Vicious Cycle

I wish I knew the way out, brother. I've not had any luck through dating apps.

 

I dont have any answers for you bro but know you arent alone. Im 25 years old and Ive been single all my life. (Not by choice)
I think there are also a lot of single women out there who feel the same way. I think when the time is right God will introduce that special person in our lives. I'm a firm believer in fate and everything happening for a reason.
With that said, I think we should also be diligent to keep living healthy lifestyles and be obedient to God's will for our lives.
Living sinful lives with no regards or concern for anything or anyone but ourselves will obviously not reap and blessing or rewards.
Just keep fighting the good fight bro and I'll pray you'll meet that special someone. We are in the same boat my guy.

 

same boat brotha.. hate seeing pda but thats a normal reaction dnt worry. some religious countries forbid pda for that very reason. makes sense when you think about it. envy never grows into anything good. maybe try and be glad for the couple as individuals that their not alone and depressed. id rather see a couple happy together than a sad lonely person walking by themselves. as far as that work friend. I got 5 words for you. don't shit were you eat. imma say something cliche but true as time. there are plenty of fish in the sea. whenever you walk outside we are thrown opportunities to meet new people even with covid.. unless you live in the sticks or in a mine shaft i refuse to believe otherwise.

 

I don’t have answers for you, sorry. But when I read your post I felt your pain, and your longing for companionship. A thought came to mind, ‘focus on being the perfect partner, not wanting the perfect partner.’ This is a thought that reminds me - a married man of 20+ years - that although I have a partner/wife/friend I still have to work at being the best partner for her. I also liked what @blacklabel92 wrote.

 

Find out what you want out of life my guy. Do what you feel is fulfilling to you, and focus on that and dedicate your time to it. Again, I'm a firm believer in having a purpose and a calling, but even if you're not, there's something in life (an activity / hobby) that brings you a lot of joy and is something you're good at. Everyone has their one thing. If I were you I would focus on doing that,
And also focusing on being the best version of yourself (healthy / free of PMO) and also be kind to strangers and just be the nicest guy you possibly can and eventually you will atrract attention. (Not that its the end goal, but-) ultimately people (specifically, a girl) will notice you and might even approach you. Its all about moving forward and being intentional about it, and staying positive. You will create some good vibes and a positive energy that others will start to notice. I have noticed in my own life on days where I was feeling happier and less focused on my own problems, I was naturally more talkative and friendly with people and people would start talking to me more or whatever the case was.

 

I didn't agree with his entire post and I do think he came off harsher than necessary... but he did make a good point about envy. Clearly you are already aware of envy and how it is not good - and its important, I think, to be happy for others and not always thinking about ourselves, in regards to self-pity.

And yeah, I think I'm in the same boat, I am still trying to learn to be content and happy with myself while at the same time still hoping that eventually I'll find that special someone. But the focus definitely needs to be more on ourselves, both in taking care of ourselves physical and mental-health wise, and also in the sense, how can we benefit, or be of service to others?

What I'm trying to say is: Life is not all about us. It's important we improve our own health and life, Yes, so that we can help others.
Life is not all about us. The world doesn't revolve around our life. And I'm not saying that from up on my pedestal... I struggle with the same thing.

 

lol. yeah, some couples r just in their own worlds out in public, oblivious to the world around em. i think a lil bump or nudge to wake them up lettin them know there are other ppl around is good. only if there walkin around thinkin they own the public space.

benefits to having a work life. you can focus on stacking paper. then u can stunt on these mfs.

not true imo. still alot of decent ppl out here who are single their just hiding lmao. sometimes youll catch them out and about rarely. you gotta be lucky running into them. so next time u see one dnt let that opportunity pass friend.

 

Hey there Merry X'mas,

Regarding the colleague of yours, I think what you can do is to let her know "if we are talking about work then I would rather be alone" kind of reply. I mean is ok to talk about work once in awhile. But if the conversation is nothing social then to me is just work. So it might be better you avoid it all together.

Regarding the finding the perfect mate, I would think you need to give off the signal that you are looking for some one. I can't exactly describe but maybe you can start by dressing to attract attention (definitely positive attention) then get into places where you will be seen like some clubs or communities where there are ladies that would be attracted to the effort you put in. I mean I am not a love guru but you have to been seen for your effort.

Some romance do just happened...but most of them I believe are right place right time kinda thingy so I think you need to create that chance for that to happened.

Lastly 26 you are still pretty young, enjoy your life, enjoy what you do...I think romance will find the happy person

 

PLEASE don’t give up hope. As long as you are alive there is ALWAYS hope. And who says you have to find true love now or before 30 or even 40. Seriously, you can have peace and contentment even without a partner and even if you see others enjoying their PDA.

 

Lots of good advice on here but I respectfully need to counter the suggestion of being as nice as you can be. As a recovering Nice Guy I can tell you that's not the formula. Women don't want nice guys, they want good men... that is, men with the potential to be bad but who choose not to be, which is a sign of self control, indicating power, which a woman craves in a man above all else and will pursue if she senses it. (Well, this is for quality women out there. There are also plenty of thrill seekers and ho's who only want evil or at best amoral men, but you don't want to get messed up with them).

Work on creating power within yourself, a big part of which is self acceptance. Women need to feel a mixed sense of intrigue and comfort around you. "There's something about this guy I can't quite figure out but it feels good and it fascinates me." If you're not comfortable with yourself she won't be comfortable around you and trying to "be nice" won't change that but will only land you in the friendzone. Good luck!

 

My intention is to help you, I admit that this could come up as insulting or hard on a personal scale, but there is no personal intent to attack you.

With that said
I am going to insist. And no, there is no JEALOUSY, you are not jealous because you could only be jealous with something (or someone) you already posess and you are afraid to loose. There is no jelousy involved here, you have ENVY. Totally different things.
Also different with HATE, I didnt say you hated any couple, I said that you ENVY them. Actually, you said it. ("I can't stand to see all the couples and teenagers all out in the malls and public") Is pretty obvious.

There is no blaming here.
I am here just pointing this out, and yes, is a pretty hard pill to swallow, I know...
But you could admit it, and aknowledge this, and realize how you low yourself at your own eyes and that you can be better than that.
As I said, there is no blaming here. You are just hurting youself (envy bittes itself). Blame doesnt matter anyways, is worst to feel sad by other people being happy. That is a sh*tty place. Nothing good or fulfilling can rise up from that.