Want to Break Free

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by ExitSamsara82, Jan 6, 2019.

  1. ExitSamsara82

    ExitSamsara82 Fapstronaut

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    Hi, all. I'm new to this site, but I'm not new to NoFap. And certainly not new to porn. I hit pornography hard about 15 years ago while in college and was a compulsive user almost from the start. I cut back over the years to more moderate use, but then I noticed about five years ago that I was having increasingly frequent difficulties getting it up in real-life sexual situations. On a hunch, I Googled "erectile dysfunction" and "porn" and began to read. And suddenly a lot of patterns in my own sex (or lack of sex) life made crystal clear sense.

    I tried then to ditch porn and would be successful for a few weeks here and a few weeks there. During those brief hiatuses, my ED problems would subside. But I didn't have the resolve to keep porn out of my life forever and have always returned to it--and with it, all the problems that it causes in my life.

    And lately, things have been getting worse. I've gotten into X-rated chat and mutual fapping with pervs online, in addition to partaking of free porn. And it's taking up more and more of my time. And seeping over into my everyday life in some ways that really alarm me. Once, recently, I was at a house party, and I found myself secretly photographing a girl there, just so I'd have some pics of her to trade with the other online pervs. Thankfully, I wasn't caught. But the fact that I'd stoop to sicko behavior like that underscores for me that I've got to stop this NOW and start living a life free of this filth.

    I've imprisoned myself in this vile addiction behavior, and I must--and will--break free. That's why I'm here. And I need you guys' support, because it's obvious that I can't do it on my own.
     
  2. Wildwidler'swallet

    Wildwidler'swallet Fapstronaut

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    THis is good friend, everyday is a battleground. Sounds like youve got it rough, but honestly...
    Fuck samsara amirite? we got this.
     
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  3. Wildwidler'swallet

    Wildwidler'swallet Fapstronaut

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    like the fact that youre willing o admit all this not only to yourself but others and that you understand its negative is a huuge step. pride cometh before the fall, so obviously youre in the falling part, if you catch me.
    Honestly it really does come back to good thought, good deed, good action.
    Its not all going to come in one moment, takes effort.
    But while entropy exists we can thrive in this universe with grace...
    Id recommend as a foundation you take some time away from your day to day life, before you normalise these behaviors any further, hopefully you have access to a Vippassana retreat in your area, as many believe it is one of the best ways available(FREE!) to train the mind toward positive growth and the recognition of our own inherent gifts and divine qualities.
    Kill it ya fucker.
    Little bit smile, not too serious!
     
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