Virgin @ 27

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Bemybest, Nov 30, 2018.

  1. Bemybest

    Bemybest Fapstronaut

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    I want someone who can discipline me and mould me into inculcating good habits like a coach. I have tried doing what you are suggesting for last seven and horribly failed at that which depressed me more.
     
  2. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    I am just guessing here but you (like most people) might have failed in the past because you try to change/discard all the bad habits almost overnight.
    Going from 100 km/h to 0 is not going to happen overnight so I would suggest focusing on removing the bad habits one att the time so you slowly get accustomed to the new better ones. Then, try to look positively at the gradual disposal of each bad habit as they slowly fade away.
    Don't compare yourself to others but rather try to see where you have been before and where you are now. In that way, you will more easily get accustomed to see progress from your own perspective and no one else's.

    Also keep in mind that changing habits (especially those who have followed you for years) take time as that involves complex rewiring processes in your brain as well. Although the brain is quite malleable, years of PMO:ing and the negative habits associated with it have a big impact on it indeed so a complete reboot takes a long time.
    I am not trying to discourage you here, I am just trying to make you aware of how strong of a force PMO is as it took me years to quit and get out of the negative thinking spiral that it brought (and I have no genetics for addiction by the way).
    It was not until my late 20's (after failing several times) I could finally slowly pull myself up the bootstraps as I approached 30 years of age. It might have been a 30-year old crisis or something because I was telling myself: I really need to improve myself, throw my former life behind as I truly want my 30's to be great.

    After I turned 30 last spring, my life has been greater in every possible way that it can't even be compared to the experienced brainfog, semi-depression, negative thoughts, and anxiety I had during my 20's.
     
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  3. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    I would totally agree with your choice to remain virgin if meanwhile you would stop pmo. Thats a great decision and i totally respect it.

    But continuing to pmo and wait for the love of your dreams is a waste of a life man
     
  4. j0rdi3

    j0rdi3 Fapstronaut

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    STOP FOCUSING ON GIRLS... Make something out of yourself OP and then girls will come to you! You're going about this the wrong way

    STEPS:
    1. Work out for a nicer body (Not for girls but for yourself and your health)
    2. Get your career in order and study hard!!
    3. Stop focusing on girls because at this rate you're not going to get one and thinking about them constantly is ruining your life and for nothing!

    All these steps and the girls will be coming to YOU
    "Stop chasing butteryflies; Mend your garden and butterflies will come."


    Have some GRIT my man! Rise from the ashes and take your life by the reigns! Have the agency in your life to start making things better! YOU HAVE THE POWER
     
  5. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    That's the approach I started to take only a few weeks after quitting PMO for good. Prior to it, I was filled with sexual frustration, anger, anxiety, low confidence and feelings of sadness and hopelessness. I thought all of my life issues/problems would go away as soon as I got laid and a girl's approval.
    I was quite needy to say the least and unfortunately, a lot of guys go down this path before getting their act together and the end-result is usually not very good. They do mostly end up in poor relationships with little spiritual connection and make very little progress on a personal level. I would suggest adding meditation and spiritual practices to the list above as that makes you feel present in the moment and feeling happy and confident with what you have. You will feel a need for very few things as you start practicing it.
    Remember that no life-journeys are different and most people don't give a s*** whether you are a virgin or not. Most girls out there are drawn to the cool and confident men and thus couldn't care less about their sexual past.
     
    Bemybest likes this.
  6. Thank you, thats why I'm working on myself and fix my issues.
    Nice words mate, I think the same way, but sometimes I forget it and you made me to remember it.
     
  7. Bemybest

    Bemybest Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for such great motivation!
    But truth be told I know you are absolutely right and I have religiously tried to follow a schedule to Improve myself physically, mentally and intellectually but due to repeated failure I have been getting frustrated with myself. I would try to achieve the long term goals but initially only I wander off. I continue for at the most two weeks but then I get depressed for some reason amd then same binge cycle repeats.

    It has been really difficult for me to develop consistency in long term and be disciplined towards inculcating good habits. I would make a goal like this :-
    To do list
    Yoga
    Gym
    Library- study for 8-10 hours when left office
    Office

    But then I am not able to follow regularly. How to develop this habit and make them bulletproof. I feel even if I follow this schedule for one month I would taken great strides in improving my lifestyle. But for that I have realized one needs to be mentally very strong which I am not. I am very fickle minded.

    Let's hope this time I continue with my habits for a longer time. I have resumed with this schedule
    2 days back. I will be keep updating to get all of your support and guidance.

    Cheers!
     
  8. Bemybest

    Bemybest Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for such kind and encouraging words. I quite agree with your suggestion and have tried to follow it many times in the past. Recently too I have resumed meditation.

    But still despite this fact it is really difficult to get over the same feelings of loneliness , sexual frustration, etc . Please guide how did you completely get over it.
    Only option I see for myself is to falsely satisfy myself on the pretext that in my culture and my religion celibacy is a virtue. I have read a little about the benefits of Brahmacharya many thinkers in India like Swami Vivekananda but it is really difficult to follow in this world.
     
  9. Bemybest

    Bemybest Fapstronaut

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    It has been really difficult for me to develop any kind of habit all my life except brushing my teeth in the morning. Really except for that I don't feel there is anything which I do regularly.
    Please suggest some steps to inculcate long term habits.
     
  10. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    I will do my best in order to give you some examples of how to inculcate some of them into your life. Say for example you want getting exercise (like running or lifting weights) into a habit and get in good shape. If you are not used to running for example but want getting it into a habit, I would suggest not setting too high goals in the beginning but rather step it up a little for every week.
    Although your ultimate goal might be to finish a marathon one day but feel you are out of shape, approach it with baby-steps in the beginning:
    First week, you might only be able to run for 5-6 km every other day. The next week (or week after that), you run 5-6 km every day. And next week you run a little faster, the week after that, you increase your runs to 7-8 km, and so on. By getting adjusted to exercise, you will slowly get more used to it and before you know it, it is your new addiction. Remember that diet and exercise are the two habits (except for NoFap) that will trigger many other good habits further ahead.

    Remember that things go hand in hand so by getting exercise (and diet) into a habit, many other good habits will follow more or less automatically. You just need to get one or two good habits into place in the beginning and you will feel more driven and motivated to incorporate more of them into your own life. I don't know how to explain it but you have to get out of the comfort zone in order to establish good habits into your life.
    It is painful at first (both physically and mentally) but as soon as you are over the worst discomfort, it will go much easier.
     
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  11. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    It is very tough giving an exact guide of how to get over these feelings but keep in mind that they are indeed a sign of you not being at peace with yourself. Because, if you are at peace with yourself, you realize that neediness, loneliness and sexual frustration are indeed self-made constructs that create big obstacles for your personal development and happiness.
    To get started in getting over these constructs, I would suggest meditating and doing tai-chi or some kind of spiritual practice on a daily basis. That will calm your mind and body down while feeling confident and at peace with the current situation. I would also suggest repeating a mantra every morning you wake up. A mantra where you take a deep breath and say you are grateful for what you have in life right now.
    Remember that those feelings mentioned above are what you make them. You can let them control your life or face them and deal with them. It takes a lot of time but you will feel that you get more control over them the longer your NoFap streaks goes and the more you meditate.
     
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  12. KING2019

    KING2019 New Fapstronaut

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    I think than it is your soul that is suffering, our body needs food to survive and TRUST me the soul needs food too, the food that we get from his words that fill the heart with joy and happiness. I don't think that you are prioritizing it at all. I think and strongly believe that life without GOD has NO meaning AT ALL. It is God that gives my life the full meaning, GOD is great and so many times I have been going through tuff times with his help I am always a warrior. I find Gods work everywhere, EVEN on my NoFap journey I always think about the fact that everything that God says is a sin is at the same time bad for us. According to Gods law masturbating is a sin and it is bad for us, porn is a sin, it is bad for us, having sex with women outside of marriage is a sin and guess what people who have/had sex with many women majority do not fell good, they fell empty, and many are depressed some even commit suicide. All of these bad things happen because we are not giving food to the Soul only the body. Jesus said: "For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?"
    If your soul is good you will change and be happy ask Jesus to take over your life and he will.
     
  13. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    Since I began my NoFap-journey last winter and (hopefully) quit masturbation and pornogrpahy for good, I do really start to believe these claims more and more by the day. You probably already know that God says following about masturbation:

    Masturbation usually involves fantasy, visualization, and often pornography. The Bible is very clear as to what God expects of us in these areas of fantasy and lust. It teaches that we must not look lustfully at each other nor should we behave in such a manner as to entice others to lust after us.

    I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust upon a girl. I know full well that the Almighty God sends calamity on those who do. Job 31:1-3 (The Living Bible)

    You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28

    That is why Jesus declared that all who sin become a slave to sin (John 8:34).
     
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  14. Bemybest

    Bemybest Fapstronaut

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    How to be at peace with yourself has been the biggest dilemma in my life.
    I need to study for the next six months. But I am not able to focus my mind on studies due to that loneliness factor. My concentration levels are weak. All I think about is how to get into the pants of a girl. My mind acts like a sex deprived maniac.
    I want rid my mind of these thoughts or find some solution to be at peace with myself. Ultimately, at the end of the day I want to work hard everday and also be happy with myself and my life.
     
  15. EnterMarcus

    EnterMarcus Fapstronaut

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    If its not cause of concern for you its not cause of concern for her.

    I might be reading too deep into this but it sounds as though you're putting women on a pedestal a bit if you're genuinely depressed about it at the end of the day. You may need to first and foremost work on yourself, ask yourself whats important, your accomplishments/goals, your growth, and going forward with yourself. It may seem tantalizing but sex isn't some indefinite act out of your reach and when you do manage whether you hire an escort as everyone's suggesting, you're going to feel no different than you do now as is the case with most late bloomers. Shoot for gratification and satisfaction beyond primal urges my man, reach for those stars.
     
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  16. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    I know what you mean because I was there myself for almost a decade and half. What I learned from it is that being needy about sex and lust (i.e. getting laid ASAP and at almost any cost) is one of the biggest traps you can fall into because it will never lead to anything great in life. You will just dig yourself into a bigger hole than you had to begin with.
    Firstly, because it won't get you anywhere closer to getting laid. Most women can sense that desperation and low confidence in all of your non-verbal cues and you will just find yourself more depressed when you feel like you aren't going anywhere.
    Secondly, by having too much of your thought capacity, drive and motivation engulfed by sexual desires, you lose your drive and motivation to do bigger greater and more fulfilling things. Things that will not only make you grow as a person but that will also give you a better selection of women further ahead. Because, the more fulfilled and less needy you feel, the more attractive you will appear.

    Just because you don't get laid right now, or tomorrow, or next week (or month), it doesn't mean that life is over and you have failed and can't do anything about it. You will only fail if you continue along the same destructive path but by just focusing on self-improvement on a daily basis, you will come closer and closer to success as time goes by.
     
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  17. Jackb97

    Jackb97 Fapstronaut

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    MAYBE an escort will make you less stressed about it and more successful at finding an actual relationship.
     
  18. Bemybest

    Bemybest Fapstronaut

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    Now I have shelved the plan of soliciting an escort on the advice of other members.
     
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  19. Bemybest

    Bemybest Fapstronaut

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    Yesterday , I had slept at around 4 am after partying with my family till 10 pm and then studying intemittently till 3.
    I had planned to get up at 9 as I have an exam on Sunday but couldn't. Then upset because of this fact I slept till 2 pm.
    Now, this makes me feel lazy and low on energy as I haven't been able to work accroding to my plan. I was procrastinating a lot till 3 pm put then somehow I listened to my raitional decision maker and took a bath. Now I have to study but I am confused whether to study at home or go to a library.
    I am really stressed about my exams and also I don't want to procrastinate and end up doing nothing.
    Please help!!!
     
  20. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    It is a much better way to go than soliciting escorts which is not going to do much change (at least not for the better) to be honest. Because if you do, all your previous issues will still remain (guaranteed) even after getting laid as you didn't put in an effort and worked with yourself in the process. Simultaneously, it will take away much of the incentives and motivational force you currently have (and could use) to improve yourself in the future.
    Improving yourself from now on will make you feel much more confident, stronger, self-controlled, and optimistic about your life situation and as soon as you start to reap some of the benefits, it will trigger more positive habits. Just like a snowball that have begun its roll down the hill.
     
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