Virgin / Social Anxiety

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by James90, Mar 19, 2018.

  1. James90

    James90 Fapstronaut

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    hi guys, I’m 20 years old and still a virgin. I have yet to have my first kiss to. People have told me I am good looking but yet I still don’t have a girlfriend.

    My twin brother has a gf and I don’t. Sometimes when I’m hanging out with my twin brother and my friend (who also has a gf) they both talk about their girlfriends in front of me and I just stand there silent as I can’t contribute to the conversation/relate.

    I would say I’ve had opportunities in the past to have one but I believe my social anxiety is hindering my ability to have one. I’m finishing my third year of uni in which I commute to school from home. I feel like since I’m commuting I don’t have time to meet someone at university as I go to my classes and then go home. I would consider joining clubs but my social anxiety is what stops me as I don’t want to come off as a creep when I stutter talking etc.

    Being a virgin really bothers me and it’s something I want to get over with.
     
  2. I think we all started out as virgins, and some on here still are. I'd like to tell you that you're okay, there's nothing wrong with you, and it will happen at some point. If you're smart enough and controlled enough, you might even lose your virginity to someone you don't dislike, who kissed you not an hour beforehand after playing headgames with you for weeks, being hot and cold...

    Sorry, that came out wrong.

    I doubt I could offer anything more on dealing with anxiety on here that hasn't been handled a lot better by those more erudite and with far deeper issues than I. I'm going to give the same advice that most people here will give; try NoFap, see what you can do, see what changes happen within you as time goes on and understand that this is a community of support.

    I look forward to reading of your journey.
     
    Iahim, VeganRights and James90 like this.
  3. xeon1993

    xeon1993 Fapstronaut

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    Hi James90. You are not creep or weirdo. I am close to your age and in the same position. And I don't feel that way. Yeah, most of the time it feels lonely. I have been in one really short relationship years ago (we kissed and stuff, and I just didn't feel I need to get more physicial with her, and I am glad I did, because later on she seemed like a totally wrong person for me to handle mentally), in which I made so many mistakes.

    Stick to NoFap and try to find part time job related to social interactions, like restaurant; shop; whatever. The more social interactions and physicial works there would be, the better. Find a way to block your free time with being so into your mind. And this is a good way.

    If you really consider yourself good looking, then it will be just a matter of time till you find someone. Don't classify yourself in that way you wrote. Love yourself (in proper way, lol). Be nice, be gentle, always listen to what others say with deep interest. Respond the same way. Grow as a person. No rush. And you will feel when you are ready to jump in.

    Best of luck man!
     
  4. WhoCares101

    WhoCares101 Fapstronaut

    Hello my friend. I am unsure is this advise will help but I will say this, don' waste time worrying about being a virgin because it will only lead to more wasted time. I know this from personal experience, I was until only 3 weeks ago a 32 year old virgin who wasted a lot of time worrying about so many things and not moving forward. I am now happy with my girlfriend and happy I lost my virginity to such an understanding woman, she is amazing. I have crippling social anxiety, introvert and body issues, all issues that I let cripple me for too long. Don' let your issues cripple you, go out, start small and talk to women. Don't worry about being a virgin, she won't care and just slowly get out of your comfort zone because that is where life starts my friend. Don't waste anymore time, because you won' get that time back. Good luck and if you want anymore advice message me.
     
  5. that's a false story you tell yourself I know I have been there , I will tell you my number 1 secret it is WOMEN THAT LIKE YOU LIKE YOU AS YOU ARE , if a women likes you they don't care if you shy don't have the most funny or interesting things to say, your job if your short ,tall, bald have glasses etc, the only thing you have to do is approach and ask them out its not that complicated stop overthinking this, if a women doesn't like you it doesn't matter how cool or rich or important you try to act they just don't , remember this women that like you make it easy they will give you there number with ease go out and meet you on time and you don't have to sit there acting like an actor trying to get them to like you because its already there , YOU JUST HAVE TO BE YOU 100% YOU
    GOOD LUCK I KNOW YOU WILL DO IT
     
  6. Look being a virgin is not a bad thing, I know that society want you boned a lady so it's can be acceptable but there's lied the problem, if you doing because everyone/society is making you then it's not a good reason to do, I know you are coming from the bottom of my heart I do understand but let it go natural.
     
    James90 likes this.
  7. Peyton1995

    Peyton1995 Fapstronaut

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    Im in the same spot. I think staying away from toxic people who make you feel low is key to not letting it affect your life. My “friends” and roommates kept bringing it up and made me feel depressed so I’ve stopped hanging out with them and plan on going to grad school out of state so I can meet new people. I’m not saying don’t hang out with your brother or anything like that but if that topic comes up just try removing yourself from that situation so you can take your mind off of it
     
  8. Lonewolfpt

    Lonewolfpt Fapstronaut

    [email protected]

    You are so, so right man. What is difficult is finding the one that will love you for what you are. But if you do, it's beautiful
     
    James90 likes this.
  9. James90

    James90 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for all the responses guys, really appreciate it!

    I’ve never approached a girl before as my social anxiety gets in the way.

    A few years ago this girl liked me and I liked her, we went on dates but it ended up not working out, and ever since then I’m somewhat afraid to love again as I was heartbroken and afraid of it happening again!

    Two questions, how do I lessen my social anxiety and how can I love again without being afraid of being heart broken.

    Thanks guys
     
  10. Out of the Furnace

    Out of the Furnace Fapstronaut

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    i´m nearly 25 and i lost my virginity about 5 months ago. now, i´m not with that girl anymore and i gotta say i even regret that i did sleep with her because she wasn´t the understanding and nice woman who i should have slept with for my first time. also what i gotta say is i didn´t even rush it, when i was with her it was her asking about doing it, and that was maybe after a month. i think most of this is related to my PMO problems over the years. i wasn´t even interested in having sex.

    what i´m saying is, you don´t need to rush it, in the end you will regret who you slept with. just because society and your friends tell you that you shouldn´t be a virgin at a certain age doesn´t mean they are right. i´ve had the same thoughts once but i asked myself why it´s so important afterall. it´s some stupid thing implemented in your brain. think about it.

    anxiety will go away when you are on a longer PMO streak, about 2 weeks maybe more. nothing can save you from being heartbroken, you´ll get used to it and get over it. do you think i´ve been over it yet even though it was 2 months ago? no, its even the thing i´m relapsing too. when your anxiety has passed try to meet new people.
     
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  11. Hey [email protected]
    Its never easy but its worth the effort its draining to be around women that don't like you as you are , by the way I like the David Goggins photo I listen to him on youtube a lot he is one tough dude
     
  12. Theultimatefighter_21

    Theultimatefighter_21 Fapstronaut

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    In our society, being a virgin male with more than 18 is something depreciated, but you must realize that losing your virginity will not change anything on you, you'll not become smarter or stronger, won't become rich or something, so, stick to this goal and keep going! Meet new people, stop strangers at the streets, ask "what time is it?", say "good morning" to someone that crosses ways with or something, it's a nice exercise to your social anxiety, do it and it will slowly go away.
     
  13. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    You're placing more importance on the fear rather than on what you want. If you were hungry, had no food, and needed to go grocery shopping, but you're too lazy or shy... will you just choose starvation?

    It might happen again and it might not happen again. Outcomes are uncertain. It's a risk.

    Don't get attached to someone, you might get hurt = Don't live, you might die.

    If you place yourself in a bubble where you never experience pain, problems, and negative experiences, then you will also limit the pleasure, solutions, and positive experiences of your life. For most people on this forum, that bubble is porn and masturbation.

    If you want something more for your reality, then you have to face and experience the negative.

    Your fear of heartbreak and social anxiety is basically you being overly cautious / excessive carefulness / placing too much importance on the uncertain outcome. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/stuck-in-your-head.163225/
     
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  14. Miguel Rocha

    Miguel Rocha Fapstronaut

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  15. Areyen01

    Areyen01 Fapstronaut

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    Sounds so much like me. I've been struggling with social anxiety since 2013. I don't know how it developed in the first place. I was never an extrovert though. Now I dont even have friends in my university. Looking forward to join workforce, I might be able to make friends.
     
  16. Your never going to avoid the wrong women all together but as you date you see the bad traits coming up and know to get away from them faster and not waste your time and attention ,wisdom has a price sometimes you have a lot of 1 or 2 dates with the wrong people before you find someone that you like its all a numbers game
     
    ClearAsMud(Al) likes this.
  17. john27

    john27 Fapstronaut

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    You can choose to look at it the other way. You can't miss what you never had.

    I've had sex with three girls in my life, two of them I was madly in love with. Sometimes I wish it had never happened because the memories of what I will probably never experience again are killing me.
     
  18. Hmm. i'm reluctant to say this and i'm a little drunk but hey ho.. my first real drive towards getting a date came after not looking at porn for a few weeks. it was a novelty and i knew i couldn't keep it up indefinitely. However, at the time found nofap (imagine you at my age) and a bunch of guys taking this shit seriously. I found a site that gave advice on attraction and continued to read up on that kind of thing. I got positive (perhaps i got lucky on a wave of positivity) but i met my gf against all odds (because of my social anxiety).
    The force was no P, the the momentum was finding nofap and other material and pro-actively riding the wave and a bit of luck.
     
  19. Unloading sad stories of our virginity, huh?

    Please, let me join.

    I was 19 years old at university, and had never had a girlfriend or been kissed. I had a social group that was predominately female, although I'd drifted into that unpleasant area of being considered a 'friend'. I didn't mind that so much, but I really would have liked it if one of them had tried to set me up with one of their friends. Towards the end of the first semester, the oldest and dullest of them was getting kicked out of university, and she started flirting with me. Of course, I had no idea about any of this. We hung out a bit, she was depressed and ended up sleeping with me about an hour after my first kiss (that REALLY hurt). I didn't like her, but hey, female attention was enough to keep me rigid for hours.

    She moved away, we had a long distance relationship for about 6 months, then a few days after my birthday she lets me know that she's seeing someone else and doesn't love me anymore.

    I now have a pattern where women dump me around my birthday. It's a thing, y'know.

    My advice; make sure it's with someone you like and respect, take it slow, be open and honest.
     
  20. hentaiaddict1

    hentaiaddict1 New Fapstronaut

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    im 28, a virgin with an antisocial personality, depression, and somewhat unrealistic expectations out of life. i know i have problems, but im not sure how to stop them other than maybe talking about them. i need to consistently do so though...
     

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