Waiting for the right person or actively search?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by wethebest, Dec 4, 2018.

  1. wethebest

    wethebest Fapstronaut

    What's your approach on this? I was starting to think about some stuff..

    When I wanted to gain some muscles, I put in the hours at the gym and it worked. It would not have happened if I skipped alot or half-assed it.

    When I wanted to get better grades, I clocked in the hours at the lib. Just studying a shit ton and it worked. If I didn't study or only a little I wouldn't have gotten all A's.

    When I want to be more clean, I log in my time and clean. Doesn't happen on it's own.

    These are all things that have relatively worked. So what about finding sex/gr8, you have to put in the effort. Clock in the hours and actually put in the effort. But some think it's better to wait for the right person
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. Right person to do what?
  3. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

    hmm good question. I think its good to search actively and go on as many dates as you can. Dates don't have to be serious, they are just a good way to get to know women. The more you go on the more practice you have. This being said, I wouldn't advise on getting emotionally deep and vulnerable with lots of different people, or having sex with lots of different people because that will leave you broken. Just saying, if you fancy somebody but aren't sure if they are the one, go on a date, flirt with them, etc. You can't know if anyone is the one before you actively learn more about them anyway.

    This is my opinion in theory but unfortunately I still haven't dated anybody because I just have really high standards so I don't see the point of dating somebody I'll never be compatible with.

    You should move this thread into the dating section
    wethebest likes this.
  4. Intelli Gent

    Intelli Gent Fapstronaut

    I think THE ONE....THE ONe....THE One.... THE one.... The one....
    Is a myth. There is a type that you will be attracted to, but when you are waiting on Mrs/Mr Perfect you are gonna be hunting and looking for a long d#$n time.
    You pass up on many good and fine girls who are perfectly eligible waiting on perfect.
    The problem is could you be happy with good and fine.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. wethebest

    wethebest Fapstronaut

    Oh I don't believe in the one either. I guess a one is a better terminology
  6. wethebest

    wethebest Fapstronaut

    I've went out w girls that look bomb bomb. But when talking to them, I'm like, this person is horrible. It's hard to tell by looks, but I guess I gotta cover ground
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

    Absolutely you have to put in the effort. For average blokes in particular, you have to get out there and try to meet people. Real life isn't like the TV and movies where one day you magically meet 'the one' at the cheese counter of the local supermarket, immediately strike up conversation and then live happily ever after. Waiting around for that to happen is a one way ticket to being single for life unless you're extremely lucky.
    wethebest likes this.
  8. RightEffort

    RightEffort Fapstronaut

    I think this is a very good question.

    In my experience, I have had it both ways - with effort and with total surrender allowing life to bring it to me.

    both had advantages and disadvantages.

    When i was hustling to get girls I would have many disappointments and many personal breakthrough insights and developing my confidence and it was also alot of fun.

    When I was surrendering and trusting the right person is on the way and kept believing It was very challenging some days especially when feeling lonely and seeing others w partners, but it was also very spiritually uplifting as I using those low times to pray/meditate and to connect to my self.

    So I would say the answer is little bit of both - if you have been hustling for a long time, may be time to switch and chill and get clear on who you want to be with and then let it go - if you have been flowing then may be its times to put out some energy and start making conversions and getting to know girls and when it feels right pursuing the one that feels best.
    Trevelyan357 likes this.
  9. Clean Willy

    Clean Willy Fapstronaut

    As others have said, the question is good. IMO the timing is not. If you were to date somebody and your relationship grew into something where sex was likely, it is too soon. I believe you have to be well on your way to rebooting (3 or 4 months) before that would be well advised.
  10. whatrichme

    whatrichme Fapstronaut

    I would second this.

    Just say yes to every invitation to any event.
    If you have a good strike going on and have been doing good amount of self improvement work, it can be surprisingly easy.

    Recently I went to a really small event with just 12 people, expected nothing but surprisingly it gave me 3-4 women to have fun with.
    RightEffort likes this.
  11. If you just wait, nothing will happen. You have to make it happen. The OP seems to have the right attitude for that.
    wethebest likes this.
  12. TomGHP

    TomGHP New Fapstronaut


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