Want to be a better partner

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Sutaec, Nov 8, 2019 at 1:55 PM.

  1. Sutaec

    Sutaec Fapstronaut

    I don't know if my sexual addiction is really all that bad comparatively to others, but I know I have one and it's affecting my relationship. Every time I'm around my partner (who I've been dating for 2 years) I get ancy with sexual urges. sometimes they're not that bad, sometimes it's all I can think about all day. My partner is not a superrr sexual person. She enjoys having sex 1-2 a week max and since we're in a long distance relationship, we regularly go without sex for weeks to months (she feels very uncomfortable with flirting through text so we don't do that stuff too often either.). By the time it comes for us to see each other again, sex is all that's on my mind, and it feels like an uncontrollable feeling that is consuming me and our relationship.

    We regularly have arguments (our only arguments) about how little sexual things we do in our relationship (courtesy of me for starting them), and her main reasoning for not wanting to do a lot of stuff is because of her lack of confidence when it comes to her body image. I understand how she feels and she understands how I feel, so we recently both agreed to work on ourselves to fix the sexual problems within our relationship. She's going to work on her body image and being more comfortable flirting and I'm going to be working on my out of control sexual appetite. I'm hoping that through this community I will find some help controlling the sexual urges around the woman of my dreams. I don't want them to go away, I just want to have control over them. I really do love her and I want nothing more than to conquer this addiction. Please help me fellow fapstronaughts!
     
    kropo82 likes this.
  2. Nicko Stretch

    Nicko Stretch Fapstronaut

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    I don't think you can stop sexual thoughts coming into your head, but it is your decision if you follow them or not. Learning to observe the thoughts rather than acting on them really helps me. They can still come thick and fast which can be annoying, but if you have chosen not to respond to them, they may drop off with time.
     
  3. dankestmemes

    dankestmemes Fapstronaut

    Noting and observing thoughts is the essence of meditation. I think you should embrace those sexual urges. I don't know what your personal goals are with nofap but I'm using it to enhance my sex life. I've been having sex with the intention of getting my wife pregnant. After all, that's what sex is for and it feels great for everyone. Being confident about your body can solve a lot of problems. Lately, my wife has taken up isometric exercises and stretching. I think after a few weeks of that, our sex life will be better. The same may be true for you too.
     
  4. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    When I was watching porn regularly I sexualized many women that I shouldn’t have and it felt uncontrollable.

    How would you describe your addiction and it’s potency? Behaviors and frequency?
     
  5. dankestmemes

    dankestmemes Fapstronaut

    I sexualize women more the longer I go without masturbating. I'm glad to say I don't have a porn addiction. So stopping porn isn't one of my goals. However, I want a better, more vigorous sex life with my wife so I'm allowing edging. She should get all my semen, not a napkin.
     
  6. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Why don’t you think porn is a problem for you? I’m curious, as my husband didn’t think it was a problem either. Does your wife engage with your porn/edging sessions?
     
  7. Nicko Stretch

    Nicko Stretch Fapstronaut

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    My wife was well upset when she found out I had been edging even though I was doing it for the exact same reasons you state.
     
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.
  8. dankestmemes

    dankestmemes Fapstronaut

    Because it isn't. As to why, I have no idea. All I know is I don't view porn often. I'm not a prude or anything. It's just the way I am. When I was in middle school, I didn't really participate in commenting on women's bodies the way most of my buddies did.
     
  9. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Hmmm... ok not sure what the middle school has to do with anything. Also, not viewing porn or not condoning viewing porn is not something I’d think of as prudish. Do you hide your porn use and edging from your wife or does she participate?
     
  10. dankestmemes

    dankestmemes Fapstronaut

    No, she does not. I wish she could last longer to be honest. She gets tired after she comes and wants to end it a few minutes afterwards. If I could get her to come twice that would be great. I see no reason to disclose my edging or my participation in this forum. I wouldn't take great pains to hide it either.
     
  11. dankestmemes

    dankestmemes Fapstronaut

    I do hide porn use from my wife. No she doesn't participate. We once played some porn in the background while we had sex. That's the most we did together in terms of porn. I mentioned middle school to emphasize I wasn't a horny guy even when I was a kid. It seemed all my buddies were about porn but I never was really into it.

    I'm participating in this because I want greater energy, stamina, and a better sex life. So my restrictions are no coming unless it's inside my wife. Everything else is okay. Everyone has different ways they want to approach this because of different goals.
     
  12. Nicko Stretch

    Nicko Stretch Fapstronaut

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    And does she want to last longer and come twice?
     
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.
  13. dankestmemes

    dankestmemes Fapstronaut

    She does want to last longer, and come as many times as possible. But if I hold off on coming too long, I lose my erection. I get gired myself
     
  14. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Why do you hide your porn use from your wife? Genuinely curious, no judgment. Lots of couples share that aspect. Why did you join nofap? I’d say most on here are addicts or so of an addict.
     
  15. dankestmemes

    dankestmemes Fapstronaut

    I hide my porn use because it's embarrassing. She's not stupid. She probably knows I view porn on occasion.

    I joined this forum because being part of this kind of community is motivation. There are subversive elements in our society trying to push degeneracy on to everyone, especially kids. NoFap (or whatever version of discipline everyone is engaging in) is another defeat for those subversive elements.
     
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  16. Nicko Stretch

    Nicko Stretch Fapstronaut

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    So she gets tired and wants to stop after coming once, but she wants to come as many times as possible. You wish she would last longer but you lose your erection after she comes once?
    Reading between the lines, you feel that your M and O in the past have meant that you lose erections during sex. You would like to last longer to give your partner multiple O's which she would like as well, if she didn't get tired and want to stop after coming once.
    So you are reframing from O during M because you believe this will increase the length of time you have an erection for, and therefore you will be able to carry on after your wife's first O (obviously after your wife has improved her stamina by engaging in isometric exercises so she doesn't feel tired and want to stop after the first O). Is that about right?
     
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  17. dankestmemes

    dankestmemes Fapstronaut

    Great summary. Thank you for putting this in forum jargon. I also want to be horny for my wife and live women, not my hand
     
    Nicko Stretch likes this.
  18. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Well, sir... that is the problem with porn. The problem you don’t have.
     
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