Virgin at 22

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by olinsky, Oct 30, 2019.

  1. olinsky

    olinsky Fapstronaut

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    So I study at a university and I always hear these guys talking about what a cure girl they met and went home with etc. And here I stand .. 22 year old guy that is still a virgin. I know that I am pretty shy and I don't have the confidence to talk to girl. I am well aware of that. The problem is that I don't even know how to fix that .. People say well go talk to them. HOW? I can barely say hi without sounding like a complete fool. People also tell me .. what's the matter, you are tall,have a car,studying,you are caring, a good listener and all that ... why don't you have a girlfriend. I need to know a way to FIX myself because I feel super lonely without having any relationship. As a matter of fact .. in my 22 year old life I NEVER HAD a relationship .. NEVER. So that makes me super sad,depressed and lonely. I really need help...
     
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  2. cleanliving81

    cleanliving81 Fapstronaut

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    Have you ever considerd these guys to be lying ? That they maybe just saying this to make themsevels look cool and popular and confident. Don't be so hard on yourself
     
  3. Hello Friend

    Hello Friend Fapstronaut

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    Instead of trying to lose your virginity, try to improve yourself(for years) and then, find the real girl you deserve. Just one girl..you know what I mean...
    Virginity is valuable, so don't lose it like that! I know... it's not easy and it shouldn't be! But that's what strong men do!
    Always know that we think more wisely as we grow up.
     
  4. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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    I have to strongly disagree. Virginity in a man is not that valuable as in a woman. The simple reason is that it's their trading card, which has been proven throughout the centuries even today. Women choose men who earn a higher income than them. Even if they are financially successfull they still do it. Very rarely will a woman provide for a man.
    I don't want to go deep into the historical,socio-economical and biological tendencies of difference between men and women. However, let me ask you this:
    For who is it easier to get sex and why?
    For women, undoubtedly. It's because that's what most men want most of the time and very rarely will they say no. However, when you are a man you must prove in a sense that you are a worthy sexual candidate.
    We are in the 21 st century and women have the pill, condoms etc. They can skip the reprecussions of sex which is children so they can have sex more freely without ties and obligations. I general tendency which can be observed is that women waste their young years fucking guys who won't commit to them and then hit the wall at 30 where nobody is willing to commit to them.
    In either case you need to have atleast the social skills to convince a woman to have sex with you even when it is for vain, hedonistic reasons.
    And that's a certain quality. if you don't posses that quality, you won't get sex and therefore you won't reproduce.
    NOW, if you have the social skills to have dates with women and make them commit is a long term relationship and possibly marriage without having sex with them, that's another story. If you can do that my friend, you shouldn't worry. But that's not the case is it? You have deep insecurities and you are anxious around women and can't talk to them, that's a scary thought.
    So NO strong men don't wait out and improve themselves, beacuse guess what you are never perfect.
    Strong men go out and meet women even when they might reject them and form a meaningful relationship with the willing ones.
    I speak this as a virgin, but I know where I sit. I am not trying to bullshit myself that i'm strong, when i'm not.
    I'm a sickly porn addict which masturbates daily and can't talk to women that's the problem here.
    Will i improve, who knows. But no, it's not normal in my opinion and you should take steps to better your communication with women.
    That's my advice which I don't follow! Cheers!
     
  5. Blues017

    Blues017 Fapstronaut

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    Well, I'm 23, virgin and never had a relationship either, I've never even tried to pick up girls as far as I remember.
    I'm a little socially isolated and have my own issues, but in general, I don't have that much problem talking to people, or women.

    Considering my case, what I can say to you from a similar position of inexperience (worked for me) is just practice more. You're nervous around girls probably because you're afraid of rejection and have a distorted idea about them, you're like "hypnotized" by them. It happens to most of us, especially when she's physically attractive, it's intimidating. But you have to get rid of that idea and start seeing them as normal human beings, and the only way is by interacting with them.

    If you're too nervous, you can start small. Talk to your friends, cousins, or any girl you're a little close with, get comfortable with it and then you can go talk to other girls. Just ask them questions about anything, classes, music, what they do or something they like, and then listen, but really listen, get out of your mind and just focus on what they're saying; women like to talk a lot, so it's not that hard.
    Forget about getting a girlfriend for now, just get used to talk to girls in a friendly way, and then maybe you won't be so intimidated by them, and you'll see them as what they really are, just regular people. And that's the first step.
     
  6. w95chris

    w95chris Fapstronaut

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    The problem is that you think by having a relationship everything will change for the better. Or if you start picking up girls and dating/sleeping with them then you'll be fine.
    This is a big mistake and get it out of your head before it is too late. First of all you need to feel good with yourself and the way you are. After that you can begin towards these steps. It is just on the surface that will make you happy. Trust me been there done that and when you look deep down you realize that it's not really this you want but you just feel like you have to be part of this "group"

    Now that we are done with that part, I suggest try and be friendly towards them just that. It is not rocket science. I have been where you stand and got over it. The steps are quite simple. Just talk to them because they are regular people nothing more. Talk to them like you would to a friend, it is not difficult at all. Small steps at a time. You don't have to solve a political issue or have a debate on the first conversation but something small like start with: "How are you today?" and then continue on from there by keeping the conversation afloat
     
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  7. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    Papa Jones is here. No worries.

    YET

    By sounding like a complete fool for the next dozen or so times until you don't sound like a complete fool anymore. We all have to do it. That is one of the hardest parts about being a man. It's not easy, but it's the only way.
    Your friends are trying to support you but you are being stubborn by saying that you can't do it. YOU CAN.

    You need a shock to your routine. Do that which is uncomfortable and over time it will be comfortable. You cannot stagnate your whole life. I'm sure you realize this. Please for the love of God, stop wishing you had women and go out and pursue them.


    Let me give an example. Pretend I said this: "I wish I could do 20 pull ups but I can barely do one right now. I don't even know where to begin. My friends say that I have a good frame and a healthy diet, so there's no excuse that I shouldn't be able to reach my goal. I've never had big arms and I'm 21 years old. This is no way to live."

    How do I proceed? Naturally, we all know that the only way to improve your pull-up count is to do a certain number of sets for as many reps as you can perform, 2-3x per week.

    Now compare this to women. You want a girlfriend but you are not doing anything about it. You haven't jumped up on the bar and tried.

    You only have so much time on this world. There are billions of people on the planet and we are all going to die. So what does it matter if you go up to a girl and ask her out (sounding like a fool) and she rejects you? It matters none. Stop pushing yourself into a corner and staying isolated. Push yourself outward instead. The world is yours man, go out and be free - don't cower in fear anymore! I see these posts every single day on this forum and it irritates me so much that people are suffering for no reason. Please go out and help yourself. I know you can do it so don't lose hope. This is your wake up call! RING RING
     
  8. apimpnamedslickback

    apimpnamedslickback Fapstronaut

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    focus on self improvement and the women will come later
     
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  9. Triplex VII

    Triplex VII Fapstronaut

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    Women are frightening for men, usually. Men judge other men a great deal, but women are divine, in the eyes of a man. Men need women to reproduce, and women are biologically designed to carefully judge men in a number of ways and the result is a matter of mating or not mating. Men are terrified by this. Even I am. A woman looks at you and judges every part of who and what you are simultaneously. Their reasons can be misguided at times, genetic, even arbitrary. But the fact is is that as a man all you will see is that your entire existance can be found to be inadequate.

    Men who are found to be adequate think they are special because they made it past the checklist. And it's no wonder they feel good! I felt great too! But when women put out a lot, or super easily, there is usually a problem with them (but not always). So many times, the men just got in with a girl that wasnt adequate herself and therefore had a crappy check list. So is that worth bragging about? Not at all.....

    Sex is powerful, and emotional, and deeply consequential. It can heal, but also destroy. It's a fire that if introduced at the wrong time to any relationship can mean certain destruction of the entire relationship as a whole. You shouldnt hide behind that as a reason to not have sex, because that is weak. Dont cover for your inadequacy. But also be proud to be smart enough to use sex wisely, and avoid mistakes.

    This is the balance. Make yourself worthy, recognize women will reject you for bad reasons at times without becoming angry at them for it, and use sexuality carefully, for it is a beautiful flame to help or burn. And lastly, dont judge yourself too harshly for being unconfident with women. Just try to work past it if you can. Anyway, most men struggle here. I did too. I just got lucky with my wife is all. Dont sweat it too much.
     
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2019
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  10. Concorde-96

    Concorde-96 Fapstronaut

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    I have your same age and the same problems, I had opportunities with girls but I wasted them, just be patient with your life and at any moment a girl you like will arrive.
     
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  11. Thommas Le

    Thommas Le Fapstronaut

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    I'm 20 and a virgin too:))) Also I've never been in a romantic relationship either. I can talk to girls normally, but I have never had the courage to ask a girl out, let alone taking them home and have sex with them. It's just so hard, I hope that there is a way to it naturally.
     
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  12. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    Better get started. I made a fool of myself before finally getting a girlfriend or two. Now it's your turn bud.
     
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  13. Thommas Le

    Thommas Le Fapstronaut

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    Thanks bro, it's true that the fear of being rejected or getting embarrassed is a big obstacle to overcome
     
  14. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    It's part of the job description of being a man. Really really tough. Women have to give birth. We have to publicly humiliate ourselves repeatedly.
     
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  15. Thommas Le

    Thommas Le Fapstronaut

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    :) :) :)
     
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  16. FellatiousD

    FellatiousD Fapstronaut

    @fapequalsdeath
    Wanting to have sex isn't vain or hedonistic. It's part of who we are. Sex is pleasurable and we seek that pleasure constantly because it is part of our genetic code. There's nothing wrong with that.

    Being strong or weak are phases, not permanent conditions. You can make yourself strong.
    You can learn to talk like women just like your muscles can learn to be strong.
    This is the problem. You complain about the nature of life and then, by the sound of it, you aren't doing anything to improve your situation. You aren't going to grow or improve if you just sit and wait for improvement to happen. You need to push yourself in order to improve. No one will feel bad for you if you don't show that you're trying as hard as you can.
     
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  17. egil

    egil Fapstronaut

    Get the first rejections done with! Go to macdonalds, give the girl there a big corny line of affection! Call a girl you like, tell her so, ask her if she likes to take a walk with you or something! Get that rejection done!!! Not phoning her will not hook you up either! Do it NOW!!! Take your medicine!! It gets easier. And then also less corny.
     
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  18. QuietPanda

    QuietPanda Fapstronaut

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  19. blunt.ever

    blunt.ever Fapstronaut

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    I recommend you do a sport or go to the gym. This will increase your testosterone and self-confidence. You will see that things will change if you leave the comfort zone.
     
  20. QuietPanda

    QuietPanda Fapstronaut

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    As a 39yr old virgin I have to ask who told you that virginity in a male is bad. In my experience the only time I have been made fun of is by people with low self esteem in order to elevate themselves. Having sex does not make you a man. I would say never make a woman your main focus in life instead focus on finding your purpose in life and bettering yourself. I believe once our brain resets from reaching our goals avoiding pmo our confidence will increase allowing us to approach the right woman.
     

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