Virgin at 26...

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/virgin-in-my-30s-am-i-a-loser.125017/

 

That "wall of text" is a surprisingly good read. There is some sense of suspense I had, like, "Is he going to get the girl this time?"

I can relate to this post in some ways. Growing up, I would have a girl that liked me, and I wouldn't like her. I would like this girl, and she wouldn't like me. Now in college, it is the same thing! I would like to encourage you to be proud of sexual purity. I'm a virgin. It isn't a bad thing. If there is one thing I have learned from this site and porn addiction, it is that out-of-control sexual practices are downright bad. Avoiding them is always a good thing.

Also, good luck with coming to the States!

 

I read the whole thing, very interesting story. I was a virgin for a very long time, I'm 32 now. I lost my virginity in 2015, I went down the escort route unfortunately... But i have had sex with real girls since then. It taught me that having sex is not really that big of a deal. The first time is the hardest after that you overcome your mental block of self doubt and then it literally opens the floodgates. You just become self aware its like waking up from a coma that you have been in your whole life. I don't think you need escorts because from what i have read you seem to be able to approach and meet girls in real life.

First work on your trust issues, if you are going to be meeting people you need a healthy mind. And then get your head back in the game, drop the ego and forget about all of this lack of experience talk. Nobody knows you are a virgin unless you tell them so. Sex is a learning experience you and the girl will both learn about each others bodies when you do it.

 

Poland?
Well i can relate to your story, mine got even worse but shit. We struggle together m8

 

I read your whole story. Thanks for sharing.

The only input I have is that I’m a 51yo virgin and no longer care about that issue anymore. It’s not a big deal. I’ve been enjoying life without a woman and can still do so until I die. If one comes along that is the right person, then great. But I’m no longer looking.

 

Yeah I agree with this. Not being g a virgin is over rated.

I once saw a video where a guy said that he'd rather masterbate than have sex. It really put it in perspective for me. The highest experience is the orgasim. Whether you do it in someone or o. The floor, isn't that much different.

I think hugging is amazing. Anyone who doesn't hug another human being and feel their warmth is mission out. At least try to hug someone.

Then I heard.about sex in marriages. Sex is supposed to be a priveledge of marriage but people have made it something akin to "getting your manhood". This is a lie. It is a beautiful thing to marry a girl and give the fiff of your virginity to her and for her to give you hers. That happened for me and its special. I'm not thinking back on the first girl I laid in high school and how she was better than my wife. My wife is all I can compare to. However over time one partner may lose interest in sex. And when this happens, the married man has a harder time, because he can't get any sex from anyone else, he ought not to look at anyone else either. So he has to be strong and learn that love is more important than sex. So the single guys don't have the biggest struggle of all, afterall. There is so much.talk of " I will never get a girl, woe is me, I'm consigned to a life of singleness." Much of the negative talk, desperate conversations, show off egoist behavious or withdrawn "i dont care about my looks and I don't talk to girls anymore" behaviour is why girls stay clear.

Don't try to follow old paths to get girls if it doesn't work for you. Don't try to pick up the one night stand girls and wonder why they leave you. Don't come on too strong so as to scare girls off. Just be a nice guy, get yourself in the limelight...act on stage, be passionate about hobbies, sport, and work and a girl will notice as long as you are mixing in circles where the right girls are.

 

Wt

Wtf that's not a problem I'm 21 virgin

 

Hey man, your life story is really touching. When I read this I instantly know you are a confident person who gets along well with other people. If I understood well you have sometimes issues of keeping things together when things are messed up and not going according to the plan. It is fine, we all have this tendency. What I would suggest is to get yourself as much opportunities that you can which eventually will bring you the right woman.

See, I don't believe in waiting constantly. I believe we have periods where we can wait until the girls will come, especially if we are busy in something else. But if you have time, and you feel prepared to meet a girl, dress up and go to a pub, party, other social event and start speaking to women. It seems that you are clearly good at it so it will not be much of a problem for you. For us, the shy guys, it is much more a struggle just to open the mouth.

Good Luck brother!

 

Hey man, one 26 yr old virgin to another here lmao. This is a very long post, but I hope you will read it, I think it will help a lot with your issues.

It seems to me that your problems are centered on a lack on confidence and sense of purpose/inspiration in your life. This is a common mistake many people make: they make the root of their confidence depend on what other people think of them, and even worse - what women think of them. They focus all of their energy into conforming to the standards of women and generally average/low quality people who make up the bulk of their peers, and they are left with no energy to pursue their own true needs and to do what is best for THEM as free men. You have it all backwards. Confidence is the natural residue of a man who has found for himself meaning and purpose in his life and who tirelessly pursues that purpose to the best of his potential and resources. A man should not primarily derive his confidence from the approval of average people and especially women.

Women as a species fundamentally LACK confidence, this was nature's intent, and is a trivially observable fact. They are naturally and visibly insecure, self loathing, and neurotic. They have a much stronger biological need to seek out attention and approval of others to satisfy their innate lack of confidence, thus they generally focus their full energy into their appearance and social skills(the 2 things that are the most essential to secure a man whose own surplus confidence will balance out her lack thereof, and who will protect/provide for her), and define their entire lives according to what their friends and society are pushing the most loudly on them. All of this stems from the basic fact women biologically depend on being included in groups and having men for confidence and survival. Women are born with lack of propensity for confidence in order to create another strong survival based incentive for them to seek out a mate, just as men are born without the ability to bear children as a strong incentive for them to seek out a female for the survival of their own genes. Once you begin to understand the nature of women, its easy to see how immensely foolish it is for a man to believe he needs women in his life, or their approval, for him to be confident and satisfied with himself. Depending on women for confidence is like asking a morbidly obese cancer patient for diet/health advice.

As men, our confidence naturally comes from brotherhood, good health, and creative work. We desperately need passions, interests, and sense of understanding of our world and purpose in it. Men are instinctively driven to be independent, to build, create, explore, and constantly push the boundaries of our capabilities. We are not designed to be like dogs who need the approval of their masters of how to behave. WE are the ones who have always been, and who should be defining these ideas and standards. There is a reason why almost every significant discovery, invention, and achievement that has ever been accomplished has been done by men, many(if not most) who were not "with" women or who prioritized them. We have incredible, almost limitless potential as men. There is almost no real thing that a man truly needs a woman for other than the procreation of his genes. It's one of the reasons why men can be fertile well into their older age, we are biologically designed to be able to put off women/procreation in order to focus more of our younger, more productive years to working on creating and achieving things instead of spending all of our energy seeking a mate.

This fact should be a huge relief to many of us "virgins" who are in our 20s and 30s. The reality is our sexual marketplace value only increases as we get older, more skilled, wealthier, etc. For women it is the opposite, their SMV peaks in their 20s and then its all downhill from there, thus there is immense pressure for them to find a mate quickly, hence why they focus so much energy on issues relevant to that task such as being socially acceptable(politically correct, trendy) and having high sex appeal. As men we do not have this problem, we can literally put off finding a mate as long until our reproductive organs stop functioning, and we do not have the same survival based needs to include a woman in our life. The overall concept is this:

>confidence is a fundamental prerequisite in order to be happy
>women depend on male and societal approval for both confidence and for survival individually and regarding their future
>men possess natural confidence in themselves (it only needs to be produced through creative work and passion) and do not depend on women for their survival as individuals
>men only depend on women to secure their future genetic survival

Of course I am not saying a man cannot gain or should seek emotional comfort that comes from relationships with women, but these things are unnecessary for achieving true confidence and are secondary to our survival. We have to start with the basics first. Secure basic survival needs, health, and confidence first, not women.


Your solution is this: Find yourself real passions, take care of your basic needs, and only hold yourself to objectively high standards/role models FIRST. The woman problem will cease being a problem by definition to begin with and it will solve itself afterwards anyway.

Spoiler: step 1

1. Find interests and passions that motivate you as a man and channel your creative energy

Spoiler: step 1

This is probably the most important thing. As men, we have a natural tendency and need to absorb ourselves in passions of some sort for us to be productive in. This can be a job/career, hobbies, the pursuit of high art, knowledge, building something just for the sake of it, investing in your community, etc. There are almost limitless options, but one that should be prioritized is to find something your are passionate about and then apply that to your job. This should probably be the first issue you work out. If your career is something you are not passionate about and metaphysically invested in as a man, you NEED to change it. I know that is probably easier said than done, but the good thing is it should not be like trying to find 1 needle in a haystack. We all have several talents and things we can be passionate about, you just need to find one of them and get a job that follows it. A man needs meaningful work, work in and of itself is not good enough to make us happy or confident.

I dealt with this for a while when I was wasting time in college studying different things. My big focus was on subjects with high paying career options and not so much interest, as a result I did poorly and had to drop out ended up wasting a lot of time. To say the least my feelings during that time were very un confident and I felt very empty and purposeless. I eventually decided to get a lower paying career doing something I enjoyed more, so I went to culinary school and now I work in a restaurant. The job is harder than sitting at a desk in the cold AC 8:00-5:00 everyday, but I don't hate it and I'm able to create and enjoy myself a bit.

Find your interests. For me I would have this list to choose from: History, politics, philosophy, firearms, food, culture, architecture, cosmology, wargames, gaming/computing, etc. There's all kinds of careers I could choose with these, like being a teacher, scientist, game developer, game store owner, firearms instructor, gunsmith, chef, food truck guy, etc. Pursuing my interests has played a tremendous role in me finding confidence and purpose as a man despite not having a woman. I always have something positive to engage in focus on whether it's reading, learning, keeping up with the major issues and world around me, training with my firearms/going to the range, cooking new things, etc. The lack of a woman in my life is hardly a thought because I have plenty of other things to invest my energy in.

Spoiler: step 2

2. Take care of your basic needs

Spoiler: step 2

Yes, I know sex/women is a "basic need" but it's certainly the least important. This is counter intuitive only because our brains focus so much energy on securing procreation for survival of our genes. However none of that matters or is possible unless we are alive and healthy first and preferably not succumbing to depression and then killing ourselves...

Your most important basic needs are good health, the ability to be self reliant, and personal interests.

Health is the most important thing here, but do not make the mistake of thinking health is simply defined by body weight and fitness. Health is three dimensional. You need to maintain proper physical, mental, AND spiritual heath. The third is especially important and often the most neglected.

Physical health is pretty self explanatory. Good diet- avoid processed and unnatural foods. You are what you eat. Do not make things like fast food, junk food, pre prepared foods, energy drinks, cigarettes, etc common things your consume. Try to make meals fresh and use organic, wholesome ingredients. A good rule of thumb is if it comes in a can or a box, it is probably not good. This of course is extreme, but it's a good concept to understand. Consuming large amounts of what I listed literally poisons your body and will make you more tired, depressed, and unconfident. Our bodies were not designed to consume all of these unnatural things.

What most people will probably not mention is the absolute need for men to maintain healthy testosterone levels. Testosterone is what literally and biologically makes a man a man and it is extremely directly related to confidence and the ability to attract mates. Your activities and diet largely affect your T levels so you want to avoid foods that contain Estrogen like meat that has been treated with hormones, soy, etc. One of the big reasons why having a career and activities that you are passionate about is crucial is because those things have enormous potential to increase and maintain testosterone. Doing meaningful, creative work, whether it's actually physically working out, mastering a skill, or whatever, builds testosterone in a man and keeps your T levels high. Watching TV, doing drugs, binge drinking, etc does the exact opposite.

I'm no psychologist, but I can confidently state mental well being largely is a result or good physical health and lifestyle. Much like you are what you eat, your mind is defined by what you put into it. This means if you are watching junk TV shows that promote unhealthy and anti social behavior, listening to trashy music, you are filling your mind with trash and it will begin to take on the negative traits of that which you are filling it with. This is where reading good books, watching only TV/movies/videos online that have a positive message(note this doesn't mean the movies can't have negative themes like war/violence/drug use, but that they should not be promoting these things as positive and glorifying them), listening to uplifting and positive music, etc is helpful.

Avoiding drugs is obvious enough, and I would also say this includes things like opiates/anti depressants. In order to avoid depression the answer is to strike at the root cause and have things in your life that fulfill you, not to depend of chemicals and artificial "solutions" that only introduce 5 more problems after covering up the first.
Lastly social engagement is definitely important. It's important to foster a healthy relationship with one's family, quality friends(more on that later), and engage with other people in some way even if its just online at places like this. Extreme solitude and alienation are almost always fundamental causes behind individuals going "insane" and then either killing themselves or others, or just becoming hopelessly depressed.


Now spiritual health is the certainly the least understood of all. You do not have to be "religious" in order to possess good spiritual heath but it definitely helps to be. I myself am a Christian, Catholic to be specific but unlike many from my community I do not reject nor deny the wisdom and truth to be found in other religions. In fact, when you examine most of the major religions it's easy to see they all almost exist for the same purposes and are seeking the same goals: enlightenment, self improvement, and understanding the struggle between order and chaos. What you HAVE to have is a life philosophy and an understanding of your existence, what purpose it has, and what it should be directed to. We are taught all kinds of information: mathematics, science, how things work, how to do a certain job, whatever. None of this has any meaning on its own and they are doomed to not satisfy us on their own. Our lives and world do not just exist in a bubble. Everything has a reason for being the way it is and a purpose for existing, and either continuing to exist or being necessarily opposed and destroyed. It is our responsibility to discover the "whys" of our lives and then direct our actions accordingly.

Regardless of how that is done, it is vital that we do so otherwise we are doomed to succumb to nihilism and become slaves to materialism and our basic instincts/urges. You need to discover and define a higher purpose for your life beyond just existing: getting up, going to work to make a bunch of fake money that is literally only worth the paper its printed on, and then consuming on sex/alcohol/entertainment/etc. only to have to repeat the process again. Having interests that you are passionate about is a great thing to help create a purpose for yourself, whether that's bodybuilding, writing a novel, doing some kind of project. etc. Family, and by extension, nation, in and of itself is a meaningful thing to devote the self to. This could be taking care of your family members or your own children/wife. Love of family and nation is why many men join the military and dedicate much of their life to it.

My life philosophy is quite simple but effective: "We must secure the existence of our People and a future for our children." This has essentially been the driving principle of civilization for thousands of years and generations, each generation dedicating itself to preserving its traditions and the works of its hands with the goal of passing it down to the next and leaving them a better world, if only just a little, to live and prosper in. This millennia old trend was shattered (at least in the West) in the 1960s with the rise of mass consumerism, drugs/sex culture , and the overall collapse of the family and reduced role of religion in public life. We have all inherited a world that has been stripped of meaning and purpose and we have largely been reduced to an animal like state where all we seek is to satisfy our immediate urges while paying no attention to higher things. The only way for any of us to regain our spirituality and sanity that has been denied to us from the world today is to begin rediscovering that we are part of something greater than ourselves and that there is more to life than just consuming.

Pursue knowledge and spiritual enlightenment that you can use to form a life philosophy, then shape your actions and goals around fulfilling that philosophy. For me it's like this: in order to secure the existence of my people, I need to create a world and a country that is a positive and healthy environment for them to exist and grow in. That means fixing all of the nonsense, doing everything possible to bring all the excess, alienation, chaos etc back in to balance. Doing what I can to restore families and traditions that once made our world whole and lives meaningful. How can I do this? Well there are infinite ways, but the most obvious is to lead by example. I can start by improving myself, getting all my affairs sorted out, and then having a family of my own and raising them properly. Doing that means making changes to my life and building disciplines like eliminating PMO, building my career, developing skills and good habits, and getting more involved in my community. Whatever it is I'm doing in my life, I try to make it something that is advancing this purpose. I can tell you personally, it is the most liberating experience I've ever had. It's an enormous relief to know that wherever I am, I know why I'm there, Where I come from, I know why I'm doing it for, and I know where I am going in the future. Things like needing women, drugs, drinking, wealth/power/status items. etc no longer are a priority or obsession when I have this perspective.


Along with health, you need to develop a sense of self reliance. A proper, confident man should be able to secure for himself what he needs and not depend on the emotional whims of women or of his fellow man. Financial independence is key(which is largely related to and dependent on getting a good and fulfilling job), hobbies for entertainment and character building, securing a home/food for yourself, etc are things you need to get taken care of first and foremost before making women a primary goal. Even if you have all the women you could want, you will not be free or happy as a man without these things first.

Spoiler: step 3

3. Hold yourself to objectively high standards

Spoiler: step 3

When I say you should not depend on the approval of others for confidence, of course I don't mean other people don't matter at all. What does matter is that they are the best people, people of high personal and moral standards who will be a positive influence on yourself and will motivate you to be better instead of sink to the lower level of individuals of average/poor character. Just like you are what you eat, you "are who you hang out with" and I would add to that , you are the role models you choose for yourself.

This means you need to find real and strong role models. Sports stars (unless your goal is to become a professional athlete), many rich/powerful people, and especially TV stars and celebrities are objectively TERRIBLE and artificial role models who have unfortunately been heavily promoted to us. If you want to know if someone is a positive role model, look at what they are doing, not what they are saying. Look at their lives and how they conform to their stated moral principles. The vast majority of the "role models" I have listed are liars and frauds. They are wealthy and powerful, but many are drug addicts, are psychologically unstable, and profoundly unhappy. They are "good looking" but only because they spend millions on fashion items, cosmetics, artificial procedures, and have entire teams of people using advanced equipment and techniques to take their pictures and doctor them. They enjoy lecturing their fans about love and relationships, yet they are almost all serial cheaters and divorcees.

You will find infinitely better role models in people as simple as family members, parents (if you're fortunate to have good ones), teachers/mentors, soldiers, police, etc. Even better is the fact they do not have to be alive. You can find some of the best role models in historical figures, great writers, philosophers, religious gurus, and pioneers. The main point is, aim high not low. Find the people who are the best at whatever it is you look up to them for and learn from them.


Besides role models of course friends are important and need to be of high standard as well. This is a extremely common mistake many people fall in to. When it comes to friends quality is infinitely superior to quantity, and it should be sought above all. Just one true and honest friend of good character who will motivate you to become a better person is worth more than 100 fake friends who force you to sink to their level and make you pick up bad habits or just stagnate and never improve. Instead of worrying about whether you have a lot of friends, just focus on trying to first make 1 or two TRUE friends, the kind of people you could share your deepest secrets to and who you would take a bullet for - and I'm not kidding about that last part. I think this should be the gold standard of what defines a real friend(and worthy woman/girlfriend). I can freely admit I only have a few friends, but these are people of excellent quality who I can count on and are a genuinely positive influence in my life rather than a nuisance. These kinds of friends don't necessarily have to be ideologically identical to you, but they should possess(or are at least also trying to build) the kinds of qualities that you yourself are striving for. If you surround yourself with people with no ambition or purpose they will suck the purpose out of you and you will become more like them.

And last of all it's good to have ideals and high goals to measure yourself up to and direct your energy towards. All of these things are impossible to have in perfection, but it is very important to have them for inspiration and perspective. Things like:

Intelligence/enlightenment
good physical health
high standards of beauty
moral principles
having a sense of responsiblity
freedom
love

This ended up being a very, very long post and understanding all of these things and putting it to action is no task that can be done all at once. Just take it a step and piece at time. I would say what is most important to get down first is developing a strong personal philosophy and finding things to be passionate and interested in that will improve yourself and work to bring out natural confidence in yourself. Once you have confidence you have the power to do almost anything as a man.

 

Well I was a virgin until last week (29, one month from being 30) and all I can tell you, I Have a Problem, is that sex will not solve any "problems" you may have.

You seem to have no problem making friends so maybe you could confide in them? You honestly shouldn't be so hard on yourself, life gives us so much shit to deal with already. We have to find happiness in the small stuff to make it through.

I personally have learned that rejection is a part of life. But it is all worth it when someone finally says "yes". Just push through it you will find someone; just learn to enjoy their company first. Again, sex is not a "cure-all", it feels good but that feeling is not permanent nor will it change you.

 

Hey man, there you go, it seems like you are someone who did not give up despite the difficulties thrown at you by life. Good Job!

 

"I have a problem" don't worry man you will be just fine, just keep on doing what you are doing and don't give up!

 

Why thank you, Helpless! It's easier once you realise that,for the most part, people will only do things to serve themselves and that there is a difference between being nice and being genuine. You'll care less so you will get hurt less and can focus what makes YOU happy!

 

Hi.
It's nothing wrong if you're virgin in age 26. I'm 27 and have the same situation. Additionally I've never had a girlfriend.
Once in the past I had the same problem. I was isolated withing my room with PC. Whole days were large internet surfing. I've started to change my life and here I am.

From what I see, the most important problem is other people's judge. In my company a lot of people know I'm virgin and everyone laugh on me if someone mention it again. It's normal. You know what? They're saying that because it's only thing they can accuse me. I'm healthy, fit guy with uncommon amount of knowledge. I'm also good in drawing and operating English language (I'm Polish).
Most of people from opposite are fat guys drinking beer in the front of TV (younger-one's are facebook addicts) . The rabble. You know what I'm doing in that case?
Laughing with them. Literally. The worst thing you can do is became shamed. Never do this.

Try to develop "vision" of yourself. In my example it's something similar to nazi superhuman.
I'm learning and excercising to be better than others. To be better than all those who laughing at me. It works- trust me. If you're concentrate on something and others living "normal life" (drinking, watching TV, partying and so on) you'll outmatch them. The best thing is than someday they'll see that- or their girlfriends.

You know what my colleague said to me when we've quarelled about his big stomach (because of fast-food and beer)? "The fat people usally are happier than people like you. You should be like others and not doing your stupid, expendable things". He didn't say that I'm skinny, ugly, or stupid in terms of knowledge. He said I'm stupid because people around doing different, casual things.
Never listen to other people complains about you. It's your life and as long as you're doing healthy and worthy things everything is OK.

As someone above said: If you're spending time in the front of PC- do something creative. Not spend all your free time in your room. Start cycling - I'm cycling alone because lot of my colleagues doesn't like physical activity of this kind (by the way, I wouldn't like to cycle with them- I like to think about things when I'm alone).
Start to read or practice some kind of art. There are lot of things to do.

Never give up and make small steps ahead. I wish you luck!