know. I was involved in erotica/porn since 14 years old, spent many years in porn business running adult websites. I was never able to have sex, even if I tried with few woman, it didn't worked. I'm not sure if this was because of PIED or it was just a perfomance anxiety as I realize now that I have lots of psychological problems that holds me from getting intimate with woman. My unsuccessful attempts to have sex led me to shame, low self-esteem and fear and these traumatic experiences were so hard that I stopped searching for intimacy with woman and went to isolation. Before abstaining from PMO it was harder and harder maintain the erection (even if I had nocturnal erections and still have them) and I needed more and more extreme porn to get thrilled. But I think those of us with decades long porn addiction have PIED in one or another form.
 
Gota said:
I'm not dating anyone at the moment. As for PIED, honestly, I don't know. I was involved in erotica/porn since 14 years old, spent many years in porn business running adult websites. I was never able to have sex, even if I tried with few woman, it didn't worked. I'm not sure if this was because of PIED or it was just a perfomance anxiety as I realize now that I have lots of psychological problems that holds me from getting intimate with woman. My unsuccessful attempts to have sex led me to shame, low self-esteem and fear and these traumatic experiences were so hard that I stopped searching for intimacy with woman and went to isolation. Before abstaining from PMO it was harder and harder maintain the erection (even if I had nocturnal erections and still have them) and I needed more and more extreme porn to get thrilled. But I think those of us with decades long porn addiction have PIED in one or another form.
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Well, that is what I am going to find out here now. It will probably take a bit a time getting to know the person and being comfortable to actually try something. I understand your feelings but you will pull through it. There could be issues on my side too about intimacy that I might have to work out as well. You seeing any therapist and trying and Behavioral Therapy at the moment.. I am trying this as well ...
 
Very often, the main problem about sexual problems during sex, when you stoped porn is in two part. The first part is chemical / biological ; and the second is more about the nervous system.

For the first point, your body react with a reward's process. Porn give to your body some easy rewards ( hormones, serotonin etc ). In other words, it is accustomed and conditioned with this way.

About the second point, your nervous system is like " disconnected " from your body. Maybe as many of porn addict, you lost the sensitivity of your own body. As for the first point, your nervous system is used to doing in this way.

Against those problems, I read some books of Mantak Chia about " sexual tao " and I used to eat some plants to help my body to be stronger. For example, maca, ashwaganda, rosemary etc..
 
JohnConstantine7 said:
Very often, the main problem about sexual problems during sex, when you stoped porn is in two part. The first part is chemical / biological ; and the second is more about the nervous system.

For the first point, your body react with a reward's process. Porn give to your body some easy rewards ( hormones, serotonin etc ). In other words, it is accustomed and conditioned with this way.

About the second point, your nervous system is like " disconnected " from your body. Maybe as many of porn addict, you lost the sensitivity of your own body. As for the first point, your nervous system is used to doing in this way.

Against those problems, I read some books of Mantak Chia about " sexual tao " and I used to eat some plants to help my body to be stronger. For example, maca, ashwaganda, rosemary etc..
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Okay, so about the nervous system. You seem to have more knowledge about this. What is the best way to regain sensitivity in the body and not just penis, which I already feel. The being aroused is the only hard part. I am on the lower end of the Testoseone spectrum but not too low. I am sure faking hurt that hormone. I believe lifting heavy and trying to get that up is one of the best ways to get libido up.. The nervous system definitely takes a hit because I have been waking up after two or three hours but seems as though that is calming down now ..
 
Freeddom_Taker said:
Maybe you still are in the process of rewiring. You're lucky to have a someone to rewire with... There are nofappers including me can't even think about getting a girlfriend because the addiction was too deep so they need 2 years min of reboot to get out of the hole.
Click to expand...
Well, it seems like you were more on point about how long it would take to get out of the PIED hole I was in. I was trying with a couple different girls back in 2019 but just wasn't feeling anything. After two and a half years now my head is finally disconnected with digital porn and I am not getting aroused by it anymore. A lot of fantasizing has stopped as well. I have to admit I was making myself think I was doing it hard mode with no PMO but I was always peeking at P so basically it was soft mode but it took almost three years. Hard Mode would have been quicker I bet but it is what it is.
 
Gota said:
I abstained from PMO 16 months ago. At the moment my sex drive is almost non-existant. I don't have sex and have absolutely no desire to masturbate. I also lost the ability to fantasize about sex as porn images in my head faded away with time. The first few months of abstinence libido was pretty high, but later it started to diminish and finally went to nowhere. My theory behind this is that when you cut all possible sexual stimulation your brain adapts to the new circumstances and no stimulation leeds to libido loss. I'm not sure if this is true as you say you have sex with your girlfriend and still feel nothing. Looks like rewiring to natural sex didn't happen for you yet, maybe your brain is still wired to artificial stimulation instead of real sex.
Click to expand...
This is where I am at right now but took me 34 months though. It is crazy that time has passed but my mind has finally stopped fantasizing all the time and the digital porn is not arousing anymore. I feel dead below right now. I was trying hard mode but could never stop looking at the P though. Kept hitting the circuits. Only in the last few months this year I was making pretty good strides and then one day, my mind just totally changed. I still feel changes taking place in my mind. I do not think like I used to a lot under addiction.
 
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