Want to hire a escort to relieve my anxiety - need support

Today I'm not feeling good at all. I had a relapse in the morning with porn and I'm having cravings to have sex with a escort that I saw on Internet and that is very sexy. I just want to use and feel myself inside her body, but I know that I'm gonna feel very guilt and shame after that. Today is a type of day when I can't take action to do something like reading, writing, running or do some hobby, because I don't have a hobby more harm than porn and sex. I just don't have the drive to create a new habit... . I'm going to SAA meetings, because If I not, I know that I will waste my time and money with prostitutes. I just need some support that can harm me, because I'm passing through a phase where in the next second I can be somewhere wasting hundreds of euros in sex and losing college. I really want to get through this, but alone it's not possible at all and because of that I'm writing here and then I'm going to a 12-step meeting. Why it's so difficult to reject forever porn, sex photos on social media, prostitutes and masturbation and commit myself to not see this anymore? Even after what this have done to my life.