Wait until marriage and PMO

Hello guys I just posted about my relapse after I was 16 days PMO free, for all who didn´t read it, I´m a 20 year old male student and I´m struggling with PMO addiction for many years but these days I´m more determined to fight this addiction than ever before.

But there is one thing that is very hard to deal with and that’s following:

I must be celibate until marriage. I know this isn´t just a rule, it would help me to live a better life. I´m not in a relationship and I never was, I´m a virgin but I had a lot of possibilities to had sex with pretty women in my age, because I´m not the ugliest person in fact many friends and family members of mine told me that I should become a model because I have the height, face and body for it, and would say my character isn`t bad at all. So would say I´m a handsome dude, maybe a little bit crazy but not in a weird way.

Why I never had a relationship? I would say I never saw a girl in which I was interested, and the girls which were good looking had a personality I didn´t like and vice versa.

If I`m going to have sex one day then only after marriage, because I think it is only made for marriage. I´m sure if it is Gods plan, he will give me a wife one day, but what if that’s not his plan for me, then the only sexual thing I ever experienced was Porn and Masturbation, while other people experienced real sex, and I could had experienced it too but never had because I choose to right thing.

So I`m a guy who wants to experience everything (but in the right way),I want to understand everything. To summarize I would say I have to know things, (I would say that’s also the reason why I chose to study science)… So lets say Gods plan is that I`m not going to marry someone, then I couldn´t get this thought out of my brain that I could have had it (sex) but I chose not do it, because waiting until marriage is the right thing to do. As a person who is scientific embossed, this is a dilemma for me which would make me crazy because I would like to experience sex.

And that leads to my PMO journey because it is very hard for myself to quit PMO when there is the thought, that the last time I had PMO could be the last time I had sexual pleasure (even if it isn´t real sex) for the rest of my life, if I`m successful with Nofap and no PMO.

So how should I think about this? What du you guys think about this?

Maybe now I should focus first into overcome my PMO addiction, until that I wouldn`t consider myself as eligible for marriage anyway.

I don´t know if I explained my worries any good, I hope it is not too difficult to understand bc of my bad english (sorry again)

I hope this doesn`t sound too crazy for u guys and I can´t wait to read your answers Thx for your answers in advance.