Video game NSFW content in the way of rebooting?

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Deleted Account, Apr 20, 2018.

  1. So about 5 months ago I found out that my boyfriend is addicted to porn and it almost lead to the end of our relationship, but he is determined to fight his addiction for us. He used to download all kinds of pictures on his phone to his 'fap folder' on a daily basis which he's completely got rid of now. What I've been noticing about 2 months later that he's started browsing a lot of NSFW/sexy content for video games, especially Fallout 4 mods, like nude skins, skimpy outfits etc. I feel a bit silly asking this, but would that kind of stuff be somehow considered bad for his rebooting process? I know that it's not as real as real women's nude/sexy pictures but maybe he's tricking himself into thinking that because it's not as realistic it's not as bad?

    Thanks in advance for any advice!
     
  2. Father Dan

    Father Dan Fapstronaut

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    I would agree with you that they would be a porn substitute and counter productive to his recovery. Just have a chat to him, if you are really concerned about it. Good luck.
     
    R.o.B and tiredofbeingtired like this.
  3. Thanks for your reply! I did have a chat with him about this and his reasoning was that for him, it's just a video game and he doesn't associate it with porn, it would just be something "nice to look at". I can understand that in a way but from his addicted mind's point of view, I'm guessing he wouldn't really differentiate between something as simply visually attractive and something sexually attractive. Long before I knew about his addiction, I tried questioning some of his upvotes on image boards of half naked women or other sexual pictures with cleavages and so on, and he would always try to make me believe that he is able to just "appreciate female beauty" without necessarily seeing anything sexual in it (I am sure that men are able to do this, but if a picture is obviously sexual in nature with certain female body parts being emphasized or (partial)nudity, I found that a bit hard to believe, especially since men by nature/instinct look at the other gender's body more with their private parts than just their eyes) And when I finally stumbled upon his phone's "fap folder" it turned out that exactly those kinds of pictures ended up in there, among other pictures that wouldn't even be considered sexual, like a random girl's Facebook profile pictures that was just a closeup of her face, no nudity, no body shown. So I'm guessing that it all depends on his mindset and how he chooses to look at something.

    But how can I know or tell if in his mind he is actually distancing himself from the sexual aspect of a picture/pixels on the screen, which is what the whole addiction is about? Does the fact that a representation of the female body in a video game is not the same as a real woman's picture really matter? Does it matter if a woman's body is drawn, animated or photographed? Or is he (although I know that he isn't masturbating to this stuff, he is simply playing a video game while browsing mods on the side) subconsciously just trying to find another way to feed his addiction?

    I also noticed that some of his behavior shows similarities between his behavior when he was regularly looking at porn:
    1.) He hasn't done this kind of mod browsing often (maybe 3 times in the past 3 months) but when he did, he did it privately and without me being aware of it/being around
    2.) When I saw by coincidence that he had skimpy outfit mods and pinup picture mods in his game, he told me that these mods came with a package, as if to say that he didn't intentionally look for these mods. However I could see by his browsing history (we openly use the same PC) that he actively searched out and browsed the NSFW section of mods
    3.) He gave me a really irrational answer when I expressed my doubts with this kind of stuff, saying that "he doesn't want to censor himself when gaming" eventhough HE is adding these things to the game actively, which is not the same as some kind of nudity being in the game already

    Now I'm not sure if I'm just ridiculously obsessing about a silly video game, or if there is some connection to the addiction issue. Sorry, I know this was a long post, but if maybe a guy could give me some insight on some of my questions/thoughts, I would appreciate it!
     
  4. Player 1

    Player 1 Fapstronaut

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    I'm used to modding games like this and also do that. But I really can't tell since I don't like traditionnal sex (penetration), my experience might be different from what how a common person would experience it... It's true that some clothing mods first requires nude body mod, but most times there is an option to keep the underwear for women characters.

    Lot of them are sexual content, and try to be as sexy as possible. It's part of the addiction of course to install them, to be honest I have a foot fetish and I couldn't stand a body mod with ugly feet so yeah, I was searching for the best. No matter what sexual content there is if you get horny too quick to it, it's bad for rebooting. To me it was not really a relapse or urge trigger, I would say mostly a fantasy trigger I could manage to stop as I was focusing on the game. But yeah, if he creates a female character no doubt he's gonna try to make the lady of his dream and fantasize on it. The kind of perfect women. It's indeed a P-substitute, but maybe not as hard as watching porn: It depends on people of course, to me I consider it's not too damaging since I don't feel like getting a high dopamin amount. I would understand otherwise for a different person. See if he's really obsess about the character(s) to the point he could relapse on it, or if he mostly play the game and enjoy the graphics with these mods.

    Sorry for bad english.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2018
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  5. Father Dan

    Father Dan Fapstronaut

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    I'd say if he is serious about his reboot, I'd recommend he uninstalls his nude mods on his games. I agree that it would be different if the sexual content was just part of the base game. Its the same reason I don't avoid movies with the occasional sex scene in it. Because I'm there to watch the movie as a whole, not just the sex scene. However since the mods have to be manually installed into the game and have nothing to do with the base game, that's where it starts to blur the line. Between enjoying the game as intended, or using the game to sub-conciously satisfy a porn addiction. I agree with your stance on this issue. Just know he is trying his best to kick his porn addiction. However both you and I agree he is not going about in the most effective way.
     
  6. Thanks for both of your replies, I appreciate any insight on this. At the end of the day, the problem is that I can't see inside his head and I can't know what exactly he feels or thinks when he's browsing and installing that kind of sexual content. All I know is that he hasn't (although of course I don't know exactly what he does in private) done this a lot and he has never acted on it or let it escalate to more, so I'm not sure what to conclude from this, maybe he is actually able to control himself when he just has the intention to play a video game with some additional eye candy. I don't know...
     
  7. Father Dan

    Father Dan Fapstronaut

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    Well maybe you are right. If he is able to control his urges even with the nude mod content, then more power to him. But it is not without the risk of him falling into old habits.
     
  8. Well it turns out now (like said, I am able to use his computer freely, as he can use mine) that he has a 100+ screenshot collection of female NPCs'/companions' cleavages and asses that he's 'enhanced' with sexy mods. I think this definitely falls into the category of him mimicking his porn addiction behavior. He also has pin up pictures decoration mods and some kind of sex mod that includes porn moaning sounds. The browsing alone of these mods must offer so many artificial stimuli, and although I know that he's probably not looking at 'real' porn outside of this, let alone masturbating to it, this has to be in some way reinforcing part of his addictive behavior/conditioning of his brain to search out artificial sexual stimuli. I never really knew how exactly to classify his addiction, as he wasn't so much addicted to compulsively masturbate to porn, choosing every possible opportunity to do so, but rather spending a lot of time on searching out and downloading anything potentially sexually stimulating, to - whenever he would feel private enough to do so - masturbate to it. Now I'm not sure if he actually believes what he's doing is harmless or if he's in a way lying to himself by telling himself that a video game is not the same as porn. I just don't know how I can convince him or open his eyes, or if there is even any point to do so..
     
  9. Father Dan

    Father Dan Fapstronaut

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    This is only my opinion, but I definitely think in this case he is still continuing his porn habit. With the sexual imagery in the mods he has downloaded.

    As far as how to convince him that it is detrimental, if he wants to kick his porn habit, I don't know. Whether he truly wants to change is also up to him, he may say he wants to change. However, it is much harder to truly make the commitment to change.

    I'm certainly no expert on this rebooting stuff, I've only joined this site about a month ago and I've relapsed a couple of times. But I'm feeling good at the moment about my progress in kicking my own porn habit.

    All I can say is be persistent, I'm sure that in time he will progress further with kicking porn for good. You have been engaging in these forums a bit. It might worth trying to encourage him to do the same. Whether he uses the account you are using, or a separate one for him. We are all friends here. He can still improve with the right support. Stay strong
     
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  10. Thanks for your advice. I confronted him about this and he has agreed to delete those mods, seeing how it can be damaging for his reboot. However, he insisted that when he has beat the addiction, he would never want to limit himself by not putting those kinds of mods into the game. When I asked him what is the point of doing that he argued what is the point of art, it's simply nice to look at. I would still think the point of a sexualized woman is to be sexually stimulating, even if it happens to be visually stimulating as well, and that there should be a specific time and place to want to look at something like that, meaning for sexual arousal. I can understand if a movie or game has nudity or sexual content that for a guy it's something nice to see on the side, but to actively search these things out of context (meaning outside of wanting to be sexually stimulated) doesn't seem normal to me. But maybe as a woman I'm just not able to understand how a man thinks. Is it really normal for a guy, addiction or not, to obsess about putting big tits and asses into a video game to make it more pleasing to the eye?

    Either way, I feel like he hasn't really reached that point in his mind where he sees something wrong with his behavior and wants to change something about it. I've recommended and linked him this nofap forum a few times and given all kinds of advice, but he seems to want to do it in his own way.
     
  11. Father Dan

    Father Dan Fapstronaut

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    Once he is further along in his reboot, I'm sure he will be less tempted to go back to adding sexual content to his games. If he wants to try and kick his habit on his own that's fine too, as it's a very personal decision to seek help or not. He may not see it now, but you are a very caring and supportive partner. To be so invested in helping him kick porn for good, is admirable.
     
    Baledoz likes this.
  12. I appreciate your kind and encouraging words and I think anyone on and outside of this forum who decides to go through this (I can only imagine since I'm not an addict myself) difficult, scary and lifechanging experience deserves greatest admiration and respect, and all the support that is needed.
    So what I take from this is that adding sexual content to a game is in one way or another done with the intention of triggering a sexual response, and him reserving that right for the future is his addiction speaking. I just feel like he is still in some kind of denial about his addiction and I don't think there is much I can do to help that. I actually still feel a bit disturbed by the fact that in a couple of hours of playtime he has collected 150+ screenshots focusing on every cleavage and ass in the game and he doesn't even see anything wrong with it. I thought him having quit "real" porn for a few months now (at least I hope so, he refused to have any porn blocking apps on his phone) would fix this oversexualizing view on everything. But I guess all I can do is be hopeful and patient and as supportive as possible. I just don't want my trust to be further abused either.
     
  13. Father Dan

    Father Dan Fapstronaut

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    You've hit the nail on the head. As the sexual imagery seems to have become the focus of the game, rather than the game itself. Also it is understandable that you don't want your trust broken again. Thanks for this topic. It can't have been easy for you to post this issue. It has been really interesting to discuss this topic. It has really made me think. Like I said I'm not an expert, I'm just a dude trying to make some changes in my life. He'll get there.
     
    AngelofDarkness likes this.
  14. goodnice

    goodnice Fapstronaut

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    Ya it's called Psub. He is trying to find a way around no P. It's sneaky and subtle and i think most of us on nofap are guilty of doing it at some point or another including me.

    Yes it does hinder the reboot process, every lustful glimpse and thought he enterstains. And he should stop because eventually it will probably lead to a full blown P session which is what happened with me yesterday after 100 days no PMO
     
  15. goodnice

    goodnice Fapstronaut

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    yes i think he is subconsciously trying to feed the addiction. I can really relate to him, especially the screenshots and photos stash.

    The last few weeks I have gone without internet during the day and my brain was seeking some alternative since i couldn't watch p. So what did i do, I used sex books. And in them were some drawings of sex and nude girls and it turned me on and it just fueled the fire and led me down a bad paths again- ultimately leading to watching P.
    Even if it's just a video game or drawing, it can still turn us on a lot, so be careful. That kind of Psub should be stopped
     
  16. goodnice

    goodnice Fapstronaut

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    Nah he well knows what he is doing. Don't be tricked. And if you want to convince him, show him some nofap posts on reddit. There are tons where guys denounce this Psub viewing and say it's harmful to reboot process. If you show him the viewpoint of other guys on nofap which will provide some authority, that could open his eyes
     
    AngelofDarkness likes this.
  17. Mr. Stark

    Mr. Stark Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    He is not on nofap ? Make him come. Let him read the journals. Let him see the bad effects that porn has in life of people. Let him see how it works. Let him see how re not changes life. Then he will become self conscious about improving. Right?
     
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  18. YeetBoi21

    YeetBoi21 Fapstronaut

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    I was gonna reply but then I saw the date of the original post and was like

    Ooh nvm
     
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