Voyeurism

This is a porn substitute for you. Watching intentionally at girls, even clothed is like a porn for you. I think you should reconsider rule of counting soberity days.

 

I did not wanted to offend you, mate. The numbers does not mater, what is matter is that you need to abstain from that behaviour and treat it exactly like addiction. No one will take you effects of your journey, but no one, except you can push it to the end. I suggest also to limit social media and other similar stuff - our brains sometimes treat lurking like a consolation prize.

 

I would agree with this. It's seeking behavior, no matter if it's Instagram thots, stalking facebook, focusing on women in real life, or fantasizing about it.

It's like 5/10 porn, it's the same mechanism.

 

No. There is difference between brief look and greedy seeking of dopamine. I think you understand it. And not everybody needs a reboot - but porn addicts do.

 

What you need a reboot from is this destructive habit of voyeurism. Women feel seriously harassed if they notice you. You may cause anxiety attacks on their part. It is really not a trivial matter and bordering on the criminal. Maybe keeping that in mind will stop your voyeurism. Women here have discussed these matters, I encourage you to look at these threads and also read articles about sexual harassment. I recently watched one on Australian SBS. It made me realise the mistakes that I have made and that I should never look at a woman in a public place.

Ogling women is not a good porn substitute, it is even worse. Just stay away from doing that just like you do with porn.

I see that you have identified the problem and are willing to work on it. I wish more men would be like you.

 

Sorry if I sounded patronising and aggressive. My point was to shock you so every time you are tempted to do the wrong thing you will be thinking about how wrong it is to the woman.

The show is called: "Is Australia Sexist?"

What can you do? I guess not much more than to remind yourself all the time that your behaviour is wrong and has to be avoided. I know this is harder than not clicking on a porn video, because we are all surrounded by women and would like to enjoy a peek.

 

Reset means resetting your day counter if you did any P/M/O. Reboot means retraining your brain to become normal and not addicted to PMO. It may take multiple resets to achieve a reboot. Hope that helps

 

hey bro -thanks for sharing about your journey and your courage for being so transparent.

I like to put a positive spin on this - you were able to abstain from porn for 24 days and the same skills and mental control you used, can be applied to this new found challenge of the window watching.

I don't think you should necessarily reset your counter (unless you feel you should) because you were not aware of the rules of the game - and you did follow what you had set to do which is avoiding porn, masturbation and orgasm.

Now that you are aware of this behavior as porn like behavior, you can simply STOP it just like you did with PMO and make a decision that if you do not stop it you will have to reset your counter as well because then it is an act of self-indulgence while you are aware of its negative effect on your mind and possibility others.

I also love to suggest - you increase your self control by becoming more conscious that you are not your thoughts and reading books such as Power of Now , or The New Earth by Eckhar Tolle - and taking on the discipline of meditation.

The next time you felt an urge to do this, replace it with a positive action - Cold shower (win- hof method is an amazing course and its free online) or you can come to the forum and start helping others or ask for help.

 

I many times spied on pissing women 40 years ago. 6 of them noticed me and were scared. I still feel very ashamed and guilty of the trauma I caused to them. I wish I could meet them and apologize to them but I have never seen them again, I don't know who they are.

 

It's very difficult to me to live with my past. I harassed women in the 80s. I inflicted a trauma on them what they can't cope. They had to carry of the burden of this harm for decades. Maybe it had an impact on their sexual life. And it was me who did this. I am not better than Kevin Spacey and others.