Virgin overcoming sexual performance anxiety

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by red5, Sep 21, 2017.

  1. red5

    red5 Fapstronaut

    Hello, I'm a 28yrs old male. Thank you for taking the time of reading my story, I'll try to put it in short words.

    I'm virgin and tried to lose it twice using escort services, failing due to performance anxiety. During my younger years after a hard heart break with my crush I focused myself to online gaming, studies and work, never really caring much about the social and sexual aspect of my life. I started to abuse from porn and masturbation without knowing the damage I was doing to myself. After I graduated I quit online gaming to focus on my career, I discovered in my workplace I had very huge social anxiety problems which I was able to over come with time. I kept working and progressing in my career, everything was going fine and just like that around my mid 25s I met this great girl which I started to date but I couldn't escalate things due to my fear of failing in bed, since I never had any experience in bed. Our short relation ship ended and short after, one night I was really drunk I thought this couldn't happen again and I was tired of being a virgin so I just decided to try with an escort. That same night by the time our encounter came I couldn't get an erection, I really felt bad about it and I blamed the excess of alcohol in my blood for it, yet I kept watching hardcore porn and masturbating, just to prove my self my mojo still worked. Years passed and yesterday (20 sep 2017) in a desperate attempt to lose it again I met with another escort, a really sexy girl. We met in a motel room, I wasn't drunk this time and even I was able to get an erection minutes before when she wasn't in the room... but by the time she arrived everything was so awkward and I could't get hard. This was the trigger for me and I realized I had to work in my inner issues, such as solving the problem from the root.

    I realized that sex is something natural that is not only based on physics but love and caring (at least for me). It felt really awkward with the escort, I wanted to do it but I couldn't. I was so nervous and I quickly realized that I'd probably never had this problem if I I hadn't abused on porn and masturbation, since I feel it kind of messed up my brain and I can't get hard if is not through PM by myself alone.

    I'm really exited to commit with the NOFAP challenge, and overcome this issue. I want to enjoy a healthier sexual life and I think this is the first step. I've been seeing a girl for 3 months that really seems to enjoy my company, we transitioned from friendship to "something else" in a very effortless way by kissing and getting more caring about each other. I want to be ready if we get intimate. Nevertheless she is not the full reason to start my journey, I just want to fix this aspect of my life for me and to have the chance to experience the joys of a normal sexual life.
  2. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

    Welcome! I'm glad you're here.

    I'm a lot older, and my beliefs and values may be substantially different from yours, so...making allowances for all that, here's my thought on what you shared. I believe no one should be shamed in any way about being a virgin. I know that in our society, there's this expectation that someone has "lost" his or her virginity by the time s/he is an adult, so as one gets older, it becomes something embarrassing or awkward. But you know, that whole mindset could be wrong! I believe it is.

    I'm a virgin, and that's the way it's likely to be, because I don't expect to marry at my stage in life. Sure, I could go out and find someone to have sex with, but to what end, if I'm not going to have an ongoing relationship? That doesn't make any sense to me, but that's me. I'm not trying to convince you of anything, so much as to give another perspective. I hope it helps is all.

    Anyway, best wishes and keep coming back!

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