Virgin in my 30's: Am I a loser ?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by bra131217, Aug 27, 2017.

Do you think I am a loser for being a virgin at 31

This poll will close on Aug 27, 2027 at 3:26 AM.
  1. Yes

    46 vote(s)
  2. No

    452 vote(s)
  1. Wazzai

    Wazzai Fapstronaut

    Complete, utter, short sited, close minded, childish bullshit.

    The virginity losing. Not the rest of the reply, that was fair advice.
    Deleted Account and Clean Plate like this.
  2. You do realize if he rushes losing his virginity, it would make him feel worse? I've tried that in the past and just knowing I'm rushing it, it becomes a major turnoff
    Clean Plate likes this.
  3. Just because a woman has an intact hymen does not mean she's a virgin. It's a myth
  4. I don't think it's that big of a deal. With all the diseases going around I would rather not have that active of a sex life unless your in a relationship of course.
    Deleted Account and SilentJay313 like this.
  5. Mattsfreedom

    Mattsfreedom Fapstronaut

    So who's the 11.9%? It seems like those girls have problems of there own. Making love and having sex is two different things. Which one do you want?
  6. I was a virgin until a few weeks ago. I'm 23, and I honestly have to say I fucking hated being a virgin. I never got picked on for it, but people definitely wondered about it and I always felt so left out if someone started talking about sex. After losing it, I can say that the main thing about it is just having that weight lifted off of you because the sad truth is, most people think it's weird if you're still a virgin after 20+, which doesn't really fucking matter because who gives a shit what they think? Those girls that laughed at you are probably nasty as fuck and have a bag of shit for a soul. You dodged a bullet there buddy. Most girls probably won't care that you're a virgin if they truly like you and aren't complete scumbags. Being 31 and a virgin truly doesn't make you a fucking loser. That's just stupid. Most girls will probably wonder about it though, not gonna lie. Doesn't mean it's a deal breaker, but just keep looking and you'll find a girl that likes you for you. The girl I slept with knew I was a virgin and she really didn't give a shit. Just try to be confident about yourself, which is easier said than done. Girls love that shit, at least so I've noticed. Another thing, if you really want to lose your virginity, you can. If you go out and talk to enough girls, you WILL find one that finds you attractive and doesn't care about your virginity. You just gotta keep going for it.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. P.S. Daniel

    P.S. Daniel Fapstronaut

    A loser is someone who gave up the desire to follow his dreams. If your dream is to not be a virgin then you have to rise your standards my friend. Stay strong!

  8. Clean Plate

    Clean Plate Fapstronaut

    I'm catching up to you (im a 24 year old virgin). I too am looking for that "special" someone. I was raised in the country, away from the city and the "lose your virginity fast" "culture". Its kind of sad now that I think about it, because of giving in to your "primal urges" without being able to control them is how being unfaithful is introduced into relationships. My "culture" was my mom and dad being faithful unconditionaly, I guess you really are a "product of your environment" until you see past all the bullshit (bullshit cultures). I accept that im a virgin and any girl I meet , I will have this "i am who i am, take it or leave it" mentality if she leaves it, so what! On to the next one (girl). Im going to be 100% authentic and true to my self. Im not going to act by what you think I should act. Do what feels true to you brother, thats all that matters in the end.
  9. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut

    Look, theres a huge social pressure to assume that being a virgin means somethings wrong with you, clearly not everyone gets that chance early on in life, and when time passes it becomes more difficult, since you yourself judge who you are, and carry the label of virgin everywhere you go.

    This is my advice...

    Dont ever bring up youre a virgin when you meet a woman, just focus on getting to know her, to be friends, hang out, share good moments together.

    In time if you're both comfortable with each other and become closer, then find the courage to make the first move on her, not all the way to home base, but go step by step, it all starts with a kiss.

    If she seems ready and eager to go all the way it means she really likes you, only then you can bring the virgin card, but dont use the word virgin, it implies you put sex over a pedestal and it makes it look like a huge deal, if your virginity is not some sacred thing youre keeping for a future wife, just say you are not very experienced in bed, and its been a long time since youve done anything.

    At least this wont freak her out and she will be delighted to take charge and show you how.

    And just relax and let it happen, enjoy the moment and dont make it a big deal in front of her, just keep those feelings to yourself, unfortunately with women less is more and more is less, the less you say about yourself the more she wants you. Trust me on this one.
    grandstand 1 likes this.
  10. Swissgirl

    Swissgirl Fapstronaut

    I don’t think you are a looser. But why don’t you go out and fuck once at least?
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. shakywarrior

    shakywarrior Fapstronaut

    In some ways, I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm a "loser". Only because as "loser" is a relative term to a "winner" which is defined by cultural standards. By those standards, I have in some ways matched up in the past, but matching myself to those standards has been an exhausting endeavor.

    I lost my virginity at 19 to an unstable "friend with benefits" who ended up lying about her exclusivity because of her own internal complexes. This experience led to bring my own understanding of a functional relationship into question, and since we were having sex so often, I was affected on a subconscious level. To this day, I am rearranging my perceptions of sex on a moment to moment basis, realizing that it's not a cure for dissatisfaction with your life. As soon as you start having it, it loses its value. What does that say about it's true nature? The perceived value of sex is merely a function of your ego. So you don't ever need sex to be truly satisfied. Your ego uses sex to satisfy itself in a temporary way. As soon as you are done having sex, your ego will come up with some other "need" for you to fulfill. Chasing things beyond your control is the cycle that your mind uses to control your experience. You can never be happy unless you end up with enough of these things that your mind decides that it needs. I know from experience that these "needs" feel overwhelming until you finally capture what you were looking for. Once it is captured it looks for something else to crave. This craving leads to dissatisfaction which has lost me the thing that I originally craved in the first place. Then I am overcome with loss and I realize that this dissatisfaction is a never ending cycle. Only thing you can do is accept reality, don't try to be someone you are not, and be happy. (And happy doesn't have to mean fucking 100 bitches while skydiving on an island)
  12. I know exactly what you mean. I always thought my first time would be life-changing and that it would bring me pure happiness. God was I wrong. After I first had sex, I was full of anxiety. I mean, I enjoyed it at the time, but afterwards I just felt so fucking empty. I realized that sex doesn't make you truly happy, especially if it's just meaningless sex. I was even depressed, even when I knew I would be meeting a girl and might hook up with her, which I did. I just woke up the next morning feeling kinda... hollow. Maybe I'm still getting used to all these new feelings. I want to find a girl that I actually feel something for, but I don't wanna get hurt. I'm afraid to find a girl and actually develop a lot of feelings for her, just to be let down in the future and feel worse than I did before I got with her.
  13. shakywarrior

    shakywarrior Fapstronaut

    It's good that you see this as a possibility, but the only thing that can hurt you is your attachment to your expectations of how the relationship "should" go. I have been "hurt" much worse since my first encounter, and I'm still progressing along the noble path of healing. If you remain conscious throughout your entire experience that you share with another person, you can see it for what it is, which is just a series of passing moments in the continual evolution of what culminates to your present reality. If you lose sight of this and get lost in the sensations of sex and love (which is soooooo easy to do) you will find yourself craving them all the time whether she is there or not. If something happens at that point and she is no longer there, you will feel a deep sense of "hurt" only if you are craving a sensation that you perceived in the past. Otherwise, you will be able to accept the current reality as it is. Of course this is easier said than done, but you can at least seek out and enter your next relationship without fear, knowing that another person cannot fundamentally hurt you.

    This is something that I wrestle with on a moment to moment basis, but as I practice staying present with the wisdom I have gained, it gets easier and easier to let everything go and just be.
  14. Well when do you know it's true love? If it even exists. I like to think it exists, but I'm really not sure.
  15. shakywarrior

    shakywarrior Fapstronaut

    What do you mean by true love? I'm not sure how to answer your question because I don't really know shit about love, but I'm not sure that anyone really does. However, in my experience, true love is a moment to moment endeavor. What can be true love in one moment, is something completely different in the next.
  16. No way! Meaningless sex is not an act of love.
  17. I don't know shit about love either. I just don't know if it actually exists or it's just a chemical reaction. I know lots of people who get with a guy or girl and they think they're in love, but then 6 months to a year they're fucking sick of each other. I guess I'm just wondering if that's how it always is, or if something like true love exists.
  18. shakywarrior

    shakywarrior Fapstronaut

    Probably not in the way that you're thinking about it. Our feelings are constantly evolving. True love is maybe just the ability to see past that in order to stay with someone.
  19. Maybe. Well that's depressing.
  20. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

    no bro, sex is always an act of love. Some people scared of sex and love invented the "meaningless sex" to protect themselves, so they can stay away from it as long as possible (like a 30 years old virgin).

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