Victim mentality

I woke up feeling deeply hurt by my past. As a young child, I was dominated by older cousins, as a school-boy, I was dominated by older, stronger boys, because I was a year or more younger than everyone in my grade. I have never been a dominant "alpha" (forgive the word), and always thought of my self as having a very gentle, harmless, caring nature. My older male cousins have always taken it for weakness, and they have dominated me physically, mentally, and emotionally all my life. I realize that I need to face my victim mentality. The victim mentality leads me to PMO because it is such a painful feeling, and brings painful memories, so I want to PMO to numb the feelings, and bury them. I'm a Christian, so I found this webpage http://www.faiththerapy.org/answers-by-topic/victim-mentality/, and I think it opens a constructive conversation about victim mentality. Whether you're a christian or not, what advice do you have for someone with a life-long victim mentality? There are others out there who feel abused or taken advantage of, and it feels like an impossible situation. I think a lot of people would benefit from a lively, inclusive discussion of victim mentality.

 

Thanks guy for your comments. I want to add that growing up I was a big brother, and a really nice one. I like to think I have exceptional inner strength. I treated my brother with kindness and gentleness when he was growing up, because I wanted him to feel confident, and safe with family. My cousins are 3 brothers, the oldest beat up the younger two, and the younger two beat me up. They said they beat me up because they got beat up by their older brother. I wanted the cycle to stop with me, so at a young age, I chose to love my brother and protect him.
I think bully types want to label others as weak to mask their inner feelings of weakness. Possibly I should be grateful and proud of having more inner strength than my cousins, for treating my brother with respect. Possibly I learned from their mistakes. Still, my younger brother grew up to be strong, and he stopped respecting me. He beat me up several times, even almost killed me once by choking me until I passed out and then he got a big log and was about to knock me over the head with it, before my dad came in the room and stopped him. Is this typical victim mentality? Now I feel like the one left out. I'm a tall guy. I'm 6'3, 208 lbs. My family and others see me and think, look how big and strong he is physically, how can he possibly have a victim mentality?! Anyone reading this, don't assume that just because a person is physically strong, that they are strong inside. I grew up a the small guy in my school, and in my family. To the outside world, now I seem like a big guy, who must be strong internally, so they seem to be afraid of me. The reality is I'm just as afraid. They project the anger they have for their bullies on to me, because I may look like their bully. I wish people would judge others not by association, or a figment of their imagination, but by real evidence. My dad says it is my responsibility to stand up to bullies. I think I wanted to avoid violence of any form, because I'm a sensitive guy. I'm strong, but I'm a softy inside. I'm tired of being dominated by all the males in my family. I'm the only one with these psychological problems.

 

"A victim mentality is the opposite of a resilient personality." Sorry, but your black and white thinking is substandard. Victim mentality and resilience are not opposites. How can someone be resilient without facing difficult problems like victim mentality? They are both parts of a whole, with equal value. "Resiliency is basically getting up when you have been broken. It is questioning your thoughts that you are not good enough." Thanks, in an indirect way you have called me resilient, because this post is all about questioning victim mentality, and reaching out to others for ways of conquering victim mentality.

 

Thanks for your reply The Eleven. Meditation is helping me in subtle ways with thoughts/emotions/impulses/memories, I've practiced for about 5 days now.

 

Thanks for your message Thanatos. How do you recommend using the Drama triangle to develop a healthy mindset? Through meditation?

 

kitty fukr, no thanks for the red herring.