Want to go porn free? Read this now.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Resolved Oregonian, Apr 24, 2017.

  1. Resolved Oregonian

    Resolved Oregonian Fapstronaut

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    As of today, I have achieved 83 days P/M free, and only 7 days away from my long term goal of 90 days. I cannot fully articulate the inordinate amount of freedom I am feeling, as compared to the former life of bondage I was living with porn addiction. At the risk of sounding cliche, truly, I am living a remarkably different and empowered life. It is a life that was almost impossible to imagine under the dark clouds of depression, and hazy vision created by porn viewing.

    How is it that I am walking in freedom? As I have posted in my other threads, I am a big proponent of a strong recovery plan. And not just a proponent of one, but I really believe that unless you create and practice a specific plan, you are not going to go porn free. I have an 8 step plan which I discuss in detail in other threads on my page. But perhaps even more importantly, I spend daily time investing in becoming a better man.

    The longer I am porn free, the more I realize that freedom from pornography perhaps has no greater ally than to live a purpose driven life. The more I invest in growing my character, becoming a better man, and living a more intentioned life, the wider the gap between porn and I grow. Every single day I wake up and spend focused time in the morning investing in myself and growing to become a better human being. I do activities like reading, writing, positive affirmation, meditation, exercise, and the like. I have also written about this routine in detail in other threads. But for brevity, you can find it at; Themiraclemorning.com

    I remember a time, in the not so distant past when I was constantly overcome by porn, and I had this feeling of incessant defeat. Sometimes I viewed internet porn multiple times per day and hours per sitting. I looked at every type of porn imaginable. Over time, after I grew numb, I found that I continually needed "harder porn" in order to feel the same high I had gotten before from simpler genres. Most of the time I felt like I was in control of my issue, and that I could come and go whenever I wanted. That it was not having a significant negative impact on my life. That if I truly wanted to change than I could whenever I wanted. All of those were lies, and porn had me trapped.

    I constantly felt the pressure of shame and condemnation, like I was a habitual failure, and that I would never be free from the elusive tentacles of addiction. I was in a paralyzed state of fear, constantly looking over my shoulder in paranoia, fearing I would get in trouble, or be exposed, and constantly focused on "avoiding" behavior that might lead to porn.

    There is a saying; "What you behold, is what you become." I was constantly focused on porn abstinence, my bad habits, my failures, porn addiction study, etc." The problem is that I was constantly focused on porn, instead of being focused on freedom. I should have been focused on the successful life I was wanting, and the specific steps regarding how to get there. If you are always focusing on porn recovery, then you will always be in recovery. And it's only a matter of time before you relapse. Recovery by definition is a means of mending an ailment that is intended to take place within a fixed time frame. It is not intended to be a commitment for the rest of your life. That is why there is a difference between "recovery" and "recovered".

    I consider myself "recovered". And my focus is not on how to "manage porn abstinence behavior", or; "avoidance techniques", and I am successful as a result. Every single day I spend time focusing on success, the life I am working toward, how to get there, and then daily taking steps to move in that direction. I believe these are the keys to achieving a porn-free life.

    There are too many people who focus too much on the "problem", and not nearly enough time toward the "solution", and they fail, time and time again. And will always fail until they make this change. They focus on what not to do. They focus on "distraction" based activities. ie; cold showers, various hobbies, staying away from their homes, or any other number of various "crutches" that only band-aid a wound, and never provide true healing of the heart. This behavior is inorganic, ignorant, and if we are being honest with ourselves, assinine. Common sense would ask you; " What happens when you run out of distractions and are confronted with the temptation to look at porn?" And the obvious answer is that person will relapse because they did not focus on changing the underlying issues causing them to look at porn in the first place. They have not grown in character as a person. Unfortunately, distraction theory is also popular counsel on websites such as NoFap, and yet, I have never talked to one person who has prioritized distraction/hobby based avoidance techniques who has gone porn free long-term.

    You cannot restructure your entire life around avoiding bad behavior, instead of restructuring your life around behavior that is going to prosper a successful existence. Those are two polar opposite ways of living. One contains an inherent value that will garner success and the other toward failure.

    I am living the successful life of freedom that I had once only dreamed was possible, and you can do it too. Come with me on this journey!
     
  2. Resolved Oregonian

    Resolved Oregonian Fapstronaut

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    As of today, I have achieved 83 days P/M free, and only 7 days away from my long term goal of 90 days. I cannot fully articulate the inordinate amount of freedom I am feeling, as compared to the former life of bondage I was living with porn addiction. At the risk of sounding cliche, truly, I am living a remarkably different and empowered life. It is a life that was almost impossible to imagine under the dark clouds of depression, and hazy vision created by porn viewing.

    How is it that I am walking in freedom? As I have posted in my other threads, I am a big proponent of a strong recovery plan. And not just a proponent of one, but I really believe that unless you create and practice a specific plan, you are not going to go porn free. I have an 8 step plan which I discuss in detail in other threads on my page. But perhaps even more importantly, I spend daily time investing in becoming a better man.

    The longer I am porn free, the more I realize that freedom from pornography perhaps has no greater ally than to live a purpose driven life. The more I invest in growing my character, becoming a better man, and living a more intentioned life, the wider the gap between porn and I grow. Every single day I wake up and spend focused time in the morning investing in myself and growing to become a better human being. I do activities like reading, writing, positive affirmation, meditation, exercise, and the like. I have also written about this routine in detail in other threads. But for brevity, you can find it at; Themiraclemorning.com

    I remember a time, in the not so distant past when I was constantly overcome by porn, and I had this feeling of incessant defeat. Sometimes I viewed internet porn multiple times per day and hours per sitting. I looked at every type of porn imaginable. Over time, after I grew numb, I found that I continually needed "harder porn" in order to feel the same high I had gotten before from simpler genres. Most of the time I felt like I was in control of my issue, and that I could come and go whenever I wanted. That it was not having a significant negative impact on my life. That if I truly wanted to change than I could whenever I wanted. All of those were lies, and porn had me trapped.

    I constantly felt the pressure of shame and condemnation, like I was a habitual failure, and that I would never be free from the elusive tentacles of addiction. I was in a paralyzed state of fear, constantly looking over my shoulder in paranoia, fearing I would get in trouble, or be exposed, and constantly focused on "avoiding" behavior that might lead to porn.

    There is a saying; "What you behold, is what you become." I was constantly focused on porn abstinence, my bad habits, my failures, porn addiction study, etc." The problem is that I was constantly focused on porn, instead of being focused on freedom. I should have been focused on the successful life I was wanting, and the specific steps regarding how to get there. If you are always focusing on porn recovery, then you will always be in recovery. And it's only a matter of time before you relapse. Recovery by definition is a means of mending an ailment that is intended to take place within a fixed time frame. It is not intended to be a commitment for the rest of your life. That is why there is a difference between "recovery" and "recovered".

    I consider myself "recovered". And my focus is not on how to "manage porn abstinence behavior", or; "avoidance techniques", and I am successful as a result. Every single day I spend time focusing on success, the life I am working toward, how to get there, and then daily taking steps to move in that direction. I believe these are the keys to achieving a porn-free life.

    There are too many people who focus too much on the "problem", and not nearly enough time toward the "solution", and they fail, time and time again. And will always fail until they make this change. They focus on what not to do. They focus on "distraction" based activities. ie; cold showers, various hobbies, staying away from their homes, or any other number of various "crutches" that only band-aid a wound, and never provide true healing of the heart. This behavior is inorganic, ignorant, and if we are being honest with ourselves, assinine. Common sense would ask you; " What happens when you run out of distractions and are confronted with the temptation to look at porn?" And the obvious answer is that person will relapse because they did not focus on changing the underlying issues causing them to look at porn in the first place. They have not grown in character as a person. Unfortunately, distraction theory is also popular counsel on websites such as NoFap, and yet, I have never talked to one person who has prioritized distraction/hobby based avoidance techniques who has gone porn free long-term.

    You cannot restructure your entire life around avoiding bad behavior, instead of restructuring your life around behavior that is going to prosper a successful existence. Those are two polar opposite ways of living. One contains an inherent value that will garner success and the other toward failure.

    I am living the successful life of freedom that I had once only dreamed was possible, and you can do it too. Come with me on this journey!

    http://www.miraclemorning.com

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/MyT..._t=group_highlights&notif_id=1492975210189693

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/recoveredmen/?fref=nf

    http://pornfreeradio.com
     
  3. Thanks for this excellent comment.
    Fortunately I am not addicted to porn and never was, I just wanted to get rid of masturbation as a habit. Your words can be related to P and M as well. And yes - the focus should be what we are longing for and not what we want to get rid off. I want to enjoy this life without any addiction, I want to live in self-esteem and respecting other persons as same human beings as I am - with all our imperfectness. In our hearts we are all the same.
     
  4. That is a very insightful post. I will testify to the fact of the statement "What you behold, is what you become". Focusing on porn abstinence will not work long term at least in my case I know that. Living a purposeful life is the only solution. I also like the point on considering yourself recovered. That is something I have learned from you from this post. In addition, a strong recovery plan is essential. I agree with that totally. Congratulations on almost achieving your 90 day goal. It is always encouraging to see others achieve their goals in this NoFap journey.

    However, I am not sure I got your argument when you say positive habits like cold showers or cultivating healthy hobbies are distractions. When building a purposeful life you need to inculcate purposeful habits to give life more meaning. This would mean that other habits like personal development reading and doing exercise are also simply distractions. There are a lot of bad habits that go hand in hand with watching porn that we have developed that go hand in hand with PMO. So cultivating positive habits goes hand in hand with getting rid of those bad habits.

    And also, is it a must we look for an underlying reason on why we look at porn? Sometimes it is can be defeatist in my opinion. It can be like looking into a deep abyss. For some they can easily find a reason why the look at porn. Maybe its some childhood issues that are unresolved. Maybe its just an escape from the harsh realities of life. Maybe some just believe life dealt them a bad hand. What if you just got hooked to porn on the brink of adolescence when one's mind is so impressionable. Do you still have to go and find a reason on why you love viewing porn? Could we just say that PMO addiction in some cases is just a hijacking of our very strong sexual desires? So we just have to work hard to optimize our sexual desires back to normal. Anyway that's my opinion.

    I believe every person's journey is very subjective on overcoming PMO. We must try different strategies until we find what works in the long term. The things you have mentioned are definitely worth inculcating for sure.
     
  5. _overcomer_

    _overcomer_ Fapstronaut

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    I made 11days, but fell at saturday...since that, I fell more times...:(

    I think I can't reach 11 days again :(

    How to say, I'm so weak!
     
    Resolved Oregonian likes this.
  6. _overcomer_

    _overcomer_ Fapstronaut

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  7. Resolved Oregonian

    Resolved Oregonian Fapstronaut

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    @_overcomer_ , I'm sorry it's been difficult my friend, and I realize how depressing and impossible defeat feels. But I have no doubt that you can 100% overcome this. I'm reminded of the saying; "What one man can do another man can do." Porn has been overcome by lots of men. And what needs to be understood is that those men practiced very similar principles as all of those who overcome porn. We cannot so this on our own merits, approaching porn abstinence with some half-assed ideas about what we "think" will work. And neither can we just "self-discipline" our way through this. Practice the principles that have been proven to work, and then you will live a lifestyle of freedom my friend.
     
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  8. _overcomer_

    _overcomer_ Fapstronaut

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    Thank you!

    And WOW almost 90 days. great a´man!
     
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  9. Resolved Oregonian

    Resolved Oregonian Fapstronaut

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    @Cremona Bee , thank you for the encouragement and support! I wish you success and prosperity as you fight for your freedom as well. I appreciate your thoughtful response to my thread, and there is a lot of material which you have offered here, which I will try and lucidly respond to. And so firstly, allow me to respond to the "healthy habits" concept. The porn recovery community tends to focus a lot of time and effort on "distraction behavior". And by that I mean supplemental behaviors that are artificially ingrafted into ones life for the purpose of "distracting" them from pornography. Ie; cold showers, videogaming, playing music, going to the gym, avoiding going home, etc. A lot of times, these activities are inorganic, because they would not normally fit into these persons lifestyles. Sometimes they are more organic though, and can be activities which fit into that personals lifestyle based on their interests.

    I do not think there is a problem with these activities per se, but rather the lack of growth in character that tends to be taking place in most of these peoples lives. For example, if you are working on porn abstinence with a plan of filling your extra time with activities at the expense of focusing on character growth, then you will inevitably arrive back at habitual porn use. Hobbies can never be the focus of obtaining success over porn addiction, because it does not have the power to accomplish that. Only growing in character can achieve such a feat. I will say that since I have stopped looking at porn I have incorporated a number of new activities into my life, but they are focused on growing my character and transforming my persona into; "the type of man that does not look at porn."

    You can only run from porn for so long, and why would you even want to? Are we really going to continue recommending to people that the solution to porn addiction is cold showers and not going home for long periods of time, and to practice that for the rest of their lives? Ludicrous! What a miserable life that would be. To always feel like you are running from porn, and that you can't live a happy and successful life without having to look over your shoulder every day. And yet, that is the type of errant bullshit that is being recommended.

    @Cremona Bee , I do think that sometimes those types of habits should be practiced early on while someone is working to start becoming free of porn addiction. But certainly not as the main focus, and neither at the expense of focusing on daily character development. Let's be honest here, those types of behaviors are necessary at times, but really they are infantile, and should be replaced by good character later. I rarely have to implement "distraction" into my own life in order to abate porn temptation. I have a well of character that I draw from that is inside of me. When a temptation is particularly difficult I recite my "why statement", I speak affirmation to myself, and I remind myself of who I am, and what I am here to accomplish. But that is not to say I would never leave the house, or depart a situation if it was too difficult. But it is not my habit.

    So again, in terms of creating positive habits, make the foremost of them focused on becoming a better man.

    Regarding; "underlying "root" issues related to porn viewing", it's a topic that varies dramatically from person to person. On one end of the spectrum is sexual abuse which has contributed to a porn addiction, and which probably cannot be addressed without professional counseling. And on the other end is someone's initial fascination with porn viewing that has evolved over time into an addiction which has re-wired the brain. We all have to identify our own spectrum relativity.

    Honestly I think most people involved with porn are probably not "addicts" for one, and secondly tend to fall on the end of the spectrum that is less obtrusive. For most of us, we need to rewire our brain chemistry, and that takes focusing on creating new habits, and implementing them for long enough to see physiological changes. The practical means to do this is by focusing on tools like a daily 8 step recovery plan, and daily character investment.

    "Could we just say that PMO addiction in some cases is just a hijacking of our very strong sexual desires? And we just have to work hard to bring our sexual desires back to normal?" - Kind of. "RE-WIRING" Would be more accurate I suppose. Authentic sexual desires become diminished and subservient to newly wired neural pathways which are maintained by unhealthy amounts of hormone release.
    And it depends on what you are implying by "work hard". Hard-work is absolutely necessary in overcoming porn use, but where you put your focus is even more important, as I have already mentioned multiple times. Hard work or "stopping" the viewing of porn without focused intentionality is just busy work, and it will not result in prolonged abstinence from porn, and therefore freedom in life.

    @Cremona Bee , thank you for your insightfulness, and positivity. I can see that you have some valuable knowledge and experience with the issue at hand. If you have other questions or follow up dialogue, please do not hesitate to respond. This has been a valuable conversation thus far.
     
    Last edited: May 1, 2017
  10. @Resolved Oregonian

    Thanks for your positive feedback. I think I now get what you were saying. Yes, if we solely focus on just the activities that make us not think of porn then they can simply be distractions. We are just delaying the inevitable. To be busy just for the sake of avoiding porn can be detrimental. What happens when one has to take the inevitable rest and urges come like wild fire. Also, as we know, urges don't come on schedule. There has to be a better way to recover.

    What you are saying requires a mindset shift that focuses on the solution rather than focusing on the problem. We must continually ask ourselves what sought of person do I want to be rather than focus on ways I need to avoid watching porn.
    Character development seems like a more concrete and solid way to overcome PMO.

    You mentioned an 8 step recovery plan. Where can I review them? Also, what character building activities have you incorporated in your life to enable you get this far? Your insight on this issues is highly valuable.

    Thanks
     
  11. @Resolved Oregonian I think I get what you're saying. When I first heard what you said about hobbies on Porn Free Radio I was wondering if you saying that we shouldn't have any hobbies at all and just read self help books in our spare time, but I think I get it now. I don't know if I fully get it though because I'm still struggling. I think NoFap shouldn't be about behaviour modification but about becoming a better version of ourselves. It would be ridiculous if someone were to quit porn and in the process become an alcoholic.

    Do you mind sharing what some of those activities are?

    Also do you think the counters are a good thing to have? I wonder if they could be distracting us from building our character. I have a counter here on NoFap and on the NF Companion app but I think I'll stop using it when I make it to 90 days.
     
  12. Resolved Oregonian

    Resolved Oregonian Fapstronaut

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    @Cremona Bee , you hit the nail squarely on the head my friend. And yes, that is what I am saying. In regard to the 8 step recovery plan, here is a link to my NoFap blog which details that type of plan.

    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/want-to-go-porn-free-read-this.95561/
     
  13. Resolved Oregonian

    Resolved Oregonian Fapstronaut

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    @Surfing Poet , yes, when I wake up in the morning there are 7 things I do before I do anything else during my day. I have a specific time I aim to wake up at (5am), and a specific allotment of time for each activity. Each activity is designed to grow my character. Which it has done with tremendous impact! Reading, creative writing, journaling, words of affirmation, visualization (law of attraction), exercise, and vocalizing gratitude. I spend 10 minutes back to back on each activity, except for exercise, which I spend 30 minutes doing. That is 100 minutes total. The amount of time is not as important as those specific activities themselves, except to say that the more time you spend, the more you will grow in character. The format for the program I use is called The Miracle Morning.
     
  14. Resolved Oregonian

    Resolved Oregonian Fapstronaut

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    @Surfing Poet , and in regard to the hobbies issue. I have made that a focal point of discussion because far too many people in the porn recovery community focus on replacing porn with hobbies. Instead of abstaining from porn while daily investing in growing in character. Because growing in character is the antidote to long term porn abstinence, not hobby enthusiasm. I am not shunning hobbies though. Outside of my daily morning routine, I do things like ride my road bike, listen to my vinyl record collection, go and see live music, go out to eat with my girlfriend, smoke cigars with my best friends, spending time reading fun books, etc.
    In regard to the porn counter, I think it is only an issue if that is your constant focus. The same with the idea that you weigh yourself every day and are discouraged by how little progress you have made. The number of days we have been porn free is not nearly as important as the quality of the recovery process.
     
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  15. Thanks for the link. I have gone through it. Now to see how to incorporate it into my life. Let me give it a try for the next 30 days and see what transpires. Also congratulations on reaching the 90 day milestone. Its very encouraging indeed. Keep it up!
     
  16. Amazing post! :emoji_grinning: I feel you 100% last weekend I had free time and I was afraid I would have gone to watch porn as I always used to do when bored, depressed. But I didn't :emoji_blush: I opened some books and went studying for my college course :emoji_nerd: The only long-term solution is better yourself :emoji_princess: when I hit rock bottom I figured that out. I did a review of my life up to this point and I decided I had to stop my sex and porn addictions that ruined my life enough. Congratz for your 90 days :emoji_clap:
     
  17. @Resolved Oregonian

    Let me just say a big thank you for sharing your experience on here. I decided to go to the Miracle Morning website and see what was so miraculous. I was even persuaded to to get the Miracle Morning book and have read it. I started practising the miracle morning S.A.V.E.R.S for the past 2 weeks and it has been really rewarding. Focusing on developing one's self and character is the way to go to leave PMO behind for a certainty. In fact it is the way to leave mediocrity behind and live a full life. I have now been able to consistently wake up at 6.00 am for the past two weeks with feelings of excitement without any problems having previously having to drag myself from bed at 7.30 am. My days start with character development and I find that my days now are filled with more positive experiences than negative. Or maybe its just a mindset shift. I now have a written down life purpose and plan that I review every single morning to keep things in perspective.
    I also developed a plan along the lines of what you had written in your posts. My plan focuses on what to do when the inevitable urges come. I now ask myself when the urges come why do I want to PMO. Once I have my answer, I then take a few deep breaths to normalize my pulse rate and say affirmations while looking at a reflective surface such as a mirror or smart phone screen. More often than not, it has managed to break my dangerous thoughts that would lead to PMO on the onset of the urges.

    Anyway, that is me thus far and I once again thank you for the valuable and life saving information. Keep it up!
     
  18. Resolved Oregonian

    Resolved Oregonian Fapstronaut

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    @Cremona Bee , dude! Congratulations! Way to kick some ass!! And yes, spending time improving your character is the way to leave pornography forever. Keep up the great work, and keep investing in yourself daily, and you will become the man you have always wanted to be.
     
  19. Sozboss92

    Sozboss92 Fapstronaut

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    I would like someone to lay out a plan for me. My last and longest yet was 28 days. I need a daily plan. It needs to be simple. And thank you so much for sharing!
     
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  20. Resolved Oregonian

    Resolved Oregonian Fapstronaut

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    @Sozboss92 , I'm glad you see your need for a plan! Do you have questions about how to create one in light of my post?
     

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